Sunday, October 30, 2005

The Bum Also Rises

Even now, though ensconced in a lovely apartment, well-fed and nearly middleclass again, I go for walks, like in the old bummy days, endless seas of black asphalt and white divider, the shiny new cars that squeak when the owner comes, the little mounds of McDonalds garbage, the horizontal wall on which this old spider walks.

Hallelujah, I'm a bum.

Hallelujah I'm a bum again.

Sure, I have the apartment. But the income is slight. The apartment is subsidized. I tried to turn respectable by actually working. Didn't tell anyone. They found out. "Thief! Fraud-artist! Ne-er-do- well. You actually worked. WORKED. Lazy bastard! And you didn't tell us. You now pay regular rent!"

Law of diminishing returns.

Hallelujah, I'm a bum again.

There is a story of the Great Pinspotter in the Sky, the god who always places you where he thinks you belong--in the gutter.

I suppose we all subconsciously follow our fathers. This is too good for me, this life. I don't deserve it.

My father spent two years in a German concentration camp.

I guess subconsciously, I am following him, hard as I try to work everyway but loose. But then my father nearly made a million after coming to Canada. No backward progress for him. Myself, I pretty well wrote the book on backward progress, just like in the movie, "The Jerk".

Rags. To riches. Back to rags.

Place to live, but rent- poor. Rags again.

Hallelujah, a bum again.

Out in the parking lot, thoughtful masturbator that one is. It is a good time to test your philosophy, your zen, your I-Ching,your Plato. And Kierkegaard, especially Kierkegaard, Either-Or. It gets darkest before the light. There is great power in a vacuum. It all hangs, like a guy hanging off a big junkyard magnet by his steel belt buckle--on the subjunctive.. You will certainly be subjunctive once the power is turned off. Actually, you will be in the indicative, your Adidas sticking up out of all that junk. With Wittgenstein, you will surely become aware of the case.

Most people are no great shakes. Automatons. They seek money, goods, power, sex. The bum seeks these things too, but he's under some sort of spell. The disease of denial.

This is too good for me. I am shit. The vacuum.

What did the bum have for breakfast today? Well, actually, it was pretty good. Over at the Dominion, there were four packages of shaved roast beef, a little green, yes, but then what country boy doesn't know that a steak is only good when broiled while a trifle green? You hang the Mother up for a day or two.

The bum is more oriented by the mother than the father. The bum can sew, understand computers, cook like a chef. Play chess.

Father always away. The war. The concentration camp.

Father's pain leading to alcoholism. Kicks you in the ass, calls you a bum. Love the bastard though. Builds and sells three houses in ten years. Not bad, even by Forest Hill standards.Yet there is this gap. The bum had chosen to get an education.Turned into a cliche. Educated bum.

Education is a drawing out, to turn all those gestures and motions towards the self, turn them outward. You become articulate, your motions and moves are deliberate, like an actor's. Educated, you are put out into the world, but like Supertramp, you find out. Sensible. Logical. And Lord, won't somebody tell me who I am?

But...Leonard Cohen: You have to walk carefully. The game is rigged. The clear illusions of young adulthood. Hah. Slaughterhouse coming.

Stupid Catholic in a Masonic world. This they do not teach you in school. Leave politics to the politicians. Stay in the middle where you belong.

It is getting into the late afternoon. There is this success/failure feeling, the empty feeling. The vacuum.

I am shit.

Then something taupe-coloured rises unnaturally out of the black ashpalt. Wittgenstein: Figure and Foreground. A sentence is a word picture, all that. And for all of that, you have the brain of a squirrel, and a squirrel is wittier than you, knows what he's doing. There is an unnatural blotch on the black pavement, the green piece of paper, just before you come to a footbridge along a brook. It is stark and out of place. It is a twenty-dollar bill, the gold embossing shining in the afternoon sun.

He who tries to deconstruct the great dead men for being fools is really at an ass's bridge. But what a lucky ass.

I pluck forth the greenback.



Great info ivan. I'm glad I stopped by for a while. I am searching for related information for BATH WATER FILTER.COM and found your blog. The Bum Also Rises makes a good read and I'll look forward to seeing more posts.

Ivan Prokopchuk said...

Oh futthewuck.
I think I need a bath.

Anonymous said...

These fuckers are relentless. Bath Water Filter Dot Com? What the hell is that? And how about the deer hunting supply guy a while back?
... But that's to be expected, I reckon. Used to be these drummers knocked on your door to make their pitch. Now they weasel their way in via keyboard. Creepy.


Ivan Prokopchuk said...

Yeah JM.
I put in word verification, then things got worse. The verification letters
would bob, weave and change universes like quantum particles, so I had to open things up again.
Probably kept all legitimite guys like you out for a while.
Will try to fix by weekend.

Anonymous said...

"Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"What's a 'man,' Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly, he'll basically give you a hard time. He'll be bigger, faster, and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, But, he'll be pretty good in the sack."
"I can put up with that," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"Yeah well, he's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, there is one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."
:D :D :D

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Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

Sick and twisted some of those things.

But this post is quite interesting. It certainly tells the tale of you. Sometimes it seems you were blind to the fact this life was falling apart and othher times you seem to acknowledge your role in it all.

You are a wonderful writer, bum or resident richie.


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