Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Pornography is in the groin of the beholder



My friend Liona Boyd, famous guitarist, writes to me every so often.

We used to kind-of go to school together in Mexico, she At Belles Artes, and myself at the Insitituto Allende.
She studied music and I studied novel writing and Spanish culture.

She went on to fame, many world-class concerts (and Pierre Elliott Trudeu as a sometime boyfriend) and I went on to comfortable, self-abusive obscurity.

"Are you still writing about masturbation?" she asked with a giggle.

My blog that week had in fact been about one Mr. Portnoy and his complaints.

"Not just writing," I giggle back.

Sweet Liona.
Did I attain computer literacy just to hit the porn sites?

Liona, you were always more surefooted that I.
You studied Villa-Lobos and Ponce and I went on to become Ponce de Leon, searching for his fountain of youth, not realizing all the while that the fountain of youth is really one's libido.

I finally got a fellowhip to teach at the Instituto.
"It's not what you are saying, your erudtition, so-called; it's that bulge in your pants and the way you move," an old student confided."It's your body language."
"You mean I'm the Tiffany Boy of academia?"
"Something like that," she had said.

MIgod. All that application, all the bad novels. And I have been the Britney Spears of literature.
Friggin' airhead. Exhibitionist. Bouncy-Bouncy. If I catch you, you'll get a piece of me.

Well, Liona doesn't want a piece of me. Just an old friend emailing and old friend.
But she was onto my literary game thirty years ago.
"Are you still writing about masturbation?"

I had said yes.
No small wonder that Liona has stopped writing to me.

Merv the perv.

I am trying to justify myself. I hit the porn site for research--research you understand!
My intention was to do a newpaper article on porn sites and their effect on people.
Stunts your growth, drives you blind--that sort of thing.

But no.
Carnal sights. Curiosity.
Gorgeous California girls ingesting huge salamis.
I mean, wouldn't you?

Well, I do need glasses now and I never was all that tall.

Ah, but there is a karma, a price for everytyhing.

Viruses and spam. My computer is wrecked!
My brain is wrecked.
I am the old bum in the woodshed with his Hustler magazines.

My son happens to be my IT guy. He fixes my computer whenever I have problems.
"Dad, I see you have a bad virus in your computer.
"Wonder where it could have come from."

I know he knows all too well where that virus had come from.
"Wet Girls"--tha's where the virus had come from, right down to the unwanted new icon of a very wet, though fetching girl.

I have to make amends. I need to go to Father Confessor; need to do my penance.

I must, like Leonard Cohen, transmute all this into art.
I must, in fact read Mr. Cohen' much underrated novels--he was one of the best.

So I open a page.

It was a scene of separation, loss. A man and his woman were breaking up.

I read the dialogue.

"She watched me masturbate for the last time."

Oh Liona. At least I have something in common with Leonard Cohen.

I will write about masturbation.

So what else is new?

##

24 comments:

Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

Ivan,

I do not care what anyone else says. Perhaps that is what is different between me and everyone else. I think the way you write, how blunt you are, has an audience. Perhaps the porn audience, I am not sure. But sometimes it is sad, comical, intriguing, and sometimes down right rude. But, there are people that love it. I am one of them.

Do you think me strange because of it? Or horrid because I like the "eat it or starve" kind of writing that you do? I may not be a great writer. Some may even hate my work. But I know what I like.

It is bold and well, write it anyway. The audience will find you. Who gives two cents what the man down the street or on the corner thinks.

T

ivan said...

Actually, Tara, you do write wonderful poetry on your own blog and your commentators (along with me) appreciate it.

ivan said...

p.s.:

I am off to see my banker.
Oh what a tale of woe that will be. :)

Lana Gramlich said...

*LOL* I was the IT person for a bunch of friends in Canada, too. My one friend was having problems & turned about 80 shades of red when I opened his cookie file & found a virtual bulk cookie bag full of porn.

ivan said...

Aw we men.

And then we get caught at it. LOL.

Donnetta Lee said...

You hit the porn site for research? Uh huh. Sounds reasonable to me.
One man's research is another man's--well, porn. You suppose?
Donnetta

Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

Ivan,

How did the banking go Ivan? Dinner is calling....smiles.

T

ivan said...

One man's pizen is another man's meat?

ivan said...

Tara,

The banking was horrible, but dinner sounds good.

Josie said...

Ivan, you are the most transparent person I know. You just let it all...

....well, hang out.

So to speak.

So, now we have two Canadian icons, Fiona Boyd and Leonard Cohen talking about masturbation. And it's all on Ivan's blog.

Sex degrees of separation?

Heh

ivan said...

Josie,

Heh heh.

And the hell of it is, that for once, in this blog, it's all true!
And you hit the nail on the head.

Sienna said...

...and you write about everything so well Ivan...gotchya something:

"Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex."

~Karl Marx

Wonder whatever happened to Karl.

Ivan, sex on the computer can't hurt you, unless you fall off.

:)

Pam

Charles Gramlich said...

I have never looked at porn. I've examined some erotic art at times. And what matters it that my definition of erotic art is rather...broad.

ivan said...

Pam,
Oh I like that Karl Marx quote.

But students of philosophy, like Kar Marx sometimes come to an ass' bridge, that is to say, they think they know more than the ancients.
I don't think Karl did. If he'd read Plato's Republic little more carefully, he wouldn't have gone off on his lead baloon projects.
All Marxism, when applied, seems to lead to "lead ballon" projects.
Platonism worked for the republic of Paraguay, but Marxism was a disaster for Russia.

..and I think I've just fallen off my chair. :)

ivan said...

Charles.

It is also my firm contention that erotic art is broad.

Of course there was my friend, the late George Henderson, from Toronto, who wrote something titled "Homo Hotpants".

Ah well. To each his own.

Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

Morning Ivan,

I have been told that this picture is more suitable, not so "out there". So I wish you a good morning with my morning face and smile.

T

ivan said...

"Inside":

Va-va-va-Voom!

Both pictures, but I see your point.

Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

It is quiet today. How are you Ivan?

T

ivan said...

Quite in the lap of the gods.

Russell said...

You certainly have interesting comments and perspectives on life. I will say you are uninhibited and that is good.

Of course, I believe it is best to have a sense of balance about things. Life is full of so many opportunities and ways to express talents, thoughts and artistic skills, I opt for those persons who choose to do so in a non pornographic way.

I am not a prude or some sort of fanatic, at least in my own mind. I do not go to church but I am spiritual, but not excessively.

I have always believed that pornography is demeaning to women and to the men who choose to enjoy it.

Granted, the issue becomes at what point does erotic expression become pornographic, the thought being that erotic artistic expression is socially acceptable and pornography is not. It is a matter of perspective.

I realize your writing is sarcastic in nature - at least I believe it is - and I find it interesting to a point. But on balance I don't find pornography attractive nor something I can respect.

But the beauty of our society is that we can think what we wish, write what we want and express our thoughts without fear of censorship. That is truly a sign of the extent our society has evolved and that is good.

Keep writing and sharing your point of view with us!

Take care and, well, what the heck, do what you like. It is your world, after all, and you are the only person who should decide what you want to do while you are in it.

ivan said...

Thanks, Russell,

Hope that bad cold you've got will break soon.

benjibopper said...

William Burroughs was good at that too. But the all time best was Diane di Prima. Correction: is Diane di Prima. Maybe you should writer her.

ivan said...

It's been a long time since I was a teacher (you might etimate why).

But I like to think I'm more for style than content.

Content just seems to happen.
Oh boy, does it happen! :)

ivan said...

p.s. to Russell,

My intetion tonight was to write a serious blog.
As I look over what I've just put up--it's prurience again.

Prurience is a big word like marmalade. Kids love marmalade.