Friday, January 18, 2008

Film, I say--not Flim-Flam

Between microsoft spamming me every time I click onto on of its stories on my home page, to Google with its brainfarts whenever I try to post a picture on my blog--this Windows way wants to make me break Windows.

I want a Mac!

But who can afford one.

So, unable to put up pictures, I am forced to just blog...And even here, I'm no sure if anything will go through.

Today's blog will deal with the trickster god that is forever in the background of our serious writing.

We mean to get our chapters right, we mean to be serious, committed writers.

But the trickster god of writing seems to always distract us.

Put us off on a Harlequin.

My intention today was to write about the need to stop uh, "jacking-off" in our writing, to write with a purpose, to write with the intention of selling.

But no. The Trickster god comes up. He wants me to write about Mexico and the travels there.

"Write about the time the sand fleas almost kicked you out of your bed. The night they almost kicked you to death.

Or write about the apothecary-philosopher, Dr. Olsina, who says the Aztecs were more up-front with their human sacrifice than we are over here with our soldiers.

And yet the manuscript sits moldering in its drawer.

So easy to blog.
So hard to market.

I had lunch yesterday with an editor. It did not go well.
The pub was noisy, and though the food was good, there was a certain seediness to the place neither of us were comfortable with.
And then I had to go off on conspiracy web sites, some of whose assertions made even my seasoned editor blanch. "You mean they were responsible for the 911 bombing. Preposterous."
I had only been echoing he assertions of a site called Killtown, and it has some way-out contributors

"You are losing your marbles, Ivan," the editor was saying. "You are too frustrated over the commercial non-success of your novels. You gotta do a switcheroo. Switch mediums. Go into television, film."

Well folks, I am going into television and film.
Can't hurt.
I mean, I have exhausted this novel thing.

Successful people finish things.

I hope I can finish his film I'm working on.

I am tired of Google wrecking all my blogs.

Do the demolition job myself, I think

Film, I say.

Not flim-flam. :)


Monique said...

Ha-ha ... Good luck. Maybe it's easier where you are.

I am in a anthology entitled 'A Woman's Guide To Saving The World', hardback, published by Book Guild Publishing, edited by Karen Eberhardt Shelton. Available on Amazon now and out in March on International Women's Day.

Middle Ditch was born in that book, written by, I think 72 women and amongst those are Anita Roddick, Jillie Cooper, Rosie Boycott, Margaret Drabble and me.

How about that. There is still some justice in the world.

Keep going.

ivan said...


Thanks so much for the chin-up.

...I have read some Margaret Drabble. I haven't read you in that particular anthology.
I would augur however, that you were a better writer than poor Meg.
All the reviews were so glowing abut her biographies.
I myself wasn't all aglow about her writing ablilities--so bird-like.
But what the hell, a sucessful author is a successful author.

Monique said...

Amen to that.

ivan said...


Anonymous said...

[geep] damn that Nortel...

Retirement Planning
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one
>year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
> With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the
>original $1000.00.
> With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00
> If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock
>you would have $49.00 left.
> But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of
>beer/wine one year ago, drank all the beer/wine, then turned in the
>cans/bottles for the aluminium recycling REFUND, you would have had
> Based on the above, the best current investment
>advice is to Drink heavily and recycle.
> Let people you care about know...
> and tell them to Start Now!!!


Anonymous said...


F--- the critics. Your current project reads well as a screenplay, I think. The nature of the scenes, the pace, the unspoken communication between the characters, all strike me as elements that could be most effectively captured by a camera. That's my two cents and that said, gotta tell you I am enjoying reading the installments. Puts me in mind of a serial, like back in the day when people actually read for entertainment and enlightenment, before Survivor and Prison Break and The Price Is Right. My telly sits blank and dark most of the time not because I'm a culture snob, but because I honest to God feel as if my brains are being sucked clean out of my head whenever I sit and stare at it (... have to tell you I awoke in my chair in front of the thing early this morning, having fallen dead asleep while watching the World Series. Must be working and aging and everything else that makes it all but impossible for me to remain conscious past 10 o'clock on weeknights.).
For your daily non sequitor, here's this: I am looking at a picture in today's paper of the Dixie Chicks and wondering: What's hotter than a beautiful brunette who plays killer mandolin?


the walking man said...

Ivan I have lost all respect for you because you were uncomfortable in a seedy bar. Jaysus with a half dollar tip they'll pour you a shot and a half, just order it in a rocks glass.

Speaking of rocks, I think I will continue to jack off with my writing seeing as I have no intention of even getting the gumption up to ejaculate by trying to sell it. Does this make me less of a writer? If so then I guess I better start fucking it rather than jacking it off.

Film, yes move to screen plays, then finding a producer will be just like trying to find a publisher, better to let them steal your work, which they will do anyway because they are even more money grubbing than the publishing industry, that's why I give it away for free if you know how to find my blog.

Personally I write for an audience but I don't find a need to be paid for it because I don't give a good goddamn other than it be heard by what small audience cares to stop by.



ivan said...

Oh how right you are.
Some years ago, I sent my playlet to an evaluator of scripts for the CBC here.
She said, "Wonderful stuff.
"But you need a producer."

Well what in f*ck do you think I sent you my script for? Im fuming to myself.
Damn CBC.
If the story isn't abou a cross dresser or a guy who sends mash notes to his mother while at the same time making it with his sister, then I guess I'm not with it.

My author friend knew how to play the game.
He produced something called Homo Hotpants and made a fortune.
Now he's fat, fashionably gay and living high off the hog--in fact, drives a hog.

Maybe you've got something there-- ones blog as a venue.

The older I get the more I think life may be a do-it-yourself project.
Seems society today is dying for material about all kinds of
I do worry that if I restrict my creative efforts to just my blog, I may turn out to be a "monosexual", sort of like Pee-Wee Herman--tending to just go off by myself. :)
I still think it's "publish or perish."

Charles Gramlich said...

There's surely a lot more money in film and TV. A lot a lot more money. It's a good thing to be independently wealthy. I'm sorry you're not. Nor am I.

ivan said...


A tale out of school for you.

I had been wealthy, but only once did it result in a publishing, and that was in serial form.
When I made my second fortune, I didn't have the brains to pull up in front of a Beverly Hills agency driving a new BMW.
That would have done it.

As it is, I bought an old Dodge and drove it to Little Rock, Arkansas in hopes of getting Mr. Clinton's script writer to send me to the right place.
I was immediately jumped by by insurance-grabbing rednecks in Wheatley, Arkansas who pranged my car "fer to get the insurance."
Happily, the Sheriff was a good guy and I didn't get charged for a wrong left-hand turn: they did.

My god, they lie in wait to hit toursts with their wrecks in Arkansas!
My head still hurts, as you can tell here and there by my blogs. :)

TomCat said...

Good idea, Ivan. You could start with a documentary on GW Bush... or should that be a dorkumentary?

ivan said...


They just did a mini-documentary on Mr. Bush, TVO (Television Ontario), hosted by a Canadian with a dual passport (Also a U. S. citizen).
It seemed to me that this mini-diplomat had his nose so far up Mr.Bush's derierre that if Mr. Bush had stopped suddenly, he'd break the young diplomat's nose.

On the positive side, good things were said about Mr. Wilkins, the ambassador to Canada.
I dig Wilkins; apparently he is loved at home, down South and he is fondly thought of over here...Good servant of a bad master?

Donnetta Lee said...

Wow! Film. Way beyond me-at least in this life. Maybe I'll aspire to it in the next. I plan to be beautiful and independently wealthy in the next life. I might as well plan to write for films, too!

ivan said...

Well, you are already beautiful.

Never mind Jenny Craig.

The illness took pounds off you and made you good-looking. Hey.

ea monroe said...

Ivan, you should take up writin' SNL scripts.
;-) Liz

ivan said...


People have said that.

Heaven forbid I should just be a frustrated gag writer.

"A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into this bar..." :)

eric1313 said...

Would love to write a movie, except for the fact that I don't know the first thing about script writing.

I am good with the snappy dialog, however. No end of interesting subjects to talk about...

Wanted to take a few screen writing courses at Wayne State, but the future is looking bleak around here. I think I'll keep on with the itinerate blog writing for the now.

Anyway, I must have missed the harlequin posts. Your writing here should be printed up and edited into the next great gasp of fragmented desperation to see the light. Well-honed hokey pokey. I think the world is ready for Ivan in the raw. What did you call it? Naked Comes the Ukranian?

The trickster god is my friend until the day that he/she becomes my enemy... I wouldn't want to find myself bound to that alter.

On that subject, who was the god in that situation--the stone fetish with the grinning eagle snout, or the guy with the jaguar skin and obsidian knife? He must have known to keep at his work, lest he might one day find himself tied to the dias as an offering to "smoking mirror", devourer of hearts.

Keep writing, Ivan.

Maybe one day we'll start a new blog to post some real madness that the world will shudder to know.

eric1313 said...

Just remember that we are all tied to the alter of our creative whims. Feast or famine, we know not what we do but we keep on typing pages anyway...

Glad to catch up with you again.

ivan said...

Yeah, the god that controls the situation.
Thinking of that line out of Allen Ginsberg, "His ear was a smoking tomb."
Ramses II, king of propaganda influencing Geobbels out of his smoky pyramid, out of his glass case. The eagle-headed gods.
And yet the crabwise motion of God's spies, the great writers.

ivan said...

I was brought in contact this week with a really good writer...Alien intelligence to me.
I am a wordsmith; this guy was way beyond my "digital"-- Analogue with a quantum boost.
Working writer.
I felt like a jerkoff.
The Big Boy printed his story today.
Left me in dust.

Pee-Wee Herman and his catcher's mitt. In the dark of the strip club.

You are probably right, Eric.
There is a god controlling this situation.
I am trying to learn the Holy Bible, but by way of Fender. Doing riffs.
Cracking my spine.

ivan said...


Welcome back.

Lana Gramlich said...

Good luck, hon. Don't let the naysayers get you down. Hang in there.

ivan said...

Thanks, Lana.

Heh. I am thinking of the note an errant son sent to his mother in Newfoundland:

"Dear Mom,
It's a bastard!"

Mom replies:

"So are you."


TomCat said...

Perhaps, Ivan. I hear Oliver Stone is coming out with a Bush movie. said...


I saw the trailer.



ivan said...


guess it's the British genre.

Makes me think of Coronation Street,which is no small production and on the air here on CBC for the last generation or so.
You are certainly well along in your script writin and I am looking at some of your work for pointers.
Definitely airable.