Monday, September 03, 2007

Blogging the Unbloggable

My intention had been to compose a blog, but it seems I can't get there from here.

Moon still banging rather powerfully at my front door; fingernail-on-the blackboard feeling.
Out of tune. Out of kilter.

I once wrote a novel about it, about a man who was just this "big raw nerve", aware, I suppose, like an existentialist, of the absurdity of society and the madness of the self. His life was a series of nervous jumps from one disaster to another.

Like promoting a person with a room temperature IQ to office manager, I suppose.
I know you've met them.

I keep meeting people who actually want to have issues, to be dysfunctional, to be like Chekhov characters.
It takes a long time to realize they are actually out of their depth , and it is no wonder that they have issues.

At least that's what they told me last time I was in "rehab". "You're here because you're stupid. There's nothing wrong with you that $200, 000 couldn't cure."

"But that's the whole point. I'm in here because I lost the $200,000. Talk about separation anxiety!"

Ah well. A vacation on the Ontario Hospital plan.

Something like $300 a day to keep the old lunatic.

My brain, "the creature", What is its form, what is it's dimension? Is it moving, or is it standing still? Is it aware, lit up, percolating? Or is it lust there lying beside me, insipid, stupid.

I am hardly Ezra Pound, but the great poet did spend years and years at St. Elizabeth's hospital, sort of Pounding-off.
Produced some ot the 20th century's best poetry that way.

Turned T.S. Eliot's "The Wasteland" from an inchaoate pretentious piece of crap into one of the best poems of the century.

Ezra Pound, crazy man, come over here and doctor my work . ( And I'll bring Benji with me? Heh. He says he's looking for the key to litarature, at least in characterization).

I finally meet an intelligent psychiatrist. "You don't need me, you need a fairy godmother."

I relate this to my friend.

He phones me the next day, "Ivan, this is your fairly godfather."

"F*ck off," I explain to him.

Of such stuff come blogs...I suppose.

They told Fitzgerald: If you're blocked, write about the block.

I'm actually still waiting for that return from one H & R Block.

I think they only lost 27 million on the stock exchange.
H & R Block?

Man, that's a separation anxiety!

Me, I was just short a load.



Josie said...

Ivan, you're too funny. Whenever I need cheering up, I just pop over here.

I think I got it all wrong. Someone should write a book about you.

Are there any budding Steinbecks out there? You have a character here. Make a book out of him. His character is a gold mine. said...



EA Monroe said...

I'm off to buy some crack. ~Liz

Josie said...

Liz, you crack me up.

LOL. said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. said...

Now we come to Confucious jokes, but I really don't want to go there.


Sienna said...

There you go, blogging the unbloggable and it's a hoot...hoot moon maybe.

Totally agree Josie, book, movie and tv series...if only I had of landed here a few months earlier, the kids would have done Ivan as their project, their book hit local sales, news and will be on national tv....which is great, love and support what they have achieved, but it's fine dining....we could have had fine (Ivan) writing!

So close, so, so close. It would have been perfect. Anyway, got some great ideas and contacts.. re more book publishers and agencies..


the walking man said...

Plumbers crack is free so if Ivan gets unblocked you can go to his house and get some free crack Liz.

Now I know why I like Ezra Pound, he pounded the fop T.S. (oh I so adore frickin cats) Eliot.

Only $300 a day, can we get a group rate if all of us go to that toonie bin?


mark said...

Pam, the lady with the wand.
And it almost happened!
But luck is a woman.
Never unerestimate...


p.s. I stole your moon picture, the one you had on your web.

I said...


Oh yeah. Let's all go.

(They're all doing the same thing over there). :)
We can watch cuckoos fly!

Pound may have been crazy, but he wasn't stupid. You lose all the nuts off one wheel,you take a nut each from the remaining three wheels.
Not to disparage native peoples, but the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the other two...
Ah what the hell. I think the Mayas did invent the wheel, but they couldn't find any Japanese folk to sell it to.


Anonymous said...

Wassup ivan
Did you know.. 88% of ladies want a man that is big, they say its more fulfilling

Braun Dallaire said...

Braun Dallaire?

Sounds more like Browne and Sharpe.

What say you Mark, former machinist(I think).


TomCat said...

One question... If it was unblogable, how did you manage to blog it? :-)

the walking man said...

Personally i think it's what maria Muldauer said about "it's not the meat it's the motion."

But I was already wed the second time when I first benched fifty pounds more than my body weight and I didn't find anybody (female) hitting on me. But then seeing as how I had this face and that greasy body from working on cars and never could get my hands totally clean nobody but a wife would let me touch her.

Maybe I needed that extendomax stuff? but then there is no difference in reality between 2.5 and 3 inches is there?

ha ha ha ha


mark said...


Had to keep a lid on the id.

Ivan said...


Well, I used to tell the Winnipeg ladies,"I'm not deep, but I'm fancy."

JR's Thumbprints said...

Can you also post a picture of the unbloggable for us? How about a hot tub photo? Hubba hubba hubba ... said...

Saucy fellow! :)

Josie said...

Ivan, the hot tub photos JR is talking about can be found here Geewits Blog.

Geewits has cheesecake on her blog.

Heh. said...


Hey, most cool...Or should I say hot.

Geewits looks most comfortable.

I did steal JR's hot tub photo some time ago...Oh what the hell, let's have a party!

Ivan said...

Hey JR,

You got your hot tub photo.

This time it's not you, it's someone better looking. (At leat to me).


Josie said...

Okay, I just had a few minutes to read right through these comments, and I'm laughing so hard my mascara's running.

Ivan, if you can't make a book out of this stuff. no one can!!!


Ha! said...


I especially like Liz's comment after all my tomfoolery,

"I'm off to by some crack."



Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

Alright, who is in the hot tub and did not invite me? said...

You're invited, but the host is plastered on the wine, and can hardly talk.

Sienna said...


This kinda makes me wonder what a hot tub spa with George Bush, John Howard, Hu Jintao, Condoleezza Rice, and Vladimir Putin would be like at this very Sydney, overlooking the Harbor..

Maybe all world business should be done in hottubs, the bath of made in the bubbles...something to consider.

Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

Well, be a bit a plastered Ivan, but scoot over and let me in! said...

Yep. The're there all right.
And not a bad idea, Pam.

I mean, civilization started after the last ice age when everybody ended up in that Mesopotamian hot tub.

But what a tub they've made of Mesopotamia now.

Says Joh Stewart, "Mess 'o Potamia."

Ivan said...


Well, I'm no painter.
It ain't gonna be still life with nude. :)


Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...


Ha! I expect nothing less.


raybanoutlet001 said...

adidas nmd
cheap uggs
ray ban uk,cheap ray ban sunglasses
cheap oakleys
tiffany and co
michael kors outlet online
nike roshe run
adidas neo
kobe bryant shoes
adidas yeezy boost
adidas yeezy uk
skechers shoes
adidas tubular UK
christian louboutin outlet
cheap jordan shoes
kobe shoes
links of london
air jordan shoes
nike kobe sneakers
retro jordans
adidas superstar UK
chrome hearts online
nike air zoom pegasus 32
louis vuitton handbags
true religion jeans
hogan outlet
tiffany and co jewelry

chenmeinv0 said...

cheap uggs
cheap jerseys
ugg boots
bengals jerseys
nike roshe run shoes
coach factory outlet
cheap nhl jerseys
louis vuitton handbags
toms shoes
adidas outlet

LCc 03 said...

adidas nmd runner
vera bradley outlet
huarache shoes
michael kors handbags clearamce
nike zoom kobe
skechers shoes for women
cheap air jordan
nike huarache sale
tiffany online
adidas nmd

Unknown said...

saints jerseys stationery
nike air force 1 of
los angeles clippers jerseys the
cheap oakley sunglasses have
cheap nba jerseys the
nike trainers it
fitflops shoes stuffed
michael kors handbags wholesale obvious
skechers shoes cute!
omega watches weekly

chenmeinv0 said...

toms shoes
louis vuitton outlet
oakley sunglasses
chaussures louboutin
steelers jerseys
chicago bulls jerseys
louis vuitton paris
jordan 4
burberry handbags
new england patriots jerseys