Monday, October 23, 2006

The Kiss and Ride


There is a steel company in Hamilton ON, which prides itself on the slogan, "our product is people."

My recent problems with my computer, probably made in Hamilton, would read, "Made in Hamilton, by incompetents--Our product is people.

Or is that me?

Made in Hamilton, by incompetents.

It's like the old Johnny Carson Tonight Show. Somebody brings in a one-wheeled motorize bike. It is called a Wheelie. He can not get it to work.

Says Johnny:
"Ah well. Somedays you just can't get your Wheelie to work"

That's me.
Lost all the top part of my blog, because my right hand pinky keeps hitting history or something.
If I were back in San Miguel Allende, I would surely be named Manuel Incompetent.

So before anything else happens, I'd better give you Act II, Scene 5 of this play I'm working on.

THE FIRE IN BRADFORD

Act II Scene 5


Scene: It is the Kiss'n'Ride terminal on Yonge Street, at the top of Toronto.The glassed structure looks a lot like a Fifties jukebox , or the rotunda-like layout of a hospital emergency entrance. Outside, the circular lines of asphalt where workers were dropped off by too often still pyjamaed spouses. Inside, stairs leading to the trains.A quick kiss, hubby or wife goes to work, driver goes home for second cuppa.
Right side of Lief's SUV nears the curb. The professor sits next o Lief, who is still finishing his coffee from the Tim Horton's travel cup. Celia is on the outside, cloest to the curb.
Celia: Here we are.(She leans over the professor, the professor getting a brief faceful of brassierre. She gives Lief a kiss. Wifely kiss.The professor gets a whiff of makeup and Celia's perfume.his excites him..
Professor: Oh man. Nothing like showbusiness. Gotta rock'n'roll. The Roar of the Greasepaint. The Smell of the Crowd!
There is a rumble and then a screech in the building, as inside, a subway car comes to a stop Before opening the SUV passenger door, Celia reachs over to, ever so briefly, and in full view of Lief, caress the professor's bulge.She opens the door, pauses, now on the inside running board, out of view of Lief's gaze, and mouths, "Phone me at work."
The professor closes the car door behind her and gets a lovely flash of Celia, half-turned and waving in her Victorian Paisley dress and the red granny boots.Lief waves back, and so does the professor. She closes the Kiss'n'Ride glass door behind her and vanishes down the stairs.

LIef and the professor speed off towards Bathurst Street to go south. The Parkway not too far away has turned into
Parking Lot, so Lief has to brave traffic and still get to work on time.
/tg orifssor is still high, not sure whether it's last night's vodka or something in the coffee.

Professor. This is, uh, just a little rococo. Makes me think of a line out of Faulkner. Some Indian guy with a name like 'Had two Fathers'."
Liefer, , old fruit. We playing musical broads? "Had Two Husbands"?
Leif doen't appear to like this.

He takes his eyes off the road to look at the professeor. Angry look.

Lief: "It's my wife and my car, David.

The professor is a little squelched. He takes a sip of the coffee dregs.

Lief: So you've taken out an apartment in Toronto.Why is that?

Professor: Why do you think, Lief?

Lief, who is no fool: The Just Man Syndrome. I didn't think you little arrivistes had any class.

Professor: Gotta make my getaway.

Lief: Yeah. St. Louis Woman.

Professor: More like St. James Infirmary Blues.

Lief: Never met a sweeter man than you?

Lief has now parked the SUV infront of the other Kiss'n'Ride.

Professor (getting out):Want a kiss before I go, Lief.?

Lief (With door still open): "Of all the women in the world--and you're pretty goodlooking--Of all the women in the world, you'd have to pick her!

..........end Act II, scene 5


Damn,damn and double damn!
Keep hitting the little history bar or whateever, just under my pinky.
Lucky got this much done...Will probably figure out the problem in the morning.
This new keyboard is out to sabotage me.
Gevolt!

8 comments:

R.J. Baker said...

Don't axe the Acts...like the Faulkner line.

ivan said...

That is so approprieate, R. J.!

ivan said...

That should be "appropriate".
...I'll never buy a Salvation Army keyboard again. LOL

EA Monroe said...

What would we do without Duct Tape, Ivan?

Josie said...

Well, I accidentally deleted my whole blog and had to start again. Argh.

ivan said...

There has been an entire TV concept
on duct tape, here in Canada and
running for the past ten years.
I'ts the Red Green Show, sponsored--you guessed it--by 3M.
Well, there's one thing I have in common with Red Green nowadays:
The show has become lame.
Yes, gotta get that duct tape out and start fixin'.
...Come to think of it, I gave the manuscript of my second novel, The Hat People to an old prof, widely published by Collins, one Eric Wright.
Said Eric. Hmm. You're a bit Balzakian and a bit Dickensonian,but I'd suggest you read THE FIXER and write to a plot like that.
Sheeeeiiiete! Two novels and I have to go back to writing to a plot?
It is coming back to haunt me. LOL.

ivan said...

Yeah, Josie.
I was blaming my disappeared blogs on my equipment, but sometimes it's the server.

Nervous-making.

Here I am, operating on two cylinders (life has a way of kicking the crap out of you, especially after 40) produce some fair short-distance stuff--and Poof! Gone.
When the going gets tough, the tough get drunk, I say.

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