Thursday, July 12, 2007

It's a MAD, MAD Meme

The lucky world is in no shortage of Information about old Ivan (Usally supplied by old Ivan) as pamphleteer, novelist, columnist, university professor (does Mexico count?), poet, lounge musician, politician--and not-at-all-underrated dumpster diver. I dive dumpsters for furniture and food...The worst thing is sitting on a bus with a bagful of really hummy turnips, the lady next to me saying, "Do you suppose some small animal died and is still somehow in the uphostery?

Such are the demands of greatness. LOL.

There you go, Donnetta, who has just tagged me for "eight random things about you."

It's all here in a nutshell.

...Come to think of it, I was once a nut, a voluntary mental patient--but that would make nine things.
(I must say the place drove me crazy...Everybody there was pretty well doing the same thing, booga-booga).

My friend, Abdulla the Shrink finally said I should go home. "You are making me crazy too."

These memes threaten to drive me into relapse.

And I do fear for the sanity of poor Abdulla the Shrink.
Very nervous guy, actually.
Wouldn't you be if your name was Abdulla in these democratic times?

I think I first started to undermine Dr. Abdulla's sanity with the following story:

A sheik was sleeping in the desert.
During the night, someone stole his cloak.

The next day they caught a suspect who told the tribunal the following story:

"I met the sheik while he was lying supine.
"He had sexual relations with me, then I took his cloak."

The Sheik immediately yelled,
"That is not my cloak!"

Not so often does a shrink meet a reader of Borges.

And Borges, like Keierkegaard, can turn your mind into a real kaleidoscope (or, I suppose, an I-Pod).

So there you go Donetta, who has passed along the meme from James Goodman.

I was supposed to tag eight other people, but this very blog might be enough to screw up at least eight computers.

Love and cuddly hugs,



EA Monroe said...

Hey, what a day. I had my 8 things meme posted, but I got rid of it. Maybe I'll put it up later. I really need to get an "Anonymous" blog. ~Liz said...


This is the price of greatness. :)


EA Monroe said...

Okay. I reposted my meme!! I've already posted about my most Humiliating and Embarrassing moments before. Hahahah.

JR's Thumbprints said...

Hey Ivan,
I'll see you at the bottom once I'm done climbing the hill.

Josie said...

Ivan, the pictures on your posts always crack me up.

Josie said...

Waycool, JR.

Ivan said...


Your meme respponse has turned out to be a little masterpiece.

Ivan said...


Shocking, wot?


Donnetta Lee said...

Good sport, Ivan! I think this will be my one and only meme experience!

HeiressChild said...

gee, i must be the only one who loves doing the memes. said...


They'e sort of labour-intensive, aren't they?

Ivan said...


I'm glad you like them.

I find them too much like journalism--which is chores.

I think I will be joining Donnetta.

I think the first meme was probably started shortly after the assassination of old Abe Lincoln.

He might have begun, "Besides that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?"

Ivan said...

p.s. to heiresschild,

I do notice that taking part in memes does perk up ones sitemeter.
Mine just twigged like a divining rod. :)


Donnetta Lee said...

Yes, Ivan, I have learned that they are time intensive.
Donnetta said...

I quote an old Irish police desk sergeant,
"These things are sent to try us."

...Come to think of it, I believe his name was Dorkas...But that's Greek. Oh well.


EA Monroe said...

Yeah, and darn it all! I actually had to "think!" said...

Yes, Liz, that is so good!

I went through twenty years of career without really thinking...Just plain energy and alcohol-fuelled imagination.

Then one day, I had to think.
Like teaching algebra to kids.


My entire left brain had been missing those twenty years.

I had built a career in writing-- on pure energy and bullshit.

Then suddenly, I was among the teachers, the real profs.
"We know your limitations," they seemed to hum in unison.
"Me? I thought I was a genius."

"Uh, perhaps a savant," said one.

Uh, I think you took psych 10l, Liz.

There is a section there on Idiot Savant. :)

Ah well.
Lke they used to say in the Air Force, "Bullshit makes the grass grow green."


Sienna said...

This is hilarious, you are the funniest man to ever pick up a pen! (or tap know what I mean)

Turning the task into masterpiece, exactly, I laughed so much when I read it and am still laughing now

If you tell me it's written in all seriousness I will die!

Pam said...


I so needed that. Thank you!

I have had an interesting Friday 13th.


EA Monroe said...

How interesting has your Friday the 13th been, Ivan?

And, I was wondering. How come no one ever tags JR?!?!? He should be memed.

http;// said...

Certain middle-eastern sounding gentleman called me.
"White hog, your credit's gone kaput."--I embellish a little...actually going a bit over the boundary. :)

More Friday 13 woes:

Got some Rez tobacco.
Like smoking kayopectate. Gave me the runs, actually, instead of the other way arund.
Ditto on cheap Stroh's beer.
My body has become an oldfashioned cess pit.
...But then when I have the big bucks I drink rye and totally destroy my stomach lining anyway.

...Just read some Canadian literature, and that depressed me even further.
But Margaret Laurence, I can really enjoy. Too bad the genius lady had to off herself.
I am again and again impressed by prairie women who can look out the window at the flat horizon and see a speck way out there. I think prairie Indians have the same capacity.
I have been to Manitoba, where Margaret Laurence was born. Had the stragest sense of being at home.
Maybe it's because I was a Ukie and they would not let me buy my own beer there...the waiter tipped
Manitoba is a "Ukrainian" province, though Margaret Laurence was Scottish, pretty well through and through. I never met the lady, but it was nice to go through where she used to live.
Sure was nice to drink in the swell pubs of Lac du Bonnet, out on the prairie. Play piano and guitar later.
Ah well.
Thank god it's Friday, though somehow a worrisome one.

Ivan said...


Yes, JR should be memmed.

And William should be Hung!

Actually, JR's accounts are actually sort of memes in themselves.

There might be a writer in there.


Sienna said...

Ivan, just in case you walk out your front door and see elephants; they may be *Susie* *Minnie* and *Bunny* ...escaped from Garden's circus over there ....they are heading north on Crossland footage shows people scurrying, big elephants and big manure...keep a lookout, apparently all you have to do is call their names and they will come to you.

Pam said...

Thanks again, Pam.

Here with all this beer, and seeing elephants galumpping about, I was at least glad they were not pink.
"Susie", "Minnie" and "Bunny", coming up on Crossland Gate, high-end Newmarket subdivision, munching on Manitoba maple and elderberry branches along the four -lane road.

Heaven forbid they should have started hitchhiking. I can just see
"Minnie squatting down on the road with her righr front foot out, hailing trucks.
I guess the munching on fresh vegetation resulted in a call of nature for a couple of the paunchy pachyderms and they left a nice load on a lady's lawn. She called 911 and the dispatcher wouldn't believe her. "Yeah. Sure. Elephants in your back yard...You been drinkin'?
But yes, there were indeed elephants in the back yard and one on the front lawn. Police were finally dispatched, along with Susy, Minnie and Bunny's keepers.
Everything ended well and the three gambolling non-tuskers are happily back in their open-air pen.

It certainly made for a good news story and no animals were hurt in the making of it. :)

I guess the story got as far as Australia!
Who knew my weekend would begin with a safari.
But Susie, Minnie and Bunny are such sweethearts. They were certainly on local TV.

Ivan said...

Another news story:

Curtis Rush
Staff Reporter

Police, government and beer company officials have a mystery on their hands.

Why would anybody taint at least six Stella Artois beer bottles with ethanol, leaving patrons of various restaurants and bars from Kamloops to the Greater Toronto Area vomiting and spitting out the tampered product?

Ethanol, or concentrated alcohol, is used in antifreeze and as an additive in gasoline. It is also used in laboratories and for compounding purposes by pharmacies and in manufacturing processes.

To carry out the tampering, the culprit would have had to steam off neck labels from other Stella Artois beer bottles, and place them over the neck of the tainted bottles to disguise them as genuine unopened beer bottles.

Six different restaurants and bars were affected. The first incident occurred in Kamloops in January 2006, according to the Canadian Food Inspection agency.

The five others have occurred in Toronto. All but two incidents occurred in 2006. The last two were reported on June 25 in Toronto and earlier this week in York Region.

The product was tested and found to contain from 65 per cent to 90 per cent pure alcohol or ethanol.

Someone has placed ethanol into 330-millilitre Stella Artois beer bottles bearing the best-before dates of 11-2005 and 12-2005 and production codes of L32343T and L35243G.

Those codes have expired and should no longer be in the marketplace. Cans and draft beer are not affected.

Toronto police and York Region police are investigating.

Neil Sweeney, vice-president of corporate affairs for Labatt Breweries, which imports the beer from Europe, said "we are very disturbed by this."

He said that Labatt was aware of the first tampering in January 2006, but thought it was a "one-off," and didn't react. He said it only recently became evident that the police would have to be called in.

And here I thought I was having bad effects from the cheap Stroh's beer that I'd been drinking.
For once, I made the right choice


benjibopper said...

ack, i was hit with that one
i like how you handled it,
i'll get to it one day
and probably not tag others,
either. said...

I'm hip to it, Benjibopper.


James Goodman said...

Oh, man this was hilarous. Nicely done, Ivan. :D

Ivan Prokopchuk said...

Thank you James.

I uh, enjoyed it. :)