Monday, April 21, 2008

Moonlighting as a playwritght.

I was going to put what I have down below on to Pam's blog, but it would have been self-serving and somewhat repetitive, as Pam already has my Fire in Bradford novel. She is the Quarks' unofficial agent and is networking between LA and Australia in hopes of getting some of our projects out. It is hard work and we all love Pam for it.

But anyway, I will put in the first section of my Fire in Bradford here in a kind of quasi-play form. Some of you have read it already, but there is no question that the Professor and the Blue Angel makes fairly interesting reading, even today. Ah If Marlene Dietrich would have been around to play my blue angel Celia in the book.

God, I love the idea of the f*cked - up professor.


A really cool English-style pub, replete with oaken bar, general Tudor wood-and-plaster atmosphere, oak tables in front of the bar. There is a dart board behind the tables. But first, there is voice-over. There is a picture of Celia in full Marilyn Monroe mode on the wide screen in the bar.


I was a somewhat raffish professor who enjoyed drinking with his students afte class. I had no objection at all when she asked through another student if she could come over to one of the pub nights, and could she bring her husband.

The professor, slightly grizzled and a dozen students revelling at three tables that had been brought together. Two people, straight out of a Conde Nast fashion publication approach the table. It is Celia and Lief.


Celia appears before you while you are rolling your own cigarettes, the 1920's Vogue face, the bobbed hair, a beautiful flapper not yet fallen into the rye on one September day, though I would know in future September days that she had a hunger for opium and cocaine, and that would make her thoroughly modern, thoroughly like My Lady of the papers.

Hash papers, and hot knives.

I was in fact a newspaperman with a predilection for French authors because they were so maddeningly thorough, that mark of real writers, and so well did I get to know 20th century authors in French that I soon got to teach a nigh course in it. Ah, that French penhant for the absurd, the splayed-out mysticism of an Andre Malraux and that incredible clarity of image and idea that only the French writers possess--and they'd be the first to tell you. The French are somewhat superior and they know it
.Enough that I was a teacher of French authors and she walked in one day with no hint of the Vogue beauty that I would later get to know, no inkling as to the heaviness of spirit that would later come to oppress me, no clue at all as to the beautiful woman who resided in the suburban Mam's bib overalls she used to wear to my classes, the little white tee shirt with the apple on it, or the closely cropped hair of the liberated, funky, suburban young woman.

Ah, but there is another visitation right now, a flashback from the days I'd imagine myself a Goethe scholar, abandoning French altogether for Goethe's beautiful Katschen Sheonkopf.
Lief is handsome as the night is long, like a Eropean Wayne Gettsky, with continental manners, but no accent at all.Celia is in a silk minidress, long sleeves, all a natural silk colour. She has on lavender eye contacts which give her a surreal, elfin look .

Canny Lief (The Lucky?) says nothing as we offer seats to him and Celia. He has a Wayne Gretsky smile.
Celia: This is my husband, Lief.
Lief, still silent and smiling, shakes the prof's hand. There is a meeting of eyes. Lief's appearance is highly attractive. He is a tall man, visibly so, even when sitting down in his Maple Leafs jersey.
There is sudden activity stage right. Tha band has come in.
Lief: Oh. It's going to get busy. I'd better get the drinks for me and Celia before they start playing.
Lief rises.
The prof has a good look at Celia. She is stunning. Hair short and bobbled, cut straight across the back like a Twenties flapper. She has on blue eyeshadow. Yes, the blue eyeshadow. Dead givaway. She is available.
Lief returns with a pint of Toby's beer and a glass of white wine for Celia.
Celia has told me a lot about you. Seems you are really into Flaubert...and even Tolstoy in translation.
Prof: "Yeah, I find myself amazed that hardly anybody in the class, largely women--look at them all--has ever read real novels instead of the Harlequin trash all around them....And how they themselves love to write Harlequin--I have seen the samples. My god, what active imaginations! No wonder they're in a French Novels class. They all seem to think their problems will end, just by leaving old hubber. Madame Bovary,.
Lief masks a wince, by a smile and a nod; Ah well. It's l986.Prof: Kinda makes you think you're in a movie. Everybody's lost her sense of history. This will certainly pass.


Professsor: Think I'm going to ask one of these lovely students to dance. Excuse me for
Lief to Celia, sotto vocce: I've never met a man like him before. So like Inspector Cluseau from, you know, the movie. Shot in the Dark.
Celia: Shut the hell up, Lief.
The professor is back from his dance. He sits down.Lief, a little miffed; excuses himself .Celia and the professor face each other across the hastily-wiped, oaken table.
Celia is beautiful, right down to the fine blue veins on the back of her legs. Swedirsh colouring.
The professor bends across the table and kisses her plain on the lips.

Lief, just opening the washroom door, notices. He sits down. Celia and the prof have locked eyes.
Prof (heated now by the booze) You have a wonderful wife. Do you mind if I ask her to dance?Lief appears totally unruffled. He holds an open-palmed hand out. He is truly sweet as a pimp.
Celia and the prof dance. And dance .Back to the table, and back to the drinks.There is now a smokiness to the pub.The professor is describing great sprawling French novels in the smoky air. He is starting to brag, throw wild promises to the wind, descibing the novel in French he hoped to write one day.
Lief: What do you think of Balzac?
Prof: The Master. The absolute master. The Shakespeare of the novel!
Lief: My favourite. In French or English. I especially like The Fatal Skin. Where the owner of the wild ass' skin can have all the wishes, until the skin shrinks to nothing.
Prof: Yeah, don't I feel that way right now?
The band is playing something uncharacteristic, the piano players lapsing into Debussy.
Prof (looking straight at Celia): Passion flower.
Lief: Passion flower indeed. He avoids sarcasm. The prof asks Celia to dance once more. Celia (in his ams): Lief can't do anything. He just can't do anything any more. I'm worried that he's turning gay. I've told him....He just can't seem to do anything.
Prof (Now half drunk and self-confident with it): Nah. Get him some French pornography.

There is great revelry, dancing and noise in the pub. Three Scotsmen, in full kilt, knock over two beer pitchers and are asked to leave. The professor knocks over his own glass.
Celia: "That's tacky, David." She had called him by his first name. But then Lief too, knocks over an entire pitcher, to loud applause from the others. They are all drunk.
Celia (wiping some foam from Lief''s jersey) I like David. I think we should take him home with us.An indulgent nod from Lief.
------end Act One

from England: Help!



Dr.John said...

An interesting read.

TomCat said...

Ivan, it appears your talent crosses multiple genres. Nice.

Middle Ditch said...

Monique to the rescue!!!

The scene setting is so well done Ivan. You get the feel of that place totally. What you lack is spaces in between the speakers and the actions. I'm squinting as I read and am not always sure when someone talks and when it is an action. Personally, spaces matter a great deal to me.

I know that there is a great difference.

stage play writing:

Ivan and Monique are in the bath.

IVAN...........................Oh ... Shit!!

MONIQUE.................... Calm down Ivan!!

Screenplay writing:


I've lost the plot!!!

Oh Ivan, more!!



IVAN.........I'm going absolutely crazy with all that

.................lust I have for you!!

MONIQUE....Are you mad!! Let's go to bed now! I

...................can't wait to feel you inside me.


I put the dots in to make sure that the words stay in place, so ignore those.

Middle Ditch thirteen is posted said...

Monique: Thanks! I had totally forgotten this stuff from my media writing. classes. said...

Dr. John,

Thanks. said...

Not too much into politics,but,

Ya old Bush whacker!

Anonymous said...

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
> >
> > 'Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?' she asked.
> > 'They're mating,' her father replied.
> >
> > 'What do you call the spider on top?' she asked.
> > 'That's a Daddy Longlegs,' her father answered.
> >
> > 'So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?' the little girl asked.
> >
> > As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied 'No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.'
> >
> > The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat, saying 'Well, we're not having any of that brokeback mountain shit in our garden.'
> >
> > Brings a tear to your eye...doesn't it?

--Submitted by Eric Mercer
(No, not the other famous Newfie) said...

P.s. to Monique:

Donnetta Lee said...

My computer is on fire after reading through these comments. Smoke rising. I could never be a playwright. Whew. I need some ice water.
Donnetta said...

There is smoke rising from my computer every time I try to use word.
I might have to get Liz to figure out what I'm doing wrong.
It's the machine
It's the machine.
Don't know if I'm Charles Ludd or Elmer Fudd.
Yep. Definitely hot stuff in the comments. :)

Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

I am feeling jealous of the comments. Ah well, Ivan your heart belongs to another.

:::Tara fades from the scene:::

T said...

Dancing woman.
Even old Jung was floored.
Randy old Switzer. said...

Egad. What time is it getting to be?
Got to turn off this flamenco music and hit the hay.
With the Cigans?

the walking man said...

Ivan the comments are the best, yours included.

while reading the post I had the thoughts of "needs editing, needs editing. Through out needs editing"

Actually though I have no right to talk because I personally have never considered a script form. Maybe I will have to try my hand at it so I can be counted as comprehending the difficulty of the write, as I comment.


mark said...


Good thinng Monique came to the rescue. I used to have this technical stuff down cold.But forty-five years not using it leaves one a bit rusty.
Besides, I find it easier to just tell a story rather than cuing and timing and white space. That's work. And I'm lazy.
But there's a madness to my method.
I see by my site meter that the person I wanted to read it did.

Ah well. The old Air Force joke about the guy who was so well edowed that he would harpoon the lady and slowly walk toward her.
One of these guys was in the Air Force. Name was Duscharme.
On the parade ground, the sergeant would order, "Right arm
"Left arm." And as three or four guys would step on little Duscharme, the discip would yell,

Charles Gramlich said...

I like the scene setting. It has a bit more richness than is often seen in plays. But I really tend to have a hard time reading plays. I keep looking for more description, scene, action, prose.

Monique said...

It's so much fun reading the comments. said...


It is a gas, isn't it? said...

Charles, if you've got the time you can check on the novel form of THE FIRE IN BRADFORD up on my header.

Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

well after visiting, I understand the attraction a bit better. What is it about age? said...

Age attracts beauty?
Seems just a little out of love's usual way.
I have seen, however, younger men attracted to paraplegic matrons.
I am thinking of a novel by John Braine. "Waiting for Sheila."
Also thinking of a 60's song by, I think the Eurithmics.
"Love is strange."

...Whoops. Check that.
It was the Poppy Family.

Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

I will stand in the way of no love.

T said...


I keep attributing the wrong songs to the wrong arttists. I had said Queen did "I Wanna Make it witchoo", while it was actually Queens of the Stone Age.

Same with saying "Love is Strrange" was by the Poppy Family. It was not.

"Love is Strange is indees by vintage Mickey and Sylvia, to wit,

Love, love is strange
Lot of people take it for a game
Once you get it
You'll never wanna quit (no, no)
After you've had it (yeah, yeah)
You're in an awful fix
Many people
Don't understand (no, no)
They think loving (yeah, yeah)
Is money in the hand
Your sweet loving
Is better than a kiss
When you leave me
Sweet kisses I miss


Yes Mickey?

How do you call your loverboy?

Come 'ere loverboy!!

And if he doesnt answer?

Ohh loverboy!

And if he STILL doesnt answer?

I simply say
Oohh baby
My sweet baby
You're the one

Oohh baby
My sweet baby
You're the one

So my love for another is strange, and totally unrequited, and the older I get the more I wonder what I will do with it.

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