Saturday, June 02, 2007

Gods, Goddesses--and David Bowie

Snapped continuity.

Unfinished business

Parallel universes, dimensions you'd vacated, too soon and too early. It takes forever for you soul to rejoin your body while you're Major Tom trying to reach ground control.

Social scenes you'd run from. Your paramour giving a birthday party in your asence-- scotched by your sudden running off to go somewhere to rescue your marriage. The notes to you sent later."Happy Birthady! There is a lot of love going out your way, Prof."
And, from a student, prone to outrageous behaviour, whose polarity you were never sure of.. "Always go toward the centre of the edifice." Profound. But was he talking about something else?
You recall on the road that a truckdriver had said it better. "You ain't at the front gate yet."

Notes, mememtos from the friends and students you'd abandoned at the Mexican university to run back to Toronto, maddened by that Dear John letter from your wife. The gap you'd left in your faculty as other teachers had tried, like the top branches of a lopped pine, to seek for a crest again. You had violated the conditions of your fellowship, your contract. You had told the dean you would not run off no matter what. And you had run off.

The girfriend, whom you had first perceived as having all the brains of a hairdresser, had turned out to be the more assessful one. "Wind things down like an adult, like a person. Have some ceremony. Don't just run off."

But you had run off and left an entire universe of associations, people, half-marked papers, manuscripts, run off with just your typewriter and your flight bag.

In transit.

Major Tom to Ground Control:

This is major tom to ground control
Im stepping through the door
And Im floating in a most peculiar way
And the stars look very different today
Floating in space.
You didn't know that Home base was destroyed. Destroyed by your mistress, making love to you and your family. Her intentions were honest enough. She wanted a man. Wanted a husband. She didn't take into account that you were already a married man, used to being married, used to lots of sex.
Used to home and hearth, auguring for a temporaty hearth.
Used to taking care of children.

She had caught you in a transitional state, where you were vulnerable. Christ in another dimension, not yet properly out of the tomb-- who shouldn't have been touched at all.
Now a law of nature had been violated. The world-squirm now, after the sin.

"Adam, where are you? Why are you hiding from me?"

"Because I am naked."

"Are you, my Major Tom?"

Though Im past one hundred thousand miles
Im feeling very still
And I think my spaceship knows which way to go
Tell me wife I love her very much she knows

"She knows.

"There is no redemption among Us Three."

"It is like that?"

"It is like that. An antichrist will come, but he will be false."

Now the Dante Alleghieri Fan Club.

All the stages. All the circles.

"In the middle of the journey of out lives, I came to myself upon a dark wood.
For it seemed that the straight way was lost."

And earlier writings, perhaps Demetriades, who had said, at about the time of the satirist Juvenal, that a writer's words should be like crouching lions.

"You call yourself a man of letter, Adulterer.
"You have transgressed every contract of law and civilization. Man of letters indeed! You are now no better than a worm, a Vulcan. Black. Like Dante."

And what a dark and terrible wood it has been.

Finally rescued by a woman, herself black.

She understood.



Donnetta Lee said...

And the journey continues, doesn't it? No matter how we run from the path, it seems to find us again. "Here I am. Follow me." And, because we do the same things over and over again, we follow. Just long enough to run away. Such is life.

islandgrovepress said...

I think you should have hung around with T.S. Eliot.
He said the same things in his poems, I think.


EA Monroe said...

Ivan, you have bravely "lived" your life! And, damn the torpedoes! I wish I could say the same about myself! Well, it's never too late! ~liz

islandgrovepress said...

Thank you Liz.

I do feel like the unlucky Samurai at times.

Get our there, all confidence, all Shi--and come back with an ear missing and sort of cut up like Swiss cheese.

Ah well. You can't win 'em all.

But your comment was so heartening!


Josie said...

Ivan, wouldn't it be wonderful if we all had the power of hindsight? You're obviously an intelligent man who has been guided by his emotions at times, rather than his intellect. Heck, I don't have any intellect, I am always guided by my emotions. Look where it got me. But we all makes mistakes, and as Donnetta says, we continue to make the same mistakes. Such is life.


islandgrovepress said...

Sisypus poised at his rock.
Or Lothario poised?
Says Joni Mitchell, "I really don't know life at all."