Saturday, March 10, 2007

Why Two, K2?




There will be an early onset of Daylight Saving Time today.

Like about three weeks early.

I talked about this to my son, who was busy putting folks' fears to rest about this over at Omnipreator Computers.
.
"Steve,what are we going to do? This is Y2K all over again.
"All computers up to Windows 98 will be kaput until the proper Spring Forward date three weeks down the road.
"Your I-pod, old VCR, alarm clock, DVD--will be late an hour.
"And how are you going to reset your Blueberry?"
"Blackberry," he corrected. He gave me that "there's no hope for you old Luddites" look.
"The world isn't coming unhinged. Just routine Sunday morning operations."

I had to persist.

"Anchor people, Wolf Blitzer, Lloyd Robetrson, Morley Safer, are all telling me that total havoc will descend on the world community, this act of the U.S. congress to have daylight saving time come upon us three weeks early.

"They're already diving out of basement windows in East Kazakhstan. Barat blames it all on the Transportation Commission. He says nobody will get to work on time. 'The clocks are bent. We'll all go broke. It's because of those guys'".

Son begat is still unruffled. He yawns while reading the Toronto Star, where smart people, doctors, high- profile defence lawyers and even David Suzuki are warning of impending doom.

"Yeah, Dad." Gather up all the non-perishable food you can, get your hand-wound radio, and head for the hills. The end is nigh!"

"Why do you make me feel like a Jehovah's Witness everytime smart people tell me apocalypse is just around the corner? I mean, even Sandie Reynaldo."

Son chews his pencil while completing his crossword puzzle.

"Because it isn't. Everything's already built in. Taken care of.

You journalists!"

I went downstairs and banged the hell out of my Smith Corona.

35 comments:

HeiressChild said...

humorous post ivan. it really will be interesting to see what has happened when we wake up in the morning. maybe some things i don't understand, but i just think if it doesn't automatically change, then manually change it. but that's too simple, so it must be more to it.

islandgrovepress said...

Hi heiresschild,

There is certainly more to it.
I was bruising my son's quotes a bit, something I used to do in journalism and gotten into trouble over. Still used to tight deadlines, I guess: Never let the facts get in the way of a good story.
It will be really interesting as to what they will actually do...I guess we'll know in a few hours.

Cheers,

Ivan

EA Monroe said...

Hey, Ivan! At least you still have your Smith and Corona! I wore mine out 20 years ago! The letter "E" was the first to go.

I wonder if "voice mail" will also fail to launch?

Duck and Cover!

islandgrovepress said...

Hi Liz,

Really dug your drive-in feature on your blog.
You should sell to your local newspaper or magazine! Hell, you could sell that kind of story to almost any periodical, large or small.
I would certainly check out your local historical society. When is the next Centennial or sesqui-centennial? Betcha they'd love it as a "bring forward" file when the times comes.

Voice mail: It will likely creak along until they get us caught up.
I think the whole thing is chronological rather than operational.

Ivan

EA Monroe said...

Ivan, this year is Oklahoma's Centennial celebration! We'll be celebrating up to OK's actual statehood birthday on November 16th.

Thanks for the idea of selling the piece to the local yokels and I'm delighted you enjoyed the post.

Donnetta Lee said...

So here we go again with the time thing. It takes me forever to adjust each time. And this time, it's 3 weeks early. Oh, my. It'll take me 3 weeks to get all the clocks and mechanical things around the house in sink. I may be late for work Monday. Donnetta

islandgrovepress said...

The local newspaper should have this enormous spread or special magazine to commemorate the occasion. It will be a very big deal.
Huh. Clairvoyance? I didn't know it was Oklahoma's Centennial.
I used to travel to American border towns at specific times, just for the parties in front of equestrian statues.
We'd all be drunk down below, dancing at the street party.

islandgrovpress said...

Donnetta,

The whole thing is kind of disruptive...Seem to eat up more electricity and time than Congress may think.
Save energy? Give yourself time for a still-sunshiny walk before dinner?
Hm. Well, we Canucks have to go along with it because of border trade.
Over here in Canada, I live very close to the commuter tracks.
The guy/girl operating the klaxon must be deaf and on crack.
I'll be hearing that fershlugginer horn six times, beginning at what is really still five a.m.
...Interferes with my beer sunrisers!

Ivan

islandgrovepress said...

p.s. to Liz,

It just struck me that your "Pharaoh" will be getting huge print advertising for the Centennial.
Demand a raise!

Ivan

Donnetta Lee said...

Well, I dread it. I have a dental appointment Monday morning at 8:00--so that will really be 7:00. I hope I make it. I hope the dentist makes it! Donnetta

Sienna said...

G'day Ivan

I have a lot to be grateful for in my life and now even more...if I had not of wandered into Josie's blog, I would never have found all these interesting and wonderful people sharing their lives and thoughts and humor.

I have been reading (as much as I can) your site...you have the ability, or gift, (or both) of causing me to experience a huge and wide range of emotions in response to your stories.

A couple of times I was going to drop you a line and say...what? I'm not sure, but kept on reading instead.
What I do want to say is thanks to you for being such a great and talented writer...you certainly are experiencing an incredible life.

You asked who doesn't like Aussies...actually it is Aussies who are perhaps hardest on themselves...tall poppy syndrome and all that...a little cultural cringe factor maybe years ago, not so much now...

Really enjoy reading everything Ivan, thanks very much.

Pam
PS...you are a very, very funny man, great sense of humor, and in one of the articles there is a picture of you, to me, you are a dead ringer for Monty Roberts!

Josie said...

Ivan, I've just emerged from my Y2K shelter this morning, and I see everything is still here. My computer even has the "new" time down there in the corner. Phew.

Josie

doubting thomas said...

Monty Roberts? Thought it was Monty Python.

Time, time, time...is on my side.
Rolling Stones

The sky is falling, the sky is falling!
David Suzuki & al-Gore

islandgrovepress said...

Donnetta,

Don't we hate going to dentists?

Don't let your subconscious mind manoeuvre you into an excuse not to go!...It's such a good excuse ("I forgot.")

Ivan

islandgrovepress said...

Thank you, Pam.
Much.
Your farm in Australia (especially the horses) reminds me so of a past life. It is the dream of every Canadian (I suppose) to have that eight- acre hobby farm to raise prize heifers and horses.
My late father-in-law had achieved that dream and he brought us along with it.
Of course, spoiled Ivan had to be the rebel without a cause ("I am an artist, Martha!") and go off to find the holy grail.(Came back with two goats and a hooker).
..."What, no sense of humour?" the rake said to wifey.
No sense of humour!
Had the crap beaten out of me again.
Whoops, TMI.

Doubting Thomas (above) says I'm more Monty Python than Monty Roberts, but I know I really can't hold a candle to Monty Roberts and his horses, nor to Eric Idle, Johh Cleese, Michael Palin and those other talented and wonderful people.
Ah well, the local newspaper folk out this way gave me an honourable mention (I couldn't attend the ceremony because I was married and raddled with kids and mortgage).

Pam, where did you Aussies get your public relations person?
For the past thirty years, I have been clocking Australia's sprint to super nationhood. You guys have now achieved almost everything there is to achieve, from to arts and sciences to poor Lynn Irwin, a converted American going all over the world to keep up her husband's work with animals. Aussies rock.

Thank you for your appreciation, Pam, and I'm glad my blogging ladies have brought you this way.

Cheers,

Ivan

islandgrovepress said...

G'mornin' Josie (well, for me anyway).
Seems my old Bill Gates tubbocrap is working fine this morning as well.
Oh how long it takes to know there is no god but god, and he is a Mac!.
But Windows 98 is hanging in. My clock is off an hour, but it's always been off. Everything seems to work fine.
See you guys have rain over there in Vancouver. We have beautiful sunshine and 40 degrees Fahrenheit.
Tropical!

Cheers,

Ivan

Josie said...

Ivan, we have a pineapple express rolling in from Hawaii. It's warm but very, very(!) wet. The streets are flooding. I'm staying inside.

Sigh.

You know, in two months Toronto will have blistering heat and humidity, and Vancouver will still have rain.

Deep sigh.

Josie

islandgrovepress said...

Josie,
What does God have against Vancouver? There are such nice people there.

Ivan

Anonymous said...

To no one in particular:

"Why me, Lord?"

"Because I don't like your frigging face!"

Ivan

islandgrovepress said...

Doubting Thomas:

Strangely inspiring. Thanks.


re David Suzuki and Al Gore:

Dr. Suzuki was goaded by a TV interviewer into saying that our prime minister had his head right up the a.. of George Bush.

I'd say it's more of a kind of sexainte-neuf with Al Gore.

I think they are both bilingual...Still, Gore has Tipper!

Ivan

Donnetta Lee said...

Ivan: This is the fourth dentist in two weeks! Hopefully, he will find out what is going on. I know I am tired of the pain!! Of course, nothing seems to stop me from eating. Donnetta

islandgrovpress said...

Donnetta,

I don't know the nature of your dental problem, but four years ago, I kept having my fillings refilled all the time.
I went to three dentists, settling, finally, on a Chinese dentist trained in Hawaii.
His name, in fact was Doctor Yam.

One treatment from Dr. Yam and I had no trouble at all with my teeth.
Chinese folk setting a trend?

After meeting Dr. Yam, I thought he should have been candied!

Buy Chinese, I suppose, now that they haver their act together.

Ivan

Nell Dixon said...

You have a Smith Corona? Wow I used to have one of those but it finally died a while ago.
Hope your time change went ok.

islandgrovepress said...

Hello Nell Dixon.

Another writer from across the pond!

Yeah, we typists are persistent.
I'll bet you still remember the name of your typing teacher.
Mine was Miss Glynn, and for some reason, I'll never forget her.(She let me cheat; I had speed, but no accuracy).
Persisitence obviously paid off for you.
Congratulations on your romance novel about to come out.

Ivan

PS: Did I see a review of some of your work by Grumpy Old Bookman, UK?

i.

Donnetta Lee said...

Ivan: I don't know the nature of the problem either and neither does anyone else! Maybe the periodontist can figure it out! Cross your fingers. Donnetta

islandgrovepress said...

Crossed.

Ivan

Josie said...

Please, please, please remind me never to read Ivan's blog when I am drinking hot chocolate.

Dr. Candied Yam?

I'm too embarrassed to even tell you them actual name of a Chinese doctor we have here. No, I'm not even going to whisper it.

Josie

islandgrovepress said...

On the hysteria of eight coffees:

Heaven forbid it should be Hugh E.
Wang


Ivan

Josie said...

MUCH worse than that.

islandgrovepress said...

Josie,

Worse?

Even / can't imagine.

Ivan

doubting thomas said...

The crowd gathers below, and as one, chants: "Josie, jump! Jump Josie!"

Don't tease us Josie. What is his name? ;-)

Donnetta Lee said...

I can't stand it, Josie. Give! Donnetta

islandgrovepress said...

We'll accept you excuse this time, Josie--you were building your blog on Ann Coulter and her unfortunate twin.
But no disclosure on Peiping Tom, or whoever that Fu Manchu dentist is.
Might have to get Erik Ivan James (he is six-six) to hold you upside down and shake you till that calling card falls out.

But then it might come out like a talk balloon from one of my Chinese landlords who was furious at my not paying the rent.

Ivan

islandgrovpress said...

p.s. to Josie,

Vancouver has become Venice tonight. You poor people. Cars have become gondolas.

Beware of Italian pole-vaulters!
They are olympic and can propel themselves right up into your apartment!

Ivan

Anonymous said...

OK guys.

The long wait is over.

Literally.

The dentist's name is Long.

I have scoured the Vancouver telephone book and among the usual assortment of dentists named Fink (and a whole office filled with Schmuckers!) I found in the course of my foray into yellow journalism,
the name Long, first name, Fuks.

Dr. Fuks Long.

Hey man!

Ivan