Sunday, June 10, 2007

The night Saturday Night Live was truly funny

What follows is the funniest Saturday Night Live skit since the great days of that show in the late Seventies and early eighties.

SNL has since pretty well gone downhill, but it took Kristen Wiig and some brilliant writing to get the show back on speed: Here is Episode 5 from Season 32:

A Message from the Speaker-Elect of the U.S. House of Representatives Rep. Nancy Pelosi...

[ open on Seal of the speaker ]
Announcer: The following is a message from the Speaker-Elect of the U.S. House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi.
[ dissolve to Nancy Pelosi sitting stern and proper at the desk in her office ]
[ the audience applauds enthusiastically ]
Rep. Nancy Pelosi:
Good evening. I'm Nancy Pelosi. For the past nineteen years, I've been a member of Congress in the eighth District of California, proudly representing the citizens of San Francisco.
As of this January, however, I will, in a sense, represent all Americans, when I am sworn in as speaker of the House.
[ the audience cheers ]
Despite the efforts of this administration to frighten Americans about the Democratic Party, and its alleged [ makes quotes signs with her finger ] "San Francisco values", last Tuesday you went to the polls in record numbers, and you sent this White house a message:
that "stay the course in Iraq" is not a plan; that our health care system should serve ordinary citizens, not pharmaceutical companies;
that so-called rough sex can be a necessary and fulfilling adjunct to a better sex life - partiularly when it involves fantasy role-play scenarios, such as kidnapping or forced interrogation, provided, of course, that both participants are willing and disease-free, and have agreed on what we call a "safe word" - for example: "Palomino";
that an increase in minimum wage is long overdue; and, finally, that U.S. citizens do not surrender their Constitutional rights, the moment they engage in multiple partner or group sex, provided, once again, that all participants are willing, at least twelve years of age, and no peanuts, or peanut products, are used.
We Americans have always been a religious people, a member of my staff tells me.
And whatever you may have heard, the Democratic Party is not anti-religion.
Whether you're a Wiccan priestess, a Druid, tantric Buddhist, Servant of Moloch, Lord of Fire, Presbyterian, or a member of the Cult of Collie - your faith will be respected, so long as no animals are harmed during your ceremonies - except, of course, gerbils.
And when the new Democratic majority Congress convenes in January, it will truly be a Congress as diverse as the nation it serves.
[ show photo of each individual as she names them ]...They are mostly black.
Chairing the Judiciary Committee: John Conyers;
at Ways and Means: Charles Rangel;
at Homeland Secueity: Benny Thompson;
at Government Reform: Ernesto Guevara, Jr.;
and Agriculture: this naked hippie.. and his old lady;
and Small Business: yet another black dude;
and Finance: the drummer from Rage Against the Machine;
and, at Intelligence: al-Qaeda number-two man, Ayman al-Zawahiri.
Truly, a Congress that looks like America.
[ Nancy nervously looks offscreen, as a leather-clad S&M enthusiast enters ]
What is it?
Dana: Nancy, uh, you need to okay this. [ hands her a memo ]
Rep. Nancy Pelosi: [ to the audience ] Excuse me. [ turns to her aide ]
Uh, Dana - I'm kind of in the middle of something.
Dana: I'll come back.
Rep. Nancy Pelosi: And, Dana, about your outfit - it's alright now, but, as of Jauary, you might have to go with more of a business look for the office.
Dana: [ slightly embarrassed ]
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know.
Rep. Nancy Pelosi: No, no - it's fine for now, but, you know, but after the transition --
Dana: Sure. No problem.
Rep. Nancy Pelosi: [ glances offscreen ]
Who's your friend?
Dana: Oh, uh, this is my slave - his name is "Filth" --
[ an S&M bondage slave, with a chokehold covering his mouth, enters the scene ] He's, uh, a human ash tray.
Rep. Nancy Pelosi:
Dana, this office is non-smoking.
Dana: Just pot.
Rep. Nancy Pelosi:
Oh. Okay! [ extends her hand to "Filth" ] How do you do?
"Filth": [ muffled ] It's a real honor to meet you, Congresswoman. Congratulations on becoming House Speaker, that's so great!
Rep. Nancy Pelosi: Thank you, I appreciate that.
"Filth": [ muffled ] You are great.
Rep. Nancy Pelosi:
Thank you.
"Filth": [ muffled ] You are great.
Rep. Nancy Pelosi: Dana, I'd better get back to this. [ points to the camera ]
Dana: Oh! Absolutely. Sure. [ drags "Filth" offscreen with him ]
[ Nancy returns her attention to the camera ]
Rep. Nancy Pelosi:
With your votes last Tuesday, you have offered us your trust. I promise you, we will not betray it.
[ buzzsaw sound effects suddenly blare from offscreen, as Nancy holds a nervous pose in front of the camera ]
Dana's Voice: Palomino! Palomino!
Rep. Nancy Pelosi: [ glances offscreen ]
[ to the camera ] Excuse me, I-I have to take care of something -- [ rushes offscreen ]
Palomino! He's not breathing! [ runs back onto camera, with a panicked expression on her face ]
"Live, from New York, it's Saturday Night!" [ ducks back offscreen ]
SNL Transcripts

---I am still peeing my pants laughing over this. Palomino!


EA Monroe said...

Palomino! That's hilarious, Ivan. But, I missed SNL last night!

islandgrovepress said...

I'm sure you were channel-surfing.
Otherwise, how did you know the re-run was last night? :)


Donnetta Lee said...

Guess I will have to start watching it again. We watched a scary movie last night called "The Eye." It was so-so. Cantonese with subtitles. Kept ya on your toes just trying to read fast.

islandgrovepress said...


Ding Hao!

Josie said...

Ivan, you're a hoot. Too funny. I wish I had seen it. I fell asleep, ODing on NeoCitran.

And no gerbils were harmed in this post. (Tell that to Richard Gere...)


ivan said...

No gerbils were harmed.
Oh the annals of Richard Gere!

Have you seen Miss "B"'s post?
Gerbils definitely harmed there. Even people. And nobody crying "Palomino!" :)


EA Monroe said...

Oh Ivan!
You are too funny! Go down, Moses!! Heehee

islandgrovepress said...

You learn all kinds of things while serving in the Air Force.

Odd biblical references.

"Pontius Pilate was Rome's first airborne official."

Heard that one in Toronto. :)


Donnetta Lee said...

Liz, and on a Sunday, no less!
Donnetta said...


Whoops! I forgot.

Lightnin' bolt coming down.

Sorry, big G.


islandgrovepress said...

Funny thing about blastphemy.

I just lost my search setting :)


islandgrovepress said...

Funny thing about blasphemy.

I just lost my search setting. :)


Anonymous said...

Seventh FCO/ADTech Reunion

Kelowna, BC

September 10 - 12, 2008

7 June 2007

Dear Friends and Fellow FtrCOps/ADTechs:

The Kelowna host crew is pleased to extend an invitation for your attendance at the Seventh Fighter Control Operator/Air Defence Technician Reunion. It will be held September 10 - 12, 2008 at the Kelowna Curling Club in beautiful Kelowna, BC on the shore of the fabled Okanagan Lake. For early birds there is an early registration the evening of September 9.

The reunion is limited to a 500 person capacity, so ensure you get your registration in early if you don’t want to be one of those on the ‘waiting list‘. The registration fee will be $135/single and $250/double. Do you have FCO/ADTech friends who have not received a copy of this invitation either by snail mail or through the website? Please let them know of the event so they can contact us for a registration form, or just give them a blank photo-copy of your registration form for their submission.

Upon receipt of your registration and cheque, you will be sent a more comprehensive package describing the venue including: activities, entertainment, and scheduling; information on accommodations; transportation, including our host airline (Westjet) and bussing arrangements; and details for draws of many more fabulous prizes, most of which have been designed and created by your fellow FtrCops. Be prepared for a western theme with casual dress including boots and Stetsons the order of the day.

Once you arrive in Kelowna and ‘check-in’ at the Kelowna Curling Club where most of the activities will occur, you will receive an additional package which will include among other goodies, your ID Card, an up-dated Nominal Roll Book, city maps and brochures, and pre-purchased items.

Please make your cheque payable to FCO Reunion 2008.

Our mailing address is:

FCO Reunion,

PO Box 25044,

Mission Park PO,

Kelowna, BC, V1W 3Y7

Our email address is: Our web page should be ready by month’s end and is The host crew looks forward to welcoming you to Kelowna and the Seventh FtrCOp/ADTech Reunion.

Jack Warren

Crew Chief

islandgrovepress said...

Oh how I'd love to make that Air Force reunion in Kelowna, BC!

But, no bread. Is dead.