Friday, May 18, 2007

Simpering, bragging, ends-of-hair-twirling Penelope

Simpering, bragging, end-of-hair- twirling Penelope, wanting to one-up anybody in social occasions to which she is never invited, but simply crashes--Penelope wanting to take over (too much assertiveness training?), Penelope making a total ass of herself.

This brilliant nailing-down of a character, so well rendered for us by Kristin Wiig,marvellous actress, saviour, I swear, of Saturday Night Live.

How many Penelopes do we know?
A guest will say, "My husband and I have a time- share in Fort Myers."
Penelope will simper in, "We have bought the Leonardo Arms in Fort Myers."

"Sally just graduated with an English degree."

Penelope (twisting the ends of her hair with one hand while the other hand is into the canapes): "My husband has a medical degree. He's a doctor. The kids are vacationing in Switzerland."

Penelope, ending up, somehow at an apartnment tenant's meeting.

Tenant meeting secretary: "Isn't it nice to have Ingrid play the piano for us?

Penelope: "I have grade eight in piano and it's a university credit. I love Prokofieff. I can play piano better than Ingrid."

Tenant: "I just bought a Caddy SUV. Cost an arm and a leg."

Penelope: " My husband drives a Lambhergini. He's a doctor in Maryland."

Tenant (irritated now): "Maybe you should go and join him there."

Penelope:" I travel all over the universe. I do it by teleportation."

Tenant: "Maybe you should go to the moon."

Penelope: " I love the moon. I love Mars. Lots of canals. My husband and I just came back from Venice."

There is a break now in the cocktail action.

The head tenant declares a birthday for one of the tenants.

"Happy Birthday, Sally-in-the-red-dress!"

Penelope "I own a red dress. "It is my birthday too." (She tries to grab the microphone).

Head tenant: "Penelope!"

Tenant head (Interjecting): I think we've had just about enough of this. I think we should adjourn to my apartment. You are not invited, Penelope!."

Penelope: "I have a bigger apartment. Nicer. My husband is a doctor."

Everybody leaves at this point, leaving Penelope to snatch at canapes and twirl the ends of her hair.

Haven't we all met a Penelope?

The one-up lady, but crazy as a loon all the same.

Off-the-wall chick somehow married to a high income professional.

Brilliant role for Kristin Wiig.

And so funny and righ-on compared to the stale skits of SNL in recent years.

Ms. Wiig is back at SNL after a two-year hiatus...Producer Lorne Michels has had to fire so many people to meet budget, some of them brilliant, to wit, Rachel Drach.

But Kristin Wiig had me laughing so hard over real people like Penolope that I'd met.

Aren't they totall A-holes?

Fact is, Kristin Wiig started out on an SNL skit just recently, titled something like "Meet the A-Holes", a guy and girl team of the Penelope sort.

Haven't we met every one of these people personally?

Chracters so well nailed.




Josie said...

Ivan, I work with one. She looks like a man, but she's always mentioning how beautiful she is. Huh?

There's no way to one-up a one-upper. Just nod and smile. These people know the only way they're ever going to get any recognition is if they do it themselves ... so they do.


islandgrovepress said...

Funny you should say that, Josie,

I just came across one today (again!)

Friggin' A-hole!

Walked right into the middle of my good mood.

I told her I don't play gutar any more; wasn't as good as I used to be.

She answered, "Which wasn't very."

&*&^%$# !!

EA Monroe said...

Oh! I haven't ran across too many, but I do work with a lady who has a way of doing exactly to me what that lady did to you, Ivan!

I don't think she "listens" to what she's saying or how the words sound coming out of her mouth. Or maybe she does and just "acts" like she doesn't! Yeah, that's probably what she's doing -- a double shebang on me!

Like you said -- "walked right into the middle of my good mood." Don't you just hate that?! said...


Yes, then you meet a GUY like that, and then two guys like that and they're even worse.

Why do they come on like that?
Are they hiding a drug habit and that is their defence?

Like that song of the Eighties,

"Why don't jerks know they're jerks?"


Sienna said...

Ivan this is so interesting, you always write such thought provoking stuff (so funnily!!:) )

There is a man here, in town, he has never loved, never taken a risk, never put forward an opinion (and stuck to it), you know, a thought or opinion on politics or life or love or anything, he just agrees with everything! depending on whom he is standing with...someone buys a tractor, he buys a bigger one, someone buys a new car, he buys a bigger, dearer one, people bought "walking machines", he bought the biggest and get the drift....he is the loneliest, saddest, man on the shakiest a way, a quieter Penelope?

I am so glad I am who I am, the mistakes I have made :), the stupid things I have done, (the great things)...these people are such sad on earth did they ever get to be who they are??

I'll bet you make great music! You are one very talented guy, and in your short years on earth I bet you have lived for twice the number! she is on such shakey ground to make a comment like that...meanwhile, you make your ground your own earth!

BTW do you realise we almost have a band, the Quarks are musical, this is fantastic, you sing Ivan?

islandgrovepress said...


The Newmarket music scene, big name or small name-- is extremely competitive.
Members of the group Barenaked Ladies and Glass Tiger come from here and Gordon Lightfoot has been known to set foot here (he lives just across the lake)....I have played with these people when we were all just starting out, but they stuck with it and have all hit the big time, even Dan Hill.

The lady I have in mind was once on a band show of mine...I was too tired (drunk?) to perform and I asked her and her brother to do a guest set.
They did a very good job, and they did not forget it. Neither would they let me forget about it.

...I was just in email contact with Jan Harvey, our poetess now and again. She is in from Jamaica fairly recently and might still be a bit dazed by Canadian speech idioms.

Anyway, I aked Janet if she would be interested in being a Jamaican Quark for the proposed kids' flick.
She said something about a crocodile coin as her avatar.
I presume there is an actual coin with a crocodile on it from Jamaica, presumably a remnant of British rule.
We haven't quite zeroed in on this
concept yet, though I think a Jamacian "quark" would be just fine.
Janet leans towards dialect and I wonder if some of the kids would get it, but I think they might.

Anyway, Janet and I are still emailing back and forth.

Yes. I do sing.

Cudddly hugs,


Sienna said...

Ivan that is brillant, you get this!! A multi cultural children's thang! crocodile is brillant, Jamaican croc...I love it, the mystical ship, this is virtually writing it's own plot...I tell you, life is simply incredible

Canadians are surely gifted, your country, per head ratio, and the quality of music...would have to lead the world
Gordon Lightfoot is amazing...just one of my favorites, Jane Siberry, even though a little out there, is incredible...and such a humble talent. Giving all her fortune away and living life how she wants...what a woman

Donnetta Lee said...

Hi, Ivan. We have a husband and wife team like this at work. He is a psychologist and she is a counselor. Neither one knows their a** from a whole in the ground. But, to hear them tell it, they know all, can do all, and have all. My hubby says there is nothing worse than a psychologist who does not know how he/she is being perceived. Man, you can say that again!

islandgrovepress said...


Yep, yep and yep again.

I have noticed the same thing with service industry executives.
They really don't know if their ass is stapled on or what.

...Usually one good woman in the company knows what she's doing, and she's not a braggart and the guy takes all the credit, being superior, while only Jeanette is the only person who knows where everyting is...And he lords it over Jeanette!


islandgrovepress said...

Poetess Janet Harvey says she will be the Jamaican crocodile.
We are getting quite a menagerie.


islandgrovepress said...

Further to Pam.

Jane Sibbery,eh?

Here is what I found:

by Ian Grey (August 1999)

Jane Siberry is not easy. She sings about dogs, God, angels, sex and more in a multi-octave voice unhampered by considerations of gravity. The style of one album seldom has anything to do with that of the next. Even her hair won't stay the same. So for those not actively keeping up with her career, a short re-introduction is necessary, lest one loses track of this incredibly fascinating singer/songwriter/conceptualist.
In just the last two years, Siberry sang on Joe Jackson's Heaven and Hell, wrote songs for k.d. lang's Drag and The Laura Nyro Tribute CD's. Started her own Internet-based record company, Sheeba Records ( after she dropped her label (Reprise, a division of Time Warner, Inc.). She's had songs collected in at least eleven CD's ranging from Lesbian Favorites to 96 Dog Songs - Celebrating Disney's 101 Dalmatians, or featured in the films UNTIL THE END OF THE WORLD, THE CROW and THE SWEET HEREAFTER.

Meanwhile, last summer saw the release of her first book of prose-poems, Swan, and her participation in the ambitious "Suffragette Sessions" tour, alongside The Indigo Girls, Lisa Germano and members of Luscious Jackson and the Breeders. In the last few months, she released another book, ONE ROOM SCHOOLHOUSE, performed at the Central Park Joni Mitchell Tribute show, and has at least two CD's of new music set for released in Summer/Fall this year.

Yet despite the incredible quality attached to her almost inhuman level of productivity, Siberry is often treated by the media with the sort of respectful annoyance usually reserved for brilliant if slightly-deranged aunts. The fact is, Siberry's work defies boredom. Whether the country/folk airs of Bound by the Beauty, the out-there electro-pop of The Speckless Sky or the loose jazz of Maria, Siberry always gives, as mystery writer John D. MacDonald would say, "good value". Listening to several of her albums in series the eerie impression of a slinky one-person musical underground working just outside the media radar. And, incredibly, in this age of Sting's, REM's and U2's, she has a sense of humor

Sienna said...

Oh thankyou so much for that! (Ian Grey's review). He has written that so well, so well.

Jane is not mainstream?

What is mainstream, anyway?.
I believe she has further changed her name, now Isis? something like that. Given all her possessions and I think savings to charity, said I can get by, I'll just sing and write some more...

If you could just here her music, you may have heard KD Lang do a version of "Calling All Angels" is amazing, an amazing and beautiful song.

"Sail Across the Water" is another, "Bound by the Beauty", "Bessie" (the escaped cow!)
My favorite is "In The Blue Light:"

"It made me realise
How beautiful and strange
Is the bird of love
It flies so differently
Cries so differently
From the bird of whatever the other.."

Jane was supposed to tour and play some of Oz, I was hoping this year, really wanted to go and see her.

When she had her website going, (not sure if it still operates) she wasn't charging any fee for downloading her music, just said ..if you want, and you think my music is worth anything you can pay me whatever you want. Or nothing!

She is incredible Ivan, yet another creative, talented Canadian, truly, what is in the water over there...

I have just been watching some comedy film (and a little music) of The Wilkinsons!! So funny...we have only just got it here, filmed in Belleville Ontario!! episode 3 the nudist neighbors, I laughed so hard. So well done.


Anonymous said...


Yes, in the blue light.

We have a beer in Canada with that name, but it's nothing like the real thing, falling in love.

"Drink to me only with thine eyes"?
Haven't been there for a long time but I recall it as pure magic, wherein the beloved wears a halo. As in a Vedic painting.

All this has caused me to pick up the guitar and sing again.

What a useful communications medium the internet is. Certainly for Jane Siberry in promoting her music and for us hackers to get words and music instantly for anything we want to play.

I got Jane's "Calling All Angels" mixed up with a TRAIN song of the same title, but found on TRAIN'S
website another song I love, "Drops of Jupiter", finding there, to my amazement that this song is merely in the key of C instead of the A mi 5 that I thought the song had started in.

Migod, it's just C-G-F-G, with the mi-5 thrown in.

Seems that it's the same for all problems: You just need to find the sheet music or the operator's manual!
What a tool the internet can be!

And what tools we are for neglecting our abilities, parking them on a shelf.

The Jane Siberry reference seems to have inspired me.


Anonymous said...

Jane Siberry's new name is Issa, which is Arabic for Jesus.


Josie said...

Ivan, I once did a post of famous Canadians, folks people don't know are Canadian, and I got an amazing response from people all over the world. We do have some talented Canadians, don't we? Including a writer I know from Ontario.... :-)


islandgrovepress said...

Yes, we certainly do extraordinarily well at music and the arts.
Heh. The writer from Ontario. :)


Sienna said...

Oops apology for wrong name...

Thankyou Jesus. "Issa."

Anonymous said...

Bless you Issa.

islandgrovepress said...

Five American universities have hit my site so far with searchword
"tenant meeting with penelope."
They must offer Speech there (a theatrical discipline).
Well, I'm certainly going to watch Saturday Night Live tonight to see what Penelope is up to now, though with my luck I'll probably end up with a rerun and be forced to watch an hour- and- a -half of not very good comedy.


Josie said...

Ivan, have you checked out JR's video?

I just know that's him singing...! He sounds good. How do we get him to 'fess up that it's him?


islandgrovepress said...

Sounds a lot like JR, Josie, going by his previous voice stuff.
there's not a false note or a chord out of place.
The guy really has a whack of talents.
Sort of like an old Boeing 707--it can do anything but write :)


JR's Thumbprints said...

It's always about perception, isn't it Ivan? Even in our crankiest moments. I'm not entirely back, even though people are welcoming my return, but I'll work through the bullshit--eventually.

islandgrovepress said...

People want you back for sure.

You should see the emails people are sending me about your crooning.

I guess now it'll be your blogging.

Looks like you're going to cut out the BS and dehorn the cattle.


Josie said...

I knew it was JR singing. Too funny. All these people out these with all their hidden talents.

Who knew?

Josie said...

I meant out there.

But you knew that. said...

well, we can't "out" JR.


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