Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Internet romances

Internet romances.

Sela Carsen, author of NOT QUITE DEAD (Samhein), says in her blog that she cherishes her internet friends, holding them almost equal to real people.

But there is another dimension in cyberspace, the love connection without going to the pros.
Internet relationships develop,some warm, as in the case or poetess Janet Harvey (see reproduction), or outright negative feelings as in the case of correspondent Josie, who had finally been flatly rejected in an internet relationships and she says in her blog and she doesn't like it much.

Internet relationships.

Been in one?

I am sort of in one, but the jury's still out on that one.

Enough that she is very smart, can write like a dream and has the cyber savvy, and lately a job as, I think, a web designer.

Two months ago she was flat on her fanny, apparently no place to go, and then, by some miracle, she straightened herself right out. It is me, the advice-giver who is now eyeing the dog food, and so is Fido and I don't mean cell phone.

Ah, well. We prop each other up.

What are your internet relationships like?

Ever been in an intense one?


Josie said...

Yes, I have been in an intense one. It had a very strange, other dimension (parallel universe) quality about it. It seemed very real, and very intimate. And very surprisingly for me, I truly grieved it when it ended. And yet I had never actually met the individual. But we were very close. It was bizarre, and I would never - ever - do it again.


Josie said...

I might add that I think the individual might have been a bit of a "cad" in real life, so it was not difficult for him to persuade an intimacy and then quickly leave when it was no longer "convenient". It was the first time that had ever happened to me, and I am trying to be ladylike and gracious about it, but I do feel a bit angry.

I hope his karma gets him.


ivan said...

Yeah, Josie.
I was going to say something like that. There are people who are crippled somehow, emotionally or even physically. They will seek out some innocent person to "get."
For example, in Mexico, I met a one-armed billiards player.
I was a little embarrassed in the first place to play; after all, the man was crippled.
Then he beat my ass. Again. And yet again. I started to play, really play, but he cleaned my clock all the same. These people become really focused; you can't beat them. Control freaks.

Later in--let's say "graduate school"-- I met another billiards player who said he was in THIS place because of a "control" thing with his wife.
She left him.
He wanted to commit suicide after this, as do some control freaks who realize they are not omnipotent after all, that they lose more often than they win, that their control is only in narrow parameters.
Ha. You talk of parallel universes.
This might have been a trick the lover Rodolph played on poor Emma Bovary in the famous novel. "I remind you of someone from the past, someone you were really found of, but could not quite approach." Yeah.

Ah, we poor pilgrims. No matter how accomplished one becomes, no matter how famous, there is this naive streak. I know for sure I've got it and you might too.

Ah, but the plot thickens.
Truth, truth of life is stronger and more fascinating than fiction.

Later, much later, the second billiards player was somehow involved with the same woman as me.
I was oblivious, like poor Charles
Bovary as to what was going on.
Then I saw them together.

"Bill," I said, naming the incubus.
Seemed that once I named the secret lover, I had power over him, control freak or not. He could no longer control my life or my "wife".

Name the incubus, and you will have power over it.

Wanna name the guy?

Josie said...

No, I don't want to name the guy. That wouldn't be ladylike or gracious. I try not to "kiss and tell". His karma will get him, though. It doesn't need me to do it.


Sela Carsen said...

Wow. I've never been in a relationship like that. My marriage pre-dates my exposure to the internet by a few years.

But I did know a woman on one of my first message boards who broke up her marriage by having an online affair. Sad and strange.

Thanks for the mention, Ivan!

ivan said...

I do notice that when I put too much raunch into my comments on other sites, that there sometimes seems this perfect quiet.
Hubby had a look?
Gota, uh, watch it, I suppose.

Back in the days when I was writing my novels in the attic,
the book itself was sort of a "literary mistress", but she was only in my head.
Nowadays,with today's technology, I could punch in Hertz rent-a-chick , she would be helicoptered in, probably.
I did try this once (for research purposes, you understand) and she came by way of Bavarian Motor Werken. Damn those Greta Garbo fantasies!
Whoops, chugalugged the coffee pot again.
Somebody will probably come out with a vintage Saturday Night Line, as one correspondent, a male, did recently. "Why Ivan, you ignorant slut!"

Josie said...

In all fairness to the individual involved, he was a sweet person and I walked into it with my eyes open. So I cannot blame anyone but myself. Stuff happens. It's just that I didn't expect it to happen, and it shouldn't have happened.

You learn something new every day.

ivan said...

Rejection is not pleasant. I've certainly had my share of it, the furniture- out- in -the street syndrome, the Ray Charles "Hit the Road Jack" song and all that.

It happens to the most accomplished most beautiful people.

I recall when I was working for the Canadian Magazine, there was a writer named Tom Alderman (You see him on CBC, The National, every now and again).
Anyway, one day Tom was interviewing this Indian chief and master canoe carver and Tom kept bugging the native person about the kind of wood he used, where he got it, did he read "Boats of our Native People", did his canoe ever tip over--all that.
The chief would soon have no more of this.
"I want you to leave," he told Tom.

Who me? God's chosen, the premier magazine journalist in the country, the one with the biggest reputation?
"Yes you. Leave."

I recall telling my wife that I didn't think Tom would take it so hard.
"What did you think," Karen had said. "Sensitive. Of course he's sensitive. He's a writer."
And what a writer Tom Alderman was! Used to give me pointers when he was an editor. Said groovy stuff, like "you're only as good as your last piece."
--Come to think of it, I feel a little odd about what I wrote in a comment just above. Ah, the old Damon-Runyon background!

Ah well.
I suppose, Josie, that you were in a kind of love...I think I've been there myself; it's certainly explained in my "Fire in Bradford", top right of this page.
You kind of fall in love not so much with the person, but the idea of this person. In my case, it was a kind of Clara Bow, an IT girl, sprightly idyll, who would give me anything I wanted real or imaginary.
The real model for my novel character used to say, "You are attracted to me like a moth to a flame. You can't help it. I've been doing it since I was two."

She soon had me all atizzy, making mountains out of molehills.
I went to readings of Soren Kierkegaard for relief.
Said that old eccentric of 1838, who drove away his fiancee for philosophy "Making mountains out of molehills--ha?
"Well love IS about making mountains out of molehills."

Trouble with Kierkegaard, I found is that he seemed to act on your consciousness like a rough chiroptactor. Really gave your brain and spine a snap.

So who wants to be a bad chiropractor.
It does seem then, Josie, that in that unusual relationship it was a case of Kierkegaard's Either/Or.

Guess it was either/or.

Lord we're getting long-winded.
What time is it getting to be?

doubtingthomas said...

Hey, Ivan! You just said something. The idea of the person. The green light at the end of Daisy's dock.

I was sixteen and it was the lawyer's daughter in my small town. Charlie Brown had his golden haired girl; MKK was mine. But I was sixteen and half-formed. And like most sixteen year-old males learning about the world, every day was something new, what was important yesterday, was forgotten for the next new thing.

Now that I am FN-60, I can look at everything in perspective. Ha! One is only as crazy as one's next true love.

ivan said...

Migod. What a flash.
Illuminating to me, for sure.

Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of the Gatz?


blackcrag said...

I've had two intense internet relationships, actually. Hardly surprising, given the problems I have connecting with people int he real world. SOmehow it is easier to open up when it is just pixels on the screen.

Neither ended well. One misunderstood something I said (admittedly, I was very depressed, thusly very dark when I said it) and never 'spoke' to me again... the other--yes, well. the other. In retrospect she was an attention hog. She loved you if you could lavish attention on her every day. I did some moving around, had intermittent Ineternet access, and, before I got back on-line full time, she wasn't interested.

But for all that, in both cases, I believe our feelings were as real as any with 'real' people, that is, face-to-face people.

I am deliberately avoiding a third e-lationship because I don't want the comfort of loving someone combined with the longing caused by their absence again.

Sorry about the long answer, I try to keep my comments short. But if you've been bouncing around my blog, you'll note I am usually long-winded (though I hope to the point or at least on topic).

ivan said...

Hi blackcrag.

See you over at H.E. Eigler's PHANTOM KEYBOARD quite a bit. She has a zippy little blog.

Yeah, your experience seems to match Josie's a bit.


Thanks for your input.


Josie said...

Ivan, I know what you're thinking, but no, he and I don't know each other... hah.

It's interesting to see that other people have had a similar experience, though. And yes, it can be as "real" as real life, and it can be just as painful. I had never had anything like that happen to me before, and I will not let it happen again. I believe a little bit of "dishonesty" was involved, sadly.


ivan said...

I myself have been a little monkish of late, all manuscript illumination and hardly any relationhip.

Now, with a recent success in the media and reprints of my novels here and there on the web, I am fast becoming a "Wine-Stoned Cowboy" and women are really on the phone. Like real women and not virtual, largely from the past--echoes of good relationships.
But I know the Goddy way: Stick with the starving artist thing or you'll get right back to sex, drugs and rock and roll all over again and you'll be in the dumpster, not as a tourist at being broke, but as a tenant.

There really is aautionary tale here to "write good" and stay away from entaglements, but then you get into the entanglements because at one time you could write good in the first place.

I think I'll just keeep my relationships virtual.

But then the furies come in the middle of the night.
Every time I turn on the tv, somebody's getting laid.
The Nickelback song, something about a photograph.