Tuesday, June 19, 2007

A black icon, an angel and surely a Tasmanian Devil






One of the nicest ladies who has ever walked down the pike seemed to walk into my blog some time ago (Probably nudged by Josie, another correspondent here).

She is Sienna (real name Pam); she lives in Victoria, Australia and she has seen it fit to start promoting a couple of my book titles there.

Do angels live in heaven?

No, they seem to live in "Birchip", Australia, and they have a veritable Noah's Ark of animals they keep on their race horse farm.

Every morning, you are very likely to see in the yard a kangaroo with a Joey almost as big as Mom Kanga, a stuck-up emu, four Hungarian hounds that might as well be people (they all have personalities) and gorgeous horses so fine you'd swear that El Greco painted them.

Veritably, a peacable kingdom.

And here we are in Canada, so busy hardscrabbling to pry a dollar out of somebody that we hardly have time to pause and smell the eucalyptus.

......................

Recently, on the street, I met Larry Woodcock, who designed the cover for my Light Over Newmarket novella.

"Australia?" he said in an uncharacteristic appreciation (Larry is not like Will Rogers. He hates just about every person he meets, and he's down on just about any country, calling them furriners).

But today, when I told him some lady in Australia liked his cover illustration, he seemed to show great respect, even awe.

"Everybody wants to go and live in Australia," he was telling me.

"Ontario is a crap-can.

"Ten months of winter and two months of really bad skating weather."

I was glad I caught Larry in a good mood.
Two weeks ago he'd punched out a hapless optometrist saying, "This is how I ride up on you slopes. Penny-pinching bastard!
Then he accused some poor Pakistani of stealing his bike.
"You camel-****ing MoFo, you should't even be in this country. I've got half a mind to beat the crap right out of you."

Afterwards, he went to city hall and harrangued seven councillors, right up in the Chamber, calling them all scoundrels, frauds, cheats, homosexuals.

The new mayor was aghast.

Said the secretary, "I guess you hadn't met Larry before, Your Worship.

"Your Worship!" Larry mocked her. "I didn't come to worhip anybody."

And Larry gets away with it.
He is eighth-generation. Scion of pioneers who started Newmarket. To call Larry broken down aristocracy would be equating him with Lord Black. Larry is poor as a churchmouse, and extremely opinionated, to be sure.
He is also probably the best artist in town.

Ah, artistic temperament.
But he's got the chops (artistic and judo) to prove it.

I used to be a lot like Larry at eighteen, but at five-foot eight, I soon learned you can lose a mouthful of ivories really fast by being the fastest mouth in town.

So I write books and Larry does the cover illustrations.

There is some stigma.

"Who published your book--Larry?"

Well, they're all so good, and they're all so fine, but Larry has more talent in one finger than they have in all their bodies.

Why does talent hide in the strangest places.

Actually, the poor Pakistani that Larry really did punch out had earlier done some work for me as well.

He had selected a cover for my Black Icon novella.

It is reproduced above.

Hey, you can still get decent help! :)

---Ivan

54 comments:

JR's Thumbprints said...

Hey Ivan,

There's definitely a market down under, especially if it's endorsed by one of the natives.

islandgrovepress said...

Thanks, JR, and welcome back.

Ho're you doing anyway?

Ivan

islandgrovepress said...

Whooops!

Should read "How're you doing".

Ho're is an interesting montage of letters, but it would certainly trick my meaning. :)

Ivan

Donnetta Lee said...

Oh, boy! Pam will be pleasantly surprised to read this post. She is a truly good person, I believe. Good material for Quarkdom. And I love Larry's artwork. What a character he must be.
Donnetta

EA Monroe said...

I hope Pam can get into blogger to read your comments, Ivan! Larry's a character all right. You have such interesting friends!!

islandgrovepess said...

Donnetta,
Yes, Pam is for real.

Too bad about her blogger problems
at this time when the quarks are active and she really needs to get some information through.

...Seems to be this weird run of bad luck in our section of the blogosphere...My bank manageress took sick and will be off for a week--just when I need her the most...An underling probably won't be able to understand my complicated proposals (scams?). :)

Yes, my artist friend Larry is the town character...but talented!

Ivan

islandgrovepress said...

Hi Liz,

Yeah, Larry.

Talent does indeed hide in the strangest places.

Ivan

http://www.creativewiting.ca said...

p.s. to Liz,

I've had a second look at one of JR's stories and have left a comment on his blog.

Seems the editor that rejected his story can't himself seem to write his way out of a wet paper bag.

Ivan

Josie said...

Hey, Ivan, ho're you doing? Ha!

This is a wonderful post. Maybe you can e-mail it to Pam.

Josie

islandgrovepress said...

Hi Josie,

Paroxysm of laughter and a cough:
A ho're!

I migh embarrass Pam with all the praise, heartfelt as it is?

Better if someone else would send the html?

Have at her, quarks! If you want to.

I am on the edge of some sort of mini-breakdown here. Everybody sick at the bank. Waat the hay!

Finally got red-eyed statistician to help with my sagging overdraft.I have to produce tons of income tax paper.

Starting to eye that loo chain.

In case of emergency, yank! :)

Ah well. My old mother used to tell me a dream of sh*t was money. :-)

Ivan

leslie said...

Hey, jump in and pull the chain! You just might end up in Australia like Nemo and can praise Pam in person. :D

Josie said...

Leslie, you are too funny. Like "Flushed Away", Ivan can jump out on the other side of the world.

islandgrovepress said...

Leslie,

You guys are hilarious!

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...thump!--That's Ivan laughing his head off! :-)

islandgrovepress said...

Josie,
Yep, it's me, Ye old Privy Councillor.
...Would that our Ottawa Privy Council wold surrender all power back to the Queen...we are obviously too incompetent to manage our own affairs. :)

Drove my Chevvy to the Privy
But the Privy went dry...

How am I ever going to access my
China machine?

You guys are wildly funny.
Must be quarks.

Josie,
Thanks for forwarding the current blog to Pam, who's having computer problems.
I hope the link works for Pam.
She could use a laugh, I think.

Ivan

Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

Hey,

I simply love your writing coupled with sacasm and feel now that Larry is well known to me. I could almost picture him and you watching in the backgroud. I would probably be smiling all the while sanding in the corner. Because of this I find the pair of you intriguing and delightful.

EA Monroe said...

Ivan, is that darn Mercury retrograde that's screw up everything!

islangrovepress said...

inside our hands, outside our hearts:

The hell if it is, Larry and I actually look alike.

Larry was standing outside a Veterans' bar recently.

Someone came to him and said, "Ivan, I just love your articles in the local paper.

Larry looked at him evenly, began doodling on a napkin and offered an explanation for everything:
"F-off garbagemouth, can't you see I'm busy?"

Now I have to deal with a veterann who thinks I'm rude!

Ivan

Anonymous said...

inside our hands, outside our hearts:

The hell if it is, Larry and I actually look alike.

Larry was standing outside a Veterans' bar recently.

Someone came to him and said, "Ivan, I just love your articles in the local paper.

Larry looked at him evenly, began doodling on a napkin and offered an explanation for everything:
"F-off garbagemouth, can't you see I'm busy?"

Now I have to deal with a veterann who thinks I'm rude!

Ivan

islandgrovpress said...

Liz,
Yes, yes, yes.

While not picking stars, I looked up at the moon this evening, with Venus just to the right.
That damn invisible Mercury!


There was a table set up under a chesnut tree.
The Mad hatter and the Doormouse were having something at it...

Ivan

Josie said...

Oh, god, there isn't another full moon on the way, is there? Excuse me while I head for the hills :-)

islandgrovepress said...

No full moon for a good week yet, Josie.

That's probably why I'm surprised at how well I seem to handle adversity. Calm as quaalude.

Captain Queeg, in The Caine Mutiny (rolling two steell ballbearings between heel of hand and closed four fingers):

"It was the strawberries. That's where I klnew I had them!...
"With geometric logic, I proved that they actually stole the strawberries..."

Booga-booga.

Ivan.

p.s.:

Strawberries or no, I think I'm going to have a drink.

I.

Josie said...

Well, I think Bogie would be happy to join you. Strawberries or not...

islandgrovepress said...

"Ah, Bogie," sighs Jean-Paul Belmondo in a film.

Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

Too funny. The humor is great and something I need. Thank you again

htttp://www.creativewriting.ca said...

inside our hands, outside our hearts:

Good morning.

Thanks for the comments.

Oh we try, we really try. :)


Ivan

Sienna said...

I am in!

I am in!

I seem to be repeating myself, don't know how it worked but I'm here and I'm not leaving...except to read other blogs....(wasn't able to get comment up on Josie's).

Well I have missed you and everyone...I'll post this up before I drop out/off?

The Black Icon cover is fantastic, I love it Wild Larry.

I am beginning to look like Monty....and talk like him.

This is like flying in through a storm and not sure if you've landed in the right spot.

Ivan, is angel lager backwards?

Donsie said...

Sometimes I don't understand why people hide there talents... Why be a poor churchmouse when you can live comfortably?

islandgrovepess said...

Pam!

You finally got through!

Those goldurn dial-up computers can really scotch you.
Like Angel Lager, I suppose.
Abracadabra!
Your computer has been exorcised and you finally got this site.
Maybe by now you've managed to get into Josie's comment space as well.

So nice to have you back.
Here you are on the other side of the world and your computer conks out!
Not for nothing did I shake rattles and do a witch doctor dance.
You're back and I hope the button you pushed keeps us all in contact.

Ivan

islandgrovepress said...

Donsie,

Hi.

Oh, Larry has commissions on top of commissions.

It's just that he gets his money up front and then disappears, more often than not.
People complain and then he gets fewer and fewer commissions.
He was supposed to do a major mural at the local library some time ago...I don't know what happened there, but I recall Larry saying the head librarian was a bitch. I think he actually called her that.
Larry!

Trevor Record said...

Larry sounds like a character. I have a friend who sort of reminds me of Larry. One booze-fuelled night at my house he wrote the lyrics to a song titled "Paki Cunts" to go along with a melody I had come up with. He defended it as "a celebration" of his "consitutional rights".

islandgrovepress said...

Trevor,

Ah, geography and anatomy.

Ivan

limakaliente said...

wow, now i know when is the angel's house. thanx

islandgrovepress said...

limakaliente,

Buenos dias, amigo.

Me vide usted gustar "alcohol, sex, drugs."

Me gusta tambien!

Ivan

There are some new people on the blogs who seem to have the same knack, without even knowing that Sissman ever lived.
I very much enjoy Dan's blog on Dan's Bah Blah Blog.

The resemblance to Sissman's style is uncanny.

Ivan

islandgrovepress said...

Oh damn.

I tried to be cute in offering a Spanish answer to limakaliente, but forgot I had cut and pasted a comment to another blog about super-writer L.E. Sissman.
So it came out half what I wanted to say in Spanish and a strange cut-and-paste that I'd sent to another blog on another matter.

Non-sequitur department.

"I like corn flakes.
"Can you swim?"

Blame it on the lateness of the hour.
Heh. I almost typed latenness.

Ivan

Josie said...

Ivan, you're a gem.

LOL

Josie

ivan@crativewriting.ca said...

I think you're righ pretty too, Ma'am. :)

Anonymous said...

This week we celebrate a special birthday.



Monica Lewinsky turned 31. Can you believe it? It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around on the White House floor on her hands and knees, putting everything in her mouth.



They grow up so fast, don't they?

--Mabel

islandgrovepress said...

Mabel,

I guess that last bit really came from Gail, your friend, and you passed it on.

Ah well.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Ivan

benjibopper said...

"Ontario is a crap-can." That's the quotation of the month, baby. His talent is obvious in that one line alone.

islandgrovepress said...

Benjipopper,

Delighted you are back.

Yep. Ontario.
"Smoke free" while the McGuinty government builds incenerators in our beautiful, established exurbs.

I especially enjoyed your exerpt on your blog from The Tony Clifton Experience.
Reads uncannily a lot like the opener of my own tome, The Hat People, though I wrote that 35 years ago.
Keep the faith, baby.

Ivan

EA Monroe said...

Ivan, Josie has runneded away again! I hope she has restocked her pantry with fine chocolate and good stuff to eat. Oh, and to drink! ~Liz

Dan said...

Two weeks ago he'd punched out a hapless optometrist

Hopefully in the eye. It had to be in the eye, right? :)

islandgrovepress said...

Liz,

I get first dibs on her Black Label scotch!

Ivan

islandgrovepress said...

Hi Dan,

Yep. Gave him a good one. :)

Ivan

Yuanyuan Lin said...

7.02lllllllyuanlongchamp pliage
cazal sunglasses
kobe bryants shoes
hermes belt for sale
nike air max 90
ray ban sunglasses
swarovski jewelry
coach outlet
michael kors factory outlet
polo ralph lauren
oakley sunglasses
herve leger dresses
ferragamo outlet
louis vuitton bags
lululemon uk
cheap nba jerseys
michael kors outlet
kobe shoes
ralph lauren
ralph lauren outlet
burberry outlet
ralph lauren outlet
links of london jewellery
coach outlet
coach handbags outlet
tory burch sandals
ray-ban sunglasses
pandora outlet
nike air force 1
coach outlet
oakley sunglasses
nfl jerseys wholesale
michael kors outlet
beats by dre
ralph lauren outlet
7.02

dong dong23 said...

nike outlet
adidas ultra boost
coach factory outlet
michael kors canada
jordan shoes
gucci outlet
mont blanc pens
michael kors purses
coach outlet
louis vuitton handbags
coach factory outlet
michael kors outlet
cheap jordans
michael kors outlet online
cheap jordan shoes
coach outlet store online
jordan 3
ray ban sunglasses
louboutin pas cher
fitflops sale clearance
true religion
jordans
louis vuitton outlet
air jordan pas cher
hollister clothing
lebron james shoes
replica watches
coach outlet store online clearances
ray ban sunglasses
replica watches
louis vuitton bags
adidas ultra boost
louis vuitton outlet
christian louboutin shoes
coach outlet
ray ban sunglasses
christian louboutin outlet
adidas shoes
adidas shoes
louis vuitton handbags
20167.27wengdongdong

raybanoutlet001 said...

discount oakley sunglasses
adidas nmd
michael kors handbags
adidas stan smith uk
cheap basketball shoes
tiffany and co outlet
nike huarache
ray ban sunglasses
kobe basketball shoes
cheap nfl jerseys
michael kors outlet
http://www.oakleystoreonline.us.org
michael kors outlet
jordan retro
michael kors handbags
nike air zoom structure 19
oakley sunglasses wholesale
mlb jerseys shop
michael kors handbags clearance
michael kors handbags,michael kors handbags clearance,michael kors clearance
kobe sneakers
nike air zoom
tiffany and co outlet
yeezy sneakers
michael kors handbags
oakley sunglasses,oakley outlet sunglasses

chenmeinv0 said...

michael kors bags
canada goose jackets
nike tn pas cher
louboutin outlet
north face jackets
canada goose jackets outlet
michael kors outlet online
discount rolex watches
clarisonic mia 3
true religion jeans
2016.10.28xukaimin

LCc 03 said...

yeezy boost 350
yeezy sneakers
basketball shoes
nike dunks
lacoste polo shirts
adidas ultra boost white
oakley sunglasses,oakley outlet sunglasses
adidas nmd
tiffany and co outlet online
fitflops sale

Unknown said...

nike tn pas cher it
titans jersey book,
jacksonville jaguars jersey Friday
longchamp bags website
new balance outlet them
michael kors handbags to
new york giants jerseys cute!
nike roshe run I
dolce and gabbana shoes easy
gucci borse for

chenmeinv0 said...

christian louboutin
christian louboutin outlet
polo ralph lauren
coach outlet
michael kors
rolex watches
calvin klein
abercrombie outlet
snapbacks wholesale
ugg boots
20173.6chenjinyan

caiyan said...

ralph lauren sale clearance
polo ralph lauren
ray ban sunglasses
ray ban sunglasses
cheap ray ban sunglasses
rolex replica watches
rolex replica
swarovski crystal
swarovski crystal
swarovski jewellery
0417shizhong

aaa kitty20101122 said...

jordan shoes
michael jordan shoes
michael kors handbags outlet
michael kors handbags
michael kors factory outlet
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet online
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet online
michael kors outlet

raybanoutlet001 said...

converse all-stars
ugg slippers
air jordan shoes
nike shoes outlet
texans jerseys
indianapolis colts jerseys
ralph lauren shirts
new york knicks
coach outlet
ralph lauren outlet