Tuesday, October 10, 2006

That Peter would ...ck anything!


I was telling Flood (at Flashflood) that when you have something good going and tell everyone about it, the little deivil on your shoulder is going to give your one hell of a case of bursitis.

Happens all the time...You get a go-ahead on a story, you send it out and wham! rejection.
(I know for sure Jaye Wells and I should hang around together--certainly happens to me a lot, more often than i care to tell).

So when I got a mental block over a theatre script, I decided, hell, screw the format, why not write a book and let the director or script assistant figure it out for themselves.

I got part of this advice from Vance Packard (is he still alive?). Don't write a script: Write a book.

So instead of writing a play from scratch, I realized I already had a three-act-er in my "Fire In Bradford".
Hell, half the play can be narrated by good old "Guidebook", as in "Under Milkwood" and the use of real place names here in Central Ontario might just do it. If the folks can recognize their favourite watering holes, restaurants, opium dens--then I wold be halway there. Local colour, I say.

I sent it to my local member of pariiament (congresswoman) and she said, yeah, if it feel right, do it. I'll send you a note you can send in as an early review.

My MP is known as something of a star-***cker, from highly placed cabinet ministers to not too talented hockey players--my kind of chick!

"Gotta watch that Peter MacKay," says famed comedian Norm McDonald. "That man would f...ck anything, even
Mr. Irwin's crocodile." The reference was really to Madamme Condoleeza Rice, after rumours had sprung up that Mr. MacKay and she may have had a dalliance.

But my MP has lately been known for dating hockey players. Here's hoping she gets it on for a budding playwright.
......I know nothing about plays, neither does Flood, but, as babes in the woods, we are willing to try anything.At least I am.

I would gladly sell my not- altogether -athletic body ('Pot very happy,' says the I-Ching) for a play produced.

I am courting you, Belinda!

So all right.
I'm bragging before anything happens, and that will get that little devil active with his trusty little pitchfork.

Ouch!

For ....ck's sake!
.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi John nad Ivan:

Could you take a look at this article too.

Any suggestions most welcome.

Many thanks - Tony


Hugo Chavez Trumps Bush


Stymied in the White House



The White House hasn't been able to launch an effective counterattack against Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez's accusation that President Bush is the devil and smells of sulfur.



Not that the White House doesn't want to. But how easy is it? Below is an imaginary conversation between Bush and his media advisors as they try to come up with a response to Chavez's accusation.



BUSH: Well, what can we do about this ``devil'' remark about me?



ADVISOR: Well, It isn't that easy George. I've been thinking of a comeback, but you see the devil accusation is a hard one to top.



BUSH: There must be something. What did we call him in the past?



ADVISOR: Well, you called him a tyrant, a drug dealer, and a dictator but this is petty stuff. George. Don Rumsfeld compared him to Adolf Hitler. It used to be that Hitler was as high as you could go, but Chavez has upped the ante.



BUSH: Well, what have we called some of those other guys.



ADVISOR: Well, you called the Kim Jong Il a pygmy, a spoiled child and a tyrant who runs huge concentration camps. But that's fairly mild stuff really. Even calling Iraq, Iran and North Korea the axis of evil doesn't measure.



BUSH: We' ve got the best media thinkers there are. Let's look for some ideas.



ADVISOR: This isn' t just the media George. This is theology. This is a question for the theologians and I consulted with some of the best.



BUSH: What did they say?



ADVISOR: Well, they gave me some alternatives: Beelzebub, Lucifer, Satan, Asmodai, , Mephistopheles But you see George, these don 't top the devil. They 're more his equivalents.



I did ask them whether there was a name in another religion for a devil who is worse than the devil we 're familiar with.



BUSH: What did they say?

ADVISOR: Not really. The devil is pretty much the same in the three major religions that came from the Middle East .

We've been trumped George. It's something we'll just have to live with.





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


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ivan said...

Tony,
Can't find too much wrong here, though things have ratcheted up quite a bit since you penned this.

EA Monroe said...

You mean Miss Condi is two-timin' her man George?!

ivan said...

Yep.
Peter MacKay, the top ahem! External Affairs Minister here did say something about how great she looks in he morning.

To do a segue, I wish i hadn't written that blog heading.
I was immediately pounced upon by two Russian dating services. My anti-spam caught them.
They asked if Peter MacKay was going with anyone at present, and that they could help.
They said they had a brunette for me and a blonde for Peter.
But then my "congresswoman" is a Blonde and they did have an affair.
Maybe I should keep the headline.
That Peter is one horny dude.

EA Monroe said...

Hahaheehee! That's hilarious, Ivan.

Josie said...

Ivan, you're too funny. That little devil certainly lives on my shoulder. Sometimes he's asleep, but most of the time he's wide awake.

I accidentally deleted my blog, so I had to start another one.

Arrggghhh.

ivan said...

Thanks.
Being a little voyeuristic in this um, railroad trilogy, I'm yelling, "Clear the track! Handcar coming!

ivan said...

Josie,
Yeah, I tried to access your blog yesterday and it was down.
Isn't it frustrating when you compose a really crafty little reply and the whole thing disappears in cyberspace.
Certainly happend to Hemingway in the low-tech days when his wife (Hadley?)lost an entire manuscript and he had to redo from memory.
Yeah, that little devil.
Been aggravating me all day on the eve of submitting my play manuscript. The thing was finally delivered, but that little imp tried all day to dissuade me from attending the play after which I was to submit my own script for perusal by the dirictor. "I am too hungover to go, I feel like crap.
They had outmanoeuvred me in the laundry room and my clothes smell like a sausage; I can't go; I can't afford the drinks at the cash bar; I can't go; I have announced in my blog that I will be submitting a play--this guarantees failure for sure....
The little devil just loves this and starts shoulder-surfing with that goddam speargun.
Ow well. I went. The script was taken. I hope I have conquered.

Jaye Wells said...

That freakin devil. Nasty little bugger.

ivan said...

Yes Jaye, he really is, isn't he.

Took all the discipline I could muster just to show up at the theatre.