Tuesday, April 22, 2008

"Didn't want to be in this play anyway." Heh


THE FIRE IN BRADFORD.
A TV PLAY
by Ivan Prokopchuk


ACT II


Scene One
............................

EXT. MAIN STREET, WITH LIEF'S TOYOTA SUV IN FRONT OF PARKING METER
CELIA AND LIEF HAVE THE PROFESSOR BETWEEN THEM. HE IS VERY DRUNK. THEY ARE ALL WEAVING TOWARDS THE VEHICLE.

PROFESSOR (WHO IS BABBLING)..................Thou shalt not covet they neighbours wife, nor his goods, nor his ass.



LIEF (GIGGLING AS HE TRIES TO HOLD UP THE PROFESSOR'S RIGHT SHOULDER):

Nor his ass?

PROFESSOR: ..............I know your're a fart smastard, Lief. I know you've read Kant . a Posteriori. .

One of Kant's propositions.


CELIA (WHO HAS THE PROFESSOR's LEFT ARM, BEGINS TO GIGGLE AS WELL):...........................................What did you just say?



PROFESSOR:............. Kant. Immanuel Kant. What did you think I said?...And if your pronounce Goethe like Goth again I'll never speak to you again. Goth indeed. Johnny Rotten. Johnny Rotten.

CELIA:.............................. You're lucky I like the things you say. Even the rude things.
.

CELIA'S HEAD IS NOW ALMOST UNDERNEATH THE PROFESSOR'S ARM. LIEF FUMBLES IN HIS RIGHT-HAND POCKET OR THE KEYS. THEY STEER THE PROFESSOR AROUND THE FRONT OF THE VEHICLE TO THE SIDEWALK. THEY OPEN THE BACK DRIVER'S SIDE DOOR AND DUMP HIM IN HE BACK SEAT. LEAF GETS IN THE FRONT DRIVER'S SIDE AND STARTS THE SUV. THERE IS A PAUSE.

LIEF CRANES HIS HEAD AROUND TOWARDS THE PROF, WHO IS DOING A REALLY BAD JOB OF LIGHTING HIS CIGARETTE. HE KEEPS MISSING THE TIP OF IT ALTOGETHER, AND SINGES HIS HAIR.


PROFESSOR:...........................................Jesus. It's a good thing we didn't buy any ice cream cones.
I would

have brained myself with this kind of aim.


LIEF:...... ..................................................There is an ashtray in front of you. Pull it back.

PROFESSOR::........................................... Fuck you. The world is my ashtray!


LIEF (TO CELIA, ALMOST WHISPERING):.......................This guy's a professor? He's not even middleclass. Listen to him! Boy, you really pick them!

CELIA: .........................................................................He's a brilliant writer.

LIEF:........................................ Well, I don't care if he's a brilliant writer. I'm from the west. I know we laugh at
Newfies here in Ontario, but over in Alberta, we used to call them Ukies. The guy's a boor, a horse's ass!


PROFESSOR:........................ I heard. But I think it's you who's the EQUUS man. Yeah, 'Double Your
Pleasure, double you fun. With Doublemint, Doublemint Doublemint Gum!' You're not at that stage yet, but there
was this young man in EQUUS who sucked the sweat offf horseswhile muttering advertising jingles. But you're
too intelligent for all of that. Yout just want to play kneesies with the prof. Hah. You wanna take the prof
to Bradford, where I hear sex outside the family or small animals is a novel concept. Notice back there that when
I tapped your kee to for emphasis,your moved right into my hand.


THIS BRINGS A LAUGH FROM LIEF. HE TURNS BACK TO THE PROFESSOR..

LIEF:...................................... Fast reflexes.

PROFESSOR: ................................. I don't know what you guys have in mind. Got horses at your
place? Cameras?

LIEF STARTS THE CAR AND THEY ARE OFF TO BRADFORD.




...end ACT II, Scene One

11 comments:

the walking man said...

Much easier on the eye and mind. Strange tale though. I am waiting to see where it takes me in content.

Peace

mark

TomCat said...

Once again, Ivan, you continue to impress.

Charles Gramlich said...

I'm fond of "brain myself with this kind of aim."

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Mark.
So am I :)

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

TomCat,

Coming from you that's impressive in itself.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Charles,

A psychologist with a sense of humour!
My psych prof was kind of slow to get things like that.

Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

Well, its good Ivan.


I will leave the professionals to say more.

T

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

thnx

Donnetta Lee said...

Verrrry interesting. You can do anything!
Donnetta

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Donnetta,

There are days when, to use a Lyndon Johnson phrase, I can't "walk and chew gum at the same time."
But thanks.

p.s.: Dontcha love that Texas turn of phrase?

An old Texas womb-mate came in the other day.
Said "I just wanted to see what you desk looks like.
MAN, you dont do shit!"

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