Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Tony Soprano, you're a gas


My dentist keeps asking me, "Ivan, why do you insist on making a target of yourself around town?...They keep burning down your campaign office. Next time, all you'll hear will be a click and you'll be 'swimming with the fishes'."
"Don't know, Dr. Lightman. Old newspaper instinct. I try to be novelist, but the old ambulance chaser is still in there."

So it was small wonder that anybody vaguely related to the Mob was soon giving Ivan a hard time around town.


You mean bankers and bus drivers are all in it as well?

Yep. And politicians and garbagemen.

Here is what I wrote in the Thursday April 5 issue of the Era-Banner hearabouts.



I've been reading Era-Banner hadlines lately to do with garbage incineration among our beautiful , well treed older subdivisions. Some of the headlines are none too cheerful:


ONE YORK SITE ON THE INCINERATOR SHORT LIST

RESIDENTS NEED TO BE KEPT IN THE LOOP OF WASTE TREATMENT PLANS

FOUL SMELL FROM INCINERATOR INCENCES SUBURBANITES



The province's harebrained idea to burn garbage alonside tony subdivisions at the estuaries of superhighways, especially in Newmarket, puts the lie on Al Gore, David Suzuki and all those other one-note wonders with their heads in the clouds and rotting garbage at their feet..

Regional councillors view all those "Amway--style" industrial videos and come back all agog over new garbage-burning technologies.

Talk to someone at Hwy. 404 and Mulock Drive. It doesn't work. Just like liquid shoe polish doesn't work, just like electric shavers and electric toothbrushes don't work...And don't get me started on five blades in one razor.

Some technologies are doomed from the start....Never mind Europe. We are not Europeans.

Sorry, learned friends, landfill is still the best solution.

But to get at the landfill, you have to get past people such as the fictional mob boss Tony Soprano who controls all the garbage incineration. He has even begun to influence poor old Dalton McGillicuddy, our "Ethelred the Unready" premier.

Easy money all around , especially with unelected regional chairmen ( Read third-ward bigwigs).

Bada bing!

So shut up Mr. Gore and put a lid on it Dr. Suzuki. The real Kyoto problems is social polluiton and the bad smell seem to go from the Sopranos all the way up to Queen's Park. You want to do somethng about Global warning? Air pollution?

Go ask Tony.


Well, that was my article, and a lot of people, vaguely Italian, are looking at me "sideways , like goose."
Maybe all I'll really hear at the end is just a click.
So far, it seems like something stupid is still surviving in the jungle.
Here is hoping my writing doesn't go from the abstract to the concrete!

10 comments:

patterns of ink said...

There's only one Ivan I "know" out there. If it was you, thanks for stopping by.

Donnetta Lee said...

Ivan: "Social pollution." I love that! Boy, I could tell you a thing or two about social pollution. It stinks.
Donnetta

islandgrovepress said...

Welcome patterns of ink.

I ejoy your blog. You're a poet and you know it. Why else the copright symbol?

Ivan

islandgrovepress said...

Yes Donnetta.

I understand. I know for sure half the kids are into drugs. Right in the schoolyard and inside.

Ivan

Josie said...

Just be careful they don't try to make you a nice pair of cement shoes.

Kids and drugs. Scares me.

Josie

Donnetta Lee said...

You're right, Josie. Kids and drugs. Bad combination. Scary combination. Sad combination. Donnetta

islandgrovepress said...

Alice in Chains:

"Yeah, they come to snuff the rooster..."

Ivan

islandgrovepress said...

Josie,

I wasn't going to blog about any of this, but once you get something published, the whole street knows it. People have been talking to me about the piece all day.
I have to hand it to the women editors hereabouts who seem to give me pretty well free reign.
I must say it's a rare privilege in Southern Ontario.
Most folks said, "what the hell Ivan, it's what everybody knows anyway."

EAMonroe said...

Social Pollution. I hadn't heard that one before. I've heard about Social Engineering though.

To heck with global warming! What about the extinction of the honey bee that's happening world wide?!?!?

islandgrovepress said...

I am so with you on the bees, Liz.

First came across it in Richard Brautigan's "Trout Fishing in America."

"You want bees to go with this trout stream we are selling you?
You can have the stream for ten thousand, but the bees come extra."

There has been a shortage of bees pretty well all over North America.
(Vancouver parks seem to still have them, says Josie).

All nature thrives on the bees.

We lose the bees, we lose the apples, the peaches, and pretty well all gardening. Certinly most agriculture.

There really must be more emphasis on this.

Global warming?

The Arctic reports this month as the coldest on record up there!

Ivan