Thursday, July 06, 2006

How to get back the one you love

How to get back the one you love.

Now there's a topic for you.

The stuff of a hundred novel plots, the deep-down yearnings for all of us, who had lost at love, the missing element in Shakespeare's plays, the Moby Dick thing once we are thwarted and want to fly into the face of God Himself.

How to get back the one you love.

Nice work if you can get it.

Are you taking this bit of filligree seriously?

I should like to say straight off that you can't get back the one you love right now, right at this moment; you just can't get there from here.

Things take time. Relationships change from minute to minute, and what you may have right now is not a need for some secret love potion, but very possibly a life-cleaner.

And yet it's still How do you get back the one you love?

The daisy-plucking thing.

She loves me not.

The best-seller thing if anybody truly finds a foolproof way to win back a lost love.

Why do we do it, we who like people on crack, think the other is god, is absolutely essential to our wellbeing, without whom we would simply die, for whom we would die.

They have it all over us.

"Hit me," says the masochist.

"No," says the sadist.

"Every since my masochistic baby left me, I've got nothing to beat but the wall," a singer named Doug Brown once penned.

So it is possible the other person misses you too. If only to have a whack at you.

But you can't phone him/her right now.

"I don't know what it is, but it ain't love," a blues singer observes in an uncharacteristic blues song.

You've got a condition.


Love-itis got a hold on me.

Romanticism. Always hearing more than the band is playing.


Shakespeare: Fill thy purse with money!

Once astray, a woman is insatiable, even unto the gates of Hell.

And the same for us satyrs?

Maybe we need a life-cleaner?

Fill thy purse with money. " Lay off that whiskey, leave that cocaine alone?" Certainly the song of Hank Williams III.

Funny about that, he only sang that song once on TV.

But he had something there.

No other society allows the excesses that our own does.

With your purse full of money you can do damn near anything you please. You might be able to get back the one you love if only it is for her/his golddigging. You have the power to off someone.

But you can lose that power overnight. No money, no job; you'll soon be trying to get back the one you love.

"No money, no funny," says the old Ukrainian immigrant in Manitoba.

"Fill thy purse with money," reiterates the wise Shakepeare.


Okay, okay. Enough of being cute.

You can get back the person so recently out of your field of vision.

You will not be able to do it right away. You will need to use time, and passion and power.

It can be done.

What strange love is this Bitter wormwood in her kiss. Stare her down, old man!

Don't know what the female equivalent is, but it's something like that.

And once a female has you by the balls, you will surely follow.

But is the game worth the candle?

I have personally followed a woman for twenty years, wrote a book about her, caused her to abandon her lover won the game, but have felt like Rumpelstiltskin all the same.

And the worst of it is I didn't even go over to claim my prize.

We get right up to what we really want and then, inexplicably, turn away.

Georgie- Porgie.

There is an in-depth Freudian analysis of neurotic Porgie in an old issue of Esquire, Porgie's infantile yarning for the mother, his oral-anal fixations, his need for rejection, all that explained, tongue-in-cheek, to the point of high hysteria.

The hell of Freud, is that he is right most of the time, even though he had to go to Hell itself to find the key.

And for him too, it was "Lay off that whiskey/Leave that cocaine alone."

Freud too, needed a life-cleaner.

Stop riffing your sister-in-law, Sigmund. You are scaring the cats.

I once proposed to do a column titled A Redneck's Relationship Guide.

You all blue 'cause she won't have you?
You got a problem, cousin.
Somebody's dick is in the way.

Never mind. In north Korea, they just launched a rocket called Big Dong.

It failed the first time, but by the second and third time, it showed itself capable of hitting Hollywood.

You are capable of hitting Hollywood.

But will you still want Nicole Kidman once you have her in the clear?



Jaye Wells said...

"Maybe we need a life-cleaner?"

...Or an enema.

"I'm gonna wash that women right out of my ..."

Sorry, it's late.

I, for one, am glad you blogged.

ivan said...

Thanks, doll.

Erik Ivan James said...

Heh, heh, Ivan on the rise. Will you manage to continue the climb, my friend?

ivan said...

Thanks, pal.
Have you ever tried writing?
Its impossible!

Erik Ivan James said...

You know I've tried, Ivan. Not very well maybe. But, I continue on. Doing it for me. That's enough for now.

ivan said...

To coin a phrase: Way cool!

Sela Carsen said...

I knew you couldn't stay away from us. Is blogging the new writer's whiskey/cocaine? In my starchy propriety, I wonder if that's the kind of question nice girls ask.

Uh-huh. Suuuuuure.

ivan said...

Blogging is addictive for sure.
Dare I say even sexy?
Sexy, somehow, if the poetry is right. Jogs something.

Shesawriter said...


Just when you thought you were out, we pulled you back in. :-)


ivan said...

The cute gaze is just too arresting!