Sunday, May 06, 2007

Guest blog by John MacGregor: How much does it cost to fly to Detroit?

Strange days of serendipity.

An old college Pal, John MacGregor has just sent me this piece, strangely, at a time when blogger JR writes about the screw-ups and miscreants that he has to deal with in the course of his profession as prison educator.

--Ivan

The following are all replies that Detroit women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing "father's details;" or putting it another way..".Who's yo Daddy?"
These are genuine excerpts from the forms. Be sure to check out #11. It takes 1st prize and #3 is runner up.

Five surely gets "most creative."


1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 East Grand Boulevard where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all look the same to me.

8. Peter Smith Is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time...well, I don't have clue.

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 8956 Miller Ave, mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.
--Compiled by John MacGregor

14 comments:

Donsie said...

Goodness these woman must get their priorities right!!! How can you not know?? Goodness. I am shocked. Is there really people like that?? Or am I REALLY naive here??

islandgrovepress said...

Donsie,

I join you in being naive.

Do you get Jerry Springer on TV in SA? Very much a series of Jerry Springer episodes. I didn't know people could have attitudes like that and still somehow live.

Ivan

Josie said...

Ivan, this is too funny. Omigosh. No. 3 made me laugh out loud.

These are real answers from real women? Oh, those poor children....

Ha!

Josie

Anonymous said...

Yeah, that number three!

Remember that Cheech and Chong routine? Blind Melon Chitlin'?


Must have been some lover.


Ivan

leslie said...

These are funny and sad at the same time. I'm with Josie on #3. :D

islandgrovepress said...

Yep.

#3 kind of sneaks up on you. :)

Ivan

Donnetta Lee said...

I agree with everyone: #3 is a doozy! Just when you think people can't get any dumber. These "ladies" don't seem to value themselves or their children very highly. Hate to say it, though, but these were funny.
Donnetta

Josie said...

Ivan, you made my day with this list. I keep popping over to read it.

****chuckle****

Josie

islandgrovepress said...

Hi Josie,

Glad it makes you smile.

...I gotta watch myself when I type the word glad.

My careless typing always seems to have it come out gland, then everybody does a Charlie Brown on me.
"Why's everybody always pickin' on me?"

But I suppose if I were to misstype again, I'd probably be in keeping with the current blog here.

Egad, I thought these things only happened on Springer!

Funny how educatore and people of authority say one thing about society-- and on the ground, it's something else altogether!

Our society has not evolved for the better, it seems. It's become gauche. So gauche that it's funny!

Ivan

Donsie said...

Yes Ivan we have Jerry Springer in SA but they make Bleep sounds when the people swear and for that reason you have difficulty in following the story because those people, and I hope I do not step on someone’s toes, they use swear words for verbs and then the whole sentence does not make sense because the cut outs. Only if you can read their lips... must say I do not like the program. Just not the way I was brought up.

islandgrovepress said...

Jerry Springer has picked one hell of a way to make a living: bringing out the worst in people.
The entertainment value is seeing the idiocy of those characters, the half-naked man sporting a tie and out to beat up on an antagonist...The cat fights between jealous women.
It is truly lowbrow entertainment, but it does make you laugh.
I don't think any of us really knows people like that.
Likely, a lot of the drama is made-up.

Ivan

JR's Thumbprints said...

Ron LeFlore sired numbers 1 thru 11 and is trying to get out of paying child support. LeVar Burton has offered to help.

Anonymous said...

Ronald LeFlore (born June 16, 1948, in Detroit, Michigan) is a former Major League Baseball outfielder. He played six seasons with the Detroit Tigers before being traded to the Montreal Expos, retiring as a Chicago White Sox in 1982. He stole 455 bases in his career, and was an American League All-Star selection in 1976. A movie and book were made about his rise to the major leagues after being an inmate at the Jackson State Penitentiary. One in a Million: The Ron LeFlore Story was a made-for-television movie starring LeVar Burton in 1978

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