Wednesday, July 11, 2007

The Madding crowd

Some web gal on JR's blog says that she would like to see me in shorts to see if my legs are like JR's.
They are.
Not only does JR look exactly like a young version of yours truly--we even share the same body type. .. Uh, Cossack, athletic, though I'm the one with the pot!

Unfortunately, through a series of house moves (never my idea!) I have lost all pictures of me in shorts.

There is, however, a cartoon of me in shorts while I ran for the office of Mayor of Newmarket.
...Uh, nobody took me seriously that time either :)

But there is the subject of memes. I hate them. They always remind me of my clerical incompetence.

But because I like Lone Grey Squirrel who has passed a meme onto me, I will do my duty.

Five things I wish to do before I die.
1. Breathe .
2. Breathe
3. One last good roll in the hay.
4 Breathe
5. Is there oral sex after death?
Five things I Can Do.

1. Anything but algebra
2. Anything but teach agebra
3. Anything but do algebra
4...I can fly and land an antique Aeronca Champion airplane.
5. Anything but eat beans. (DO NOT EAT BEANS! warns Pythagoras.
Five things I Can't Do.
1. I can not tie elaborate knots
2. Hell, I can't even tie shoelaces
3. ..I Keep breaking fingers trying to catch line drives
4. Can't play shortstop; can't catch.
5.... I have an even harder time thinking of algebra while perched atop somebody.

Five Five things that attract me to the opposite sex.
1. Women who look like Natalie Wood.
2. Women who look like Sigourney Weaver
3. Really smart women. No, not just like Miss B :)
4. Empathic women
5. Well read chicks who can also play the piano (Missing someone, I guess).

Five celebrity crushes.

1. Christopher Walken (Yeah, I know. He's a guy).
2. Steve Martin (ditto)
3. Dan Ackroyd
4 Humphrey Bogart
5. Ingrid Bergman

(The last two are dead...Necrophiliac looking for dead ones? :)

Well, that's my due to de debbil.

Now I've got to go out and find a job!

Living on plastic for so long I feel like a l940's superhero.


Josie said...

I sense a theme here. said...


I once had a lady friend tell me,
"You are smarter than most women...but not all women." :)

Ivan said...

Oh crap.

Am I ever going to get a bunch of women after me now!


Josie said...

But.... but.... isn't that what you want? A bunch of women after you? Heh, heh. said...

That's funny!


Hee hee hee hee hee hee!


benjibopper said...

all mayoral candidates should have to wear shorts. may he best legs win!

i thought you did well to make the meme un-meme-like while still fulfilling your memetic duty.

benjibopper said...

sorry, i meant THE best legs.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Dear Prof. Ivan,
Me thinks you to be of the same cloth as Spike Milligan. I say so because of the happily irreverent way you handled the meme. It is impossible to get you to answer it straight, I think. Under things you can do, you talk about things you can't. Under things that attract you in the opposite sex, you talk about celebrity women you like and when talking about celebrity crushes, you name all men. There's a logic to all this. A certain lunatic logic but logic all the same. Enjoyed it. Thanks for playing. MAy the bunch of women after you, catch you! LoL said...

Thanks Benjibopper.

We try, O Lord how we try. :)

Ivan said...

Dear Dr. LGS,

Omigod. We are a pair o' docs!

I have long held that Spike Milligan is the granddaddy of
Monty Python's Flyinc Circus, SNL
and, to some extent, The Royal Canadian Air Farce--all of those being top rate shows (At least the Farce).
To spoof ordinary day-to-day situations and make comedy of it is something I get a huge kick out of.
Glad I played--and thank you.


leslie said...

I sorta fit all your requisites for the opposite sex except for playing the piano (but I could learn!) ;D Oh, yeah I'm not as tall as Sigourney but taller than Natalie. said...

Hi Leslie,

Sigurney is even taller than I am
(which isn't very).
I believe she is at least six feet, but she can tower over me any time. :)

So flattered that you have anwered my "ad" (Hee).


Josie said...

Ivan, do you have DVD player? You should rent "Snow Cake" with Sigourney Weaver, Alan Rickman and Carrie-Moss. It is easily one of the best movies I have ever seen. And, it takes place in Canada. Sigourney should have won an Oscar for her performance.

EA Monroe said...

Humm... you have a problem with algebra? You aren't alone! I can play the piano. Not so sure about the well read though!

A delightful meme, Ivan. There's also an 8 Things About Me meme going around!!! That darn James Goodman tagged me.

Donnetta Lee said...

Well, I tagged you, too, because James Goodman just tagged me!! Please run over to my blog and read. Do whatever the h**l you want to with it!
Donnetta said...


I'll have to check into Snow Cake.

I did meet one at an Italian party once. She wanted to use me as a sounding board as most snow cakes will. "Snowboard," " she said.
"My mother tried it. She said I'd like it. I did."
Seriously, I will try to look up the DVD.

Ivan said...


Old Simon and Garfunkel LP's might be enough.

“And you read your Emily Dickinson/and I my Robert Frost”...

Oh, our conversations would not dangle! You would play the piano and I would fake it on a fiddle.

I would surprise you at the Piano...Old Paganini!

I think Josie would remember the painting of a scene like this. :)

Got tagged by James Goodman, huh?

Well, he's sort of a neat guy, a regular on Miss B's blog, and increasingly on Donneta's.
Play along?

Ivan said...


I hope you meant Liz when you say "I tagged you too."

Ay, ay, ay.


Donnetta Lee said...

Sorry. James tagged Liz and me both! I tagged you 'fore Liz had a chance. Oh, my.
Donnetta said...

In the words of Woodstock,


JR's Thumbprints said...

What's the distance between the following ordered pairs: (2,1) & (3,-5)? said...


See answer in JR's comment on next blog.


Annie Wicking and Loman Austen said...

You're a funny Guy...

Best wishes

Annie said...

Annie Wicking and Loman Austen.


All the way from the UK!

I read Grumpy Old Bookman from over there.

I'm so glad you guys didn't review his novel. :)

Jokingly, I think I told him he should be arrrested for imitating a novelist. :-)



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