Saturday, February 02, 2008

Here's one hip groundhog who's not coming up this year




Peerless Percy, the subdivision groundhog, will not emerge from his hole today.

"F*ck this," he offered, by way of explanation.

"I keep coming up at the wrong places, the Wal-Mart parking lot full of early morning drug dealers, the soccer field with its frozen soccer moms in the snow, the hockey arena which collapsed right on top of me because of all-weather termites, the park, where I got duck shIt on my shades.
"I've had it, I'll tell ya.
"Never mind Wiarton Willie and Punxsutawney Phil, those exurbanites. They still got space to come up in.
"Fourteen- and -a -half square miles of Newmarket, Ontario and every square inch is developed.
"Crap, if it weren't for Grounhog Welfare where the truckers leave me some grain and nuts just behind the Dominion store, I'd hardly have munchies after my weed.
"Okay, okay, I'm a Sixties throwback. They do, in fact throw me back when I have a pee in between the SUV's.
"I'm going to stay in my den."
And with that, he ambled off.

There will be no weather prognosticating In Newmarket this year.
Which is just as well.
Last year, they almost shot the poor son-of-a-Marmot.
Coldest, longest spring for some time.

"And f*ck you," Percy added before crawling into his den.

21 comments:

Lana Gramlich said...

I haven't even seen winter yet, way down here in the deep South. Ahhhhhhhhh. (I'll probably be singing a different tune come August, but for now I'm happy.)

ivan said...

Does get hot in August in the Deep Suth.

ea monroe said...

Hi, Ivan! A ground hog with attitude! We had sunshine. The old son of a marmot would have seen his shadow! ~Liz

ivan said...

Liz,
Oh oh.
Eight more weeks of Winter for Oklahoma?

ea monroe said...

Something tells me Spring is coming anyway! ~Liz

ivan said...

Oyez,oyez.

Wiarton Willie saw his shadow over this way. It means an early spring!

(I do believe they wanted to strangle that poor groundhog last spring, which was very late in coming to Canda).

ivan said...

Whoops!

I got it bass-ackwards.

Wiarton Willie did not see
his shadow, which means an early spring for Canada.

Monique said...

We don't have groundhogs but some sort of old folklore saying usually predicts what we will have next.

I can't remember what it is though.

ivan said...

Monique,

Badgers?

Friend of mine came back from the U.K. some years ago. She said Badgers.
Everywhere!
Gonna come and gethcha.

Charles Gramlich said...

Percy has the right idea.

ivan said...

Perceptive, Charles. Very perceptive.
Dostyevsky's Underground Man?

Doubting Thomas said...

And don't forget about Balzac Billy from Balzac, AB. Imagine listening to rats. Granny said, "What's gonna be, is gonna be."

Been mighty cold here, and we're waiting fer the writ to be dropped. An election in our future. Balzac Billy should go into election augury.

Tom

ivan said...

Tom,

No need to prognosticate.
The Conservatives have had Alberta for like about a million years.
Alberta has more oil than both Kuwait and Iraq.
Mr. Bush is going to give Mr. Stelmach more tongue than he gave that Arabian king.

the walking man said...

My kind of fucking ground hog! Develop me out of my home will ya? Then fuck it, keep guessing!

You know they eat groundhogs don't you?

peace

mark

ivan said...

Mark,

They eat grondhogs?
Poor Peerless Percy.

Alliterated and stewed.

No wonder he's paranoid!

Anonymous said...

February 3rd, 2008

Human Rights Commissions (HRC’s) should be closed down because of their failure to fulfill their mandate.

Most agree that it is preposterous that Ezra Levant and others were interrogated about their views, articles and intentions.

However, we need to examine the various HRC’s deranged actions even further.

It is outrageous that Ezra Levant and others were NOT protected by the HRC against people who do not tolerate free speech.

The HRC had a mandate to protect inalienable human rights, free speech being one of them.

Those who do not like or want free speech should have been asked to fly to Alberta at their own expenses and should have been questioned for daring to limit someone else’s freedom.

We have seen this reversal of the HRC’s mandate also in the cases of Ron Gray (for his political opinions), Stephen Boissoin (for Bible verses published in the Star-Phoenix), Mark Steyn (for excerpts from his book published by MacLean’s) and Chris Kempling (for writing letters to a local editor).

The role of government is to defend its citizens’ fundamental rights. By extension, the mandate of any government agency (if any) is NOT to defend its citizen from other people’s opinions, but to defend people’s life, freedom and property from those who attack them.

Legally, free speech can be prosecuted only when it incites to immediate lawless action. For example, in case a church leader or political leader incited his people to terrorism, murder, rape, kidnapping, destruction of property or theft.

These cases are already handled by existing legislation.

Words, articles and political opinions do not infringe on someone else’s right to life, freedom and property. However, killing, beatings, muzzling, incarceration, court decisions, injunctions and fines do.

We used to hear: “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Even popular wisdom showed the demarcation line between the exercise of one’s freedom and the infringing into someone else’s freedom.

Ron Gray is right: The HRC (if one has to exist) should not be about censorship, but should be about freedom from censorship.

Giuseppe Gori, Leader
Family Coalition Party of Ontario

Appendix:
“Is censorship justified against immorality?”

Some behaviours should be proscribed because they infringe on the basic rights of others: For example, child pornography instigates people to hurt children. Drug addiction or drunk driving may hurt others. Dumping chemicals in a river may be dangerous to the life of others.

You may ask: “how do we stop some immoral materials, such pornographic films, publications and internet sites, without censorship?”

We can speak out against pornography and regulate its traffic by showing the links between pornographic addiction and pedophilia, enslavement of women, rape and other acts of violence.

We can reduce pornography by educating others through articles, statistics and other information, so that people will choose not to watch questionable shows, movies and publications.

We can reduce pornography especially by educating our children in the exercise of personal responsibility.

Government imposed censorship however will not work. Think about the prohibition.

Morality cannot be legislated.

You do not go to heaven because you were not able to do evil, but because you chose to do good.

Doug Bandow, in his preface to Robert Sirico’s book “Toward a Free and Virtuous Society” writes: “…the right to exercise choice, free from coercive state regulation, is a necessary precondition for virtue. …coerced acts of conformity with some moral norm, however good, do not represent virtue; rather the compliance to that moral norm must be voluntary.”

He continues: “…There are times, of course, when coercion is absolutely necessary - most importantly, to protect the rights of others.“




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Please confirm your reservation by calling us or by E-mailing: confirm@FamilyCoalitionParty.com

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ivan said...

Feel for ya, Giuseppe.

Your message was not sent in error.

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