Sunday, January 14, 2007
What is the plural of Mongoose?
Sunday morning coming down.
I feel like B.O.S. this morning, you know, Bag Of (familiar Substance).
It probably has to do with those cans of high octane beer. The label is Mongoose, and it is made in Hamilton, ON, probably by incompetents. Who else but the city of Hamilton would boast, "Our product is people."
Well, you may be good people but you can't make beer worth squat. In fact, I am again pulling the loo chain.
If only this beer were as good as the picture on the can of that vicious weasel putting the death bite on a cobra.
"Drink enough of these and you'll soon be envying the snake," says one liquor guy in NOW Magazine.
I am envying the snake.
But then you don't see any cobras in my backyard either.
I have, I must confess, seen them. "And what did the cobras say?" you might ask.
A frustrated sports and nature writer, I would dearly love to describe and encounter between a mongoose and a cobra, the cobra towering over the mongoose, the mongoose feinting, dodging, bobbing, weaving..
The cobra, towering, standing on its tail, so much like bas-relief out of Ur or Egypt, like the Bush administration ready to invade Iraq, but the mongoose is faster, smarter, more assessive. It takes a nip, the cobra lunges.Misses. The mongoose makes anotherer feint. The cobra again lunges.
The mongoose has no natural defense. Only speed, agility, cunning.
Four misses and the cobra is wearying. The mongoose makes a feint for the head. Again the lunge from the cobra.
A few rounds like this and the cobra is wearying. It makes one more weak grab for the mongoose, but the mongoose has already bitten into the side of the cobra's head. The mongoose avoids frontal combat at all times.
Cobras don't bite. They chew. And chew again. With many, many fangs.
And soon the cobra is dispatched.
Well. I have dispatched my three magnums of Mongoose beer. Tastes like hops and honey with a can of antireeze thrown in.
But while you're drinking it, does it ever get you there. You want to take on that cobra. Bring 'em on!
You'd make it with a snake if it weren't for the game warden!
Go after a rockpile if you thought there was a frog underneath.
Ah, we redneck weasels!