Saturday, March 25, 2006

In the Midst of Russian Literature

Recently, in the mail, I received a poem from Allison Baxter, daughter of a good friend. Allison knew I had a passion for Gogol, the Russian language author who was in fact Ukrainian. I guess Allison, as a student of Russian authors at York, and as a poetess, sensed my literary beginnings and my probable trajectory (tragictory?).

Here is what she wrote:

A short Poem
by Allison Baxter

In the voice of Akaky from Nikolai Gogol's "the Overcoat"

A need for compassion, for human love
A need for acceptance from beyond and above
I'm an awkward man and was an awkward boy
I'm the object of ridicule, somebody's toy

I earned my way up with my new overcoat
Finally there was no frog in my throat
It was too hard to achieve and now gone in a flash
The once ridiculed boy was even thrown a big bash

They think I'm gone, but I'm still here
Some can sense that I'm very near
I stayed for revenge to regain my pride,
I will achieve my goal and walk with great stride.

Just at the point at which I received Allison's poem, I had been blogging this:

Wouldn't it be nice to get out of hell, if just for one day?

To get out of the life of Akaky Akakievich, that famous fuzzy-eared dweeb in the Nicholas Gogol story, Akaky Akakievich, whose name is somehow reminiscent of a familiar substance.

Joe Turd, I suppose, would be the modern equivalent.

Akaky Akakekievich, the kaka man, hobbling from park to dumpster, still hopeful that one day the sun will shine on him and he will finally publish that great sprawling novel that took thirty years to write and another ten to try and market.

And after thirty years, this constant poverty.

Not even enough to drink.

Yet something shone alongside the dumpster on this bright day.. Brown bottle. A closer look. No question. A forty-ouncer, half full. Bailey's. The best. And Akaky feeling like the worst. He plucked forth the bottle, so conveniently lying between the dumpster and a beige firebrick wall. He would not be seen. Just Akaky and his new glass overcoat to shield him from his awful self.

One day. One day out of hell, out of the hell and misery of the self, cast off and thrown among the reeks and wrecks of life, the Kallikaks with whom he often drank when he had money.

He was, most times, concerned, above all, over his words, the beautiful words. That was all that counted, the beautiful words. Now isn't that just like a writer? He'd really had no other choice.

In youth, the broken fingers on his left hand--he just couldn't catch. The broken bat where he'd struck the softball too close to the handle, The speaking, perhaps, of English in a Ukrainian household, and getting slapped for it. Man, did he ever know about being Akaky Akakievich!

The mooniness at the technical university. Yes, yes, they are trying to teach you broadcasting, turn the inside out, education is a bringing out, your words and gestures now outpointing and not towards the self, no shrinking violets here, you will become an extrovert. Cue that tape.

Torture that poor old LP with your scratchy needle. Sometimes you need to be an asshole in this business. A yappy asshole if you want like that really weird guy with the ironed hair on Entertainment Tonight.

Well, it worked. For a while, it worked. He had been on television. He had been on radio. He had been Michael Coren. Yet the unpublished novels. Like Michael Coren.

Now he just wanted to get out of hell, his personal hell for just one day.

Reentry wouldn't be too difficult. He had his friend, the glass overcoat. First the immediate past. The Imperial Pub on Dundas Street. Rattan walls. Hastily-wiped Formica. Goldfish floating around in an aquarium built into a wall. Gulp. Gulp. Gulp. Akaky imitating the goldfish. Was there anything like old-style Canadian draught?--gone now; just the Molson swill left.

The crony from the temporary employment agency. "You're such a downlooking guy, Akaky. You always look down at your beer before looking up and speaking, and then you sound so much like Justin Trudeau. Kinda soft and insincere.

"I'm screwing up, even at Employer's Overload. They can't stand me. I can almost feel it. I'm going to get fired."

"Ah, Akaky. It's impossible to be fired by Employer's Overload. It's the very bottom. They need you around. They need me around"

Parallel universe, here in this time warp, the pub. The first stage of getting out of the vortex of hell and up into the inverted cone of purgatory.

There had been a wife. Children.

Farmhouse. Chickens. Now emasculated somehow. Castrated and alone. But there had been the Imperial Pub. Oh yes, the Imperial Pub.

Hoary old Kallikaks, Sportin' Life dudes. Ladies and Escorts. "Why do you drink?" Akaky asks his Kallikak crony. "Extreme anxiety. Can't hold down a job. That's why I'm with E.O. Extreme anxiety. Get drunk on the job."

Akaky knows what that's all about. He knows the old drunk has found the promised land. The promised land. Out of hell if only for just one day.

Akaky took another drink. Time travel. Parallel universes. And so easy, and so legal. Twelve beers or this a good Bailey's that God had somehow given me. The little match girl, but this time not with a box of matches to ward off the cold, but a half-full forty-pounder of Bailey's.

Here they are, back again, the way things used to be , the wife, the children, the paradise regained. This is where you came in. This is where you had left it. You are back. Like in the I-Ching. Just because you have thrown it away does not mean that you can't pick it up again. You are home.

Once you had been a scientist.

Quantum mechanics. You live your waking life in kind of a Christ-like state, the moment where you are between the dead and the resurrected, and the disciples are warned not to touch you. And then you are arisen through the sacrament of the twelve bottles. Or a full bottle of Old Bailey.

Cagier this time, more careful, but arisen.

Malt does more than Milton can.

To show the ways of God to man.......?

More of the imagined talk from the imaginary drinking buddy. "Alcoholics drink because there's something there. It is not a sickness. It is a state of mind; smokers the same. These are the jewels I have to offer you," says the Kallikak..

"I'm telling you this because you seem depressed, and damn it, I like you," says the Kallikak.

Why shouldn't he? I am no aristocratic Juke. I'm a Kallikak too.

No powdered wigs in my family, Franz Joseph soldiers all. And I am now a Main Street Soldier, a Kallikak degenerate. And ain't it fun. Need to get out of hell.

Out of hell for one day.

A little further back into the past.

The evenings of success. Big Man on Campus. You would be talking to the Dean and all the while, people around you would know who the important person was. You had published your first volume of poetry and everybody had noticed. The papers were full of it. This is so great. I am king of the world. If only I could divorce my wife. The false- heaven state. The delusion.

Snapped into the present again.

Today, you are finally out of hell.

The snap had been achieved.

You've got the half-full liquor bottle. You have your overcoat. Like Voltaire’s man falling off the tower, you know how good it will feel. And with what is left of your sense of humour, you hope it will last.


Erik Ivan James said...

There is no leaving Hell. Not even for just one day. Until, the brown bottle glass overcoat is smashed, still half full.

ivan said...

What if you are right?

Erik Ivan James said...

Not "if". I stomped that overcoat into the mud many years ago. Came out of Hell. Now in nowhere. At least now when I continue to fuck up, I know I'm fucking up. Just can't stop fucking up.

ivan said...

Not sure if you're "fucking up".
Look at the webpage you've produced and the voluminous response to your writings from other writers. You write cleanly and clearly, snorts of "profanity" be confounded. And even Privy Press (Reader's Digest?) may just pick up a long story of yours. That's where the big bucks are.
It happened to me, years ago, when I was really fucking up, local Peobody Award winner, the late Peter Gzowski saying, "maybe you just aren't good enough, Ivan", at precisely the point where I nearly blew him out of the water.
As for fuckuphood, I think I wrote the book on that one. Literally?
I have found in my own case that God tends to look after drunks and fools.
God and good people. And family, even after you had peed the nest.
Were it not for what is left of my family, I would not have this blog (my kids are techies).
God and good people.
In my case, Gogol and Google. (Goodling beer).
Oh well, to each his own.

ivan said...

p.s. to Eric Ivan James:

The Kallikak came to visit today, offereing a brand of Ojibway citarettes for next to nothing.
He glanced at my blog and said, yeah, drugs and alcohol can connect you to the Cosmic Intelligence, but drugs and alcohol will kill you dead.
"Where did you get that?" I asked.
"Napoleon Hill," he answered.
"Napoleon Hill? That self-help con?"
"Yep,Napoleon Hill."

Out of the mouth of babes?
Yet it does strike me that you are ight, Eric.
After my last experience with the creature (last night) I find that I am now barely able to write.
The great American columnist H.L.
Mencken said the only cure for a condition like mine is top-of-the-line food, especially ethnic food.
Well, we'll see.
I do think you are right though.
My brains scrambled for sure.

Anonymous said...

As much as I count you as one of the interesting characters that I have encountered on my journey through life, and as I am generally loathe to offer unwanted advice, you inspire me to go through a list of famous drinkers:

F. Scott Fitzgerald lived the twenties as a badge. Flappers, big fur coats, and hip flasks of hooch day and night. He produced some of the best writing ever produced. And in his own time. Personal tragedies were his, he drank more and died before his time.

Brendan Behan, beautiful words dripped from his tongue, and whisky made it a little hard to understand what he said. He is gone, gone, gone.

Paul Rimstead. What a guy. Met him a few times. Drank at least a bottle a day. He lived life as a big adventure, and shared it in his column. When he was unable to, er, write a column, the editor would put that fact in the space reserved for his column. On a pedestal? Certainly not. He was down here with the ordinary guy and the ordinary guy loved him. Left us when his liver failed. His big heart couldn't save him.

Rick Bell, works for the Sun in Alberta. Reporter in Hadmonchuk, writing about the goings-on in the Legislature. Drinking got him into trouble and he got his pee-pee slapped more than a few times. Came to Cowtown, got a column near the front of the paper, ran for mayor, won the hearts of the people. Reminded me of Rimmer of long ago. Then one day, shed 100 pounds and said goodbye to John Barleycorn. Still alive and writing, but boring as watching golf.

I calls 'em as I sees 'em. Tell me I'm all wet, and spit in my eye, but there it is.

Cheers and good health,

ivan said...

Doubting Thomas:
A crackerjack little squib!
Informative and entertaining.
I quarrel with it not, though I'd be interested to see how Erik Ivan James would respond to your worldly observations.
The interesting thing is that you yourself are a teetotaller. And I know that Erik doesn't drink anymore either.
Here I am, an alcoholic who just doesn't go to meetings and I get huzzahs from at least one non-drinker.
What say you, Erik, if you're still on the air?

ivan said...

> Very pleased to have connected with you. I have been checking out the
> blog with regularity (it's bookmarked on this machine along with other
> noteworthy sites) and enjoying your postings, although I've had
> trouble, as mentioned, submitting feedback or checking out comments
> from other readers. I kind of dig this blog idea; a fantastic bazaar of
> ideas, some brilliant, some funny, most shit, a veritable e-flea market
> through which I wander when time allows, like an office drone up early
> on the weekend, sampling wares.
> Your riffs on Mailer struck me, for a couple of reasons, the primary
> one being my admiration for him as a writer, of course. Also recently I
> was consumed by a Mailer-like obsession with a killer. Found myself
> dwelling in his sorry, grimy, tawdry world, trying to figure how one
> descends from selling dime bags at the local high school to stabbing a
> defenceless old lady and ransacking her apartment as she bleeds to
> death on the floor. Losing sleep by night and wandering the streets of
> central Oshawa by day, trying to piece it together, I brooded on this.
> Visiting his apartment building, the street where his ecstasy dealer
> lives, the liquor store he frequented. Retracing his steps: What went
> through his mind when he gazed at that railway trestle and saw the gang
> tags there? Close to unhinged, mumbling in my sleep, repeatedly
> awakened by an increasingly wary wife.
> So I wrote it, a behemoth of sorts, which is problematic in the
> newspaper biz, where conventional wisdom (?) dictates that if it can't
> be said in 250 words, nobody's got time for it. But they ran it. All of
> it. So Mailer had Gary Gilmour and I have Ryan Mason. Gary Gilmour's
> dead and Ryan Mason might as well be. Somewhere there are wisps of the
> executioner's song. We move on.
> Thanks for taking time to respond to my note, Ivan. I'm loving the
> blog, even though this glitch keeps me on the outside, looking in.
> JM

ivan said...

That should read "Jeff Mitchell said".
Jeff Mitchell has had trouble getting through the security on this site. My techies are looking after it.
Anybody else have problems getting in. I mean, call me a pischer, call me a schmuck. I'm not going to ban anybody.

Anonymous said...

Wow JM! I read your account of researching and trying to understand your killer. The word "obsession" came to mind, and then I saw that you used it also. Some dead tree journals still run long, in-depth articles, but short, get to the point pieces are all that most of the reading public want. Pity. Good on you for following your obsession. Like Burt Munro did. More on him later.


Erik Ivan James said...

DoubtingThomas said a book's-worth with his death-roll.

Having been there deep in addiction, I have since come to believe the so called "cosmic connection" to be so much rationalized bullshit. One of the "romantic" excuses.

Sure, during the "connection" I may have experienced a deeper emotion and insight to the prose--I sure felt so during those stupors-- but couldn't remember enough of it the next day to matter. So what the fuck. (Couldn't do that very well in those stupors either).

Is my writing ability better today than when I floated in the bottle? Donno. Haven't written anything worthwhile yet sober. Wrote nothing drunk. Couldn't.

Those, such as Fitzgerald, in my mind, likely had a God given genius beyond the most of us which allowed them to patronize their addictions and spew the honey from their pens---for a short while. DoubtingThomas already said ol' F.Scott gave the worms an early meal.

Like DoubtingThomas, I am also loathe to give advice, even when it's wanted. Advice has a boomerang tendency which can hurt like hell. What I know, is I'm no born genius like Fitzgerald or the few others, if in fact they were. What I also know, is the "connection" only started for me, like them, early death.

Having said the above, give me the choice; write "The" Novel, drunk, or die a little later with some small amount of dignity recovered, I choose the later. Lost dignity destroys me more than no money, no fame, no meaningful accomplishment.

But, I'm going to try and write some kind of damn book anyway.

And you are correct, "God and good people".

ivan said...

I was going to give Doubting Thomas hell for using "loathe" for "loth". Typos can sure as hell trick your meaning. So it's better Tom than Erik. What do I know? I'm just a carma mechanic.
Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of the...glatz?
The sapping of creative rage?
The slapping of creative rage?
I buy these BiWay glasses and can't see letters for dick.
Tell you a story:

A funny thing happened to me on
the way to rehab.
For a long time there was the sane and secure prof with the sane and secure house in the same and secure Victorian house, with the sane and secure wife and the perfect children.
One day a god came to hover overhead, split the house and split the nearby church belfry and split the man and said, "Twenty years ago, you promised you would get me water. Where is my water?"
The water was the novel.
All the other stuff around on the prof's well-treed sidestreet was just housekeeping. There was no novel. There was no water for the god.
I wish you luck with your novel, Erik.
How far along are you?
Serious enterprise, man. You break the novel or the novel breaks you.
It seems that if you waffle and opt for comfort, that god is gonna come and getcha.
What I found happening in my case was that the book was writ, but chewed upon by sharks. Not for nothing was Hemingway a genius when he wrote The Old Man and the Sea.
Too much John Barleycorn over here?
It sure as hell makes one garrulous.

Anonymous said...

Roll up the rim.

Seven-thirty, Friday morning. Early for an appointment. Punctuality is good. Time to indulge in the ritual that defines the Canadian ethos; time to go to Tim Hortons and roll up the rim. Now a springtime ritual that has come to personify mean-spirit and faint hope for lost causes. Dumpster diving may get you an SUV, but lawyers will get theirs, even if you don’t.

It is quite an obstacle course, being on foot amongst the lengthy drive-through line. Nearing the holy mecca of the double-double, I see a fellow at the corner of the building seemingly having an animated conversation with the bricks, complete with agitated movement of arms. He has his back to me, and has a pugilistic stance. Beware. As I get closer, I see a shorter girl in front of him, leaning against the wall. As I pass them, I can see she has been crying. She sniffs and tries not to look into his eyes. He has nothing to lose, she cries, her basic instinct when in conflict. It has always stood her in good stead. I pass them and come to a line of coffee-seekers that reaches out through the doors, echoing the line of cars outside. Everybody minds their manners and edges in lock step toward the coffee and donuts. Everybody has their mind in neutral and never looks anybody in the eye. Asleep? Or wary, vigilant?

At last I find myself before the order taker, a serious young man with a wild look in his eye. Coffee order given, I ask him if he will buy any stock in this company now that shares are traded to the public. He twitches as if shocked, amazed and mystified by the question. He grins and makes a half reply. This too, has always got him away from surprises.

I take my paper cup of coffee away, and find the young couple still arguing at the corner of the building. Maybe they will always argue, until they awake. Roll up the rim, please play again…and again.

ivan said...

You know, there are days, when I see Timmy's coffee being carted in fron some other place, that you can never overestimate the stupidity of people.
Strike a blow for freedom. Whap a homeless guy in the mouth. LOL.

Good job on the vignette.

R.J. Baker said...

"Ya know, I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When the wake up in the morning, that's the best they're going to feel all day..."
Frank Sinatra

Anonymous said...

"I feel good
Like I knew that I would.
I feel nice,
Sugar and spice."

-James Brown

Anonymous said...

Oops, that last post was by DoubtingThomas, quoting James Brown. Can James Brown get down? You damn betcha he can!


ivan said...

Hot damn. Vietnam.
Sure a chance of mixed signals when the Sgt. says "get down".

Doubting Thomas:
JM has acknowledged your reply...I dont know what's wrong with his portal; he can't seem to hit this comment page.
He is one of the few paid and working writers I know these days, wonky computer or no.
Says he wants to do a piece on old Stones. I'm for it! Might have to reprint the thing out of Rolling Stone or somewhere, Jeff so prolific.
Yeah, I feel good too.
Play guitar? Just cover all six strings with your index finger, and you get a ninth or thirteenth chord. "I feel good"--clinketty!

...Think I'm losing my brains. On a country music kick right now. Have the hots for Faith Hill.

ivan said...

I don't entirely believe Doubting Thomas when he says he doesn't drink.
Something's got to inspire him...
Doesn't write too badly.
Lord, if they took away my Tequila I wouldn't be able to write at all.

Holy trinity of cigarettes, coffee and booze.

R.J. Baker said...

Ivan, there are many things to debate, alcohol and creativity, but a tortured soul I think we can agree upon is where the best writing begins. That and a 5th of Jack may lead someone to immortality...

ivan said...

What was it Faulkner said?
A little alcohol, a little tobacco?

Well,I'm no Faulkner though here and there I like to imitate the actions of the tiger without being the tiger. Interior monologue, Daisy and her pants, yeah. Combing the Old Testamentfor titles.
One thing for sure: I cannot write drunk. The action takes place the following day, once the cobwebs have been blasted out. Then the second stage: Four cups of Tim Horton's coffee.Double-double. Enough sugar to blow the pancreas off a poor diabetic.
I suppose the only thing I have in common with Faulkner or that famous coffee fancier, Balzac, is to tie myself to a coffee
urn...Will probably die of uremic poisoning.

ivan said...

P.S. to R.J.:
It just struck me that the guy in the picture, in my blog, having a drink, looks a bit like you.
...Come to think of it, he looks a bit like me when I was younger.
...It has just struck me that there was hardly any point of me writing the blog after Allison's poem.
The picture would have done it all.
Ideas are non-verbal?

E. Ann Bardawill said...

To Doubting Thomas.
I haven't though about Rimstead in years. What a loss that was.

Let's not forget Gonzo either.

Funny... I just blogged about hangovers.

The Greeks were right, eh?
Nothing in excess.

Akaky said...

Jesus, I hadnt realized I was so screwed up...maybe I can write a book about it and get on Oprah and everyone will love me then...

ivan said...

Ye gods.
Just like Akaky from Gogol's "The Overcoat" sent to haunt us and rip us assunder for stealing his coat, his beautiful winter coat.
What my poetic correspondent has wrought!
Yes, Virginia, there really is an Akaky? Says here there is. And he's got a website.
Thanks for stopping by, tovarich.

Anonymous said...

E. Ann, Rimmer was an original, that is without doubt. He was Everyman and he was a Runyonesque character. He appealed to the Canadian Joe Six-Pack. He had a heart of gold, and a fatal flaw that contributed to his demise. What a guy! He lives on in our memories.

Ivan, it is a wasted day if I don't learn something, notably the difference between "loath" and "loathe." (At least I don't make the common mistakes any more.) ;-)
And...I don't drink. I can, and do, every Preston Guild. Maybe. I am the sum of my experiences so far, some good, some not so good. Asi el la vida.

Forgot to mention the passing of another musical bard, Buck Owens. Writer and composer of many songs covered by a wide variety of singers. He prided himself in showing up for gigs clean and sober, and did his job. RIP.


ivan said...

WLhat do I know? I don't know pedant from pederast, though there are a couple of guys in the park I worry about.
I do get a kick, however out of some Monty Python-style routine, where bored people waiting for a bus hear a maddened pedant saying,
"Hela monster. The G is pronounced like an H."
Next thing you know, the whole cue is repeating to itself, "Hela monster. The G is pronounced like an H."
You had to be there.

ivan said...

That's Gila Monster, of course. Don't know if all that silliness was even worth even a proofreading.
The G, of course, is prononced like an H.
I think it's that second-hand Maryjane from those kids outside.
My entire right lobe seems gone and my left side has just seized up. I think I've been on this fershlugginer machine too long.
McLuhan say the machine shapes you.
Ungg..Borg...I think I have discovered my purpose.
Now you can't even beam me aboard, Scotty.

Akaky said...

Hey, I resent being called a dweeb!

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