Saturday, April 26, 2008

THE PROFESSOR FALLS SHORT


INT.NIGHT.

THE SAME LIVING ROOM WHERE LEIF AND CELIA LIVE IN HOLLAND LANDING.
CELIA IS SITTING WITH A BOOK ON THE C-CHAPED CHESTERFIELD. SHE HEARS A KNOCK ON THE DOOR.

FX: three knocks

VERY CASUALLY, AS IS HER WAY, SHE PUTS DOWN HE BON-BON SHE HAD BEEN NIBBLING ON, RISES AND GOES TO THE DOOR. CELIA IS BEAUTIFUL. SHE HAS HER BLONDE HAIR UP AS IF SHE WERE A BLACK PERSON, BUT THE HAIR-DO IS FRIZZIER, AND SOMEHOW GIVES HER A HALO OR A CLOUD-- NEAT LITTLE CORN ROWS. SHE IS WEARING VERY TIGHT QUAZI-ARMY SURPLUS DESIGNER TANK DUNGAREES, WITH THIGH POCKETS, WHICH ARE CLINGING TO HER FIGURE AS IF SHE WERE A HARP. SHE IS VERY PETITE. SHE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN THE KNEELING FAIRY IN THE l930's IVORY SOAP ADS, BUT IN l987.
SHE WALKS TO THE DOOR TO ANSWER. SHE OPENS THE DOOR.

IT IS THE PROFESSOR.

CELIA: ......................................Well. I thought you wouldn't come.

PROFESSOR: ...........................Nothing to get excited about. We're here because we're here.

CELIA HAS A GOOD LOOK AT HIM. HE IS SLIGHTLY DISHEVELLED AND LOOKS AS IF HE'D BEEN DRINKING.................................Uh. Lief is gone to Calgary on business. Looks like you've got me all to yourself.
Drink?

PROFESSOR.........................Oh yes! You are ever so lovely, but that Byron stuff about "drink to me only with thy eyes" is so much better with a shot of vodka.

SHE TAKES HIS COAT, AND DUSTS HIM OFF A LITTLE, AS IF SHE WERE STROKING A PET. SHE THEN PLACES THE COAT ON A CHAIR TO STAGE RIGH OF THE CHESTERFIELD.

HE IS STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LIVING ROOM. SHE GOES BACK TO HIM GIVING HIM A GENTLE STROKE AT ARONUND HIS BELT LINE, MOVES TO THE GLASSED LIQUOR CABINET TO STAGE LEFT, TO THE LEFT OF WHICH IS THE OPEN-DOORED KITCHENETTE WITH CEZANNE AND MILLET PRINTS ALONG
THE WALLS.

CELIA: (POINTING TO THE C-SHAPED CHESTERFIELD (SOFA).......................................................Sit down, David. Sit down.

CELIA:..................................................................................Here's your drink. I know you like vodka and tomato juice. (She avoids the term Bloody Mary).


THE PROFESSOR IS A BIT UNCOMFORTABLE. HE RUNS HIS FINGERS THROUGH HIS HAIR. HE TAKES THE DRINK IN HIS LEFT HAND.

CELIA (SITTING BESIDE HIM NOW TO HIS LEFT..................You came over. I didn't really think you would. You know, after what you' said over lunch. Lief and all.

SHE TOUCHES HIS ARM AND GETS UP TO TEND TO SOMETING IN THE KITCHENETTE TO THEIR LEFT.

CELIA.................................................................................You must be hungry.

PROFESSOR:........................................................................Actually, I ate in the pub.

CELIA:(POINTING TO THE GLASSED OVEN INSIDE WHICH EGGS BENDICT ARE THERE IN THEIR TUBS)...

Shall I turn all this down?

PROFESSOR.............................................Yeah. We can wait. Let's have a drink.

THE PROFESSOR CAN HEAR HER POURING HER WHITE WINE, JUST OUT OF THE FRIDGE.

SUDDENLY, A PROPOS OF NOTHING, SHE ALMOST LEAPS UPON THE PROFESSOR, CAUSING HIM TO NEARLY SPILL HIS DRINK. HE PUTS OUT HIS HAND TO STOP THE GLASS GYRATIONS, BUT CELIA IS UPON HIM, NOW PUMPING AND PUMPING AS IF IN A DRY HUMP.
THE PROFESSOR BRINGS HIS BODY OVER HERS, TO REVERSE POSITIONS. HE LOOKS AT HER FACE, WHICH SEEMS MADDENED. HE CRADLES HER HER LOVELY BLONDE HEAD IN HIS RIGHT ARM, HIS LEFT HAND MLOVING TOWARD THE ZIPPER OF HER TIGHT LITTLE DUNGAREES. NO PANTIES. HE IS SOON INSIDE HER.

CELIA (IN A WHISPER).....................................Pretty smooth.

CELIA SEEMS IN A KIND OF TRANCE WHILE HE IS STROKING HER.

THE LOTHARIO WILL NOW HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS TEENAGE LOVEMAKING. BUT HE MAKES A MISTAKE. HE UNHANDS CELIA AND ATTEMPTS TO PULL DOWN HER DUNGAREES. BUT FROM THE CUFF ENDS!
NOTHING WILL COME OFF. HE SUCCEEDS IN DRAGGING CELIA UP AND DOWN THE CHESTERFIELD.
SLIGHTLY MADDENED BY ALL THIS, HE PULLS DOWN HIS OWN FLY, PUT HER MANICURED HAND ON HIS PENIS, WHICH HE FANCIES BY NOW IS THE SIZE OF TORONTO'S CN TOWER.
SHE MASTURBATES HIM, SKILLFULLY AND EFFECTIVELY.

SUDDELNLY SHE STOPS. SHE GOES TO KNEEL BEFORE HIM ON THE CHESTERFIELD. SHE IS BEAUTIFUL. A KNEELING MADONNA.

BUT HE PUTS A HAND ON EACH SHOULDER AND URGES HER TO STOP.

PROFESSOR................................How drunk are we? MIssionary, missionary. I am Father Brebouff!

HE TRIES AGAIN TO REMOVE HER TIGHT JEANS, IN THE SAME AWKWARD FASHION, BUT SHE MUST SURELY HAVE A RASH IN SEVERAL PLACES NOW. NOW, EVERY TIME HE ZIPS DOWN HER FLY, SHE GOES TO ZIP IT BACK UP AGAIN.

SHE GETS UP SUDDENLY AND MAKES A BEELINE TO HER BEDROOM, STAGE LEFT.

SHE RETUNS, THIS TIME IN A NEGLIGEE OF A BLUE COLUR. BUTSHE STILL HAS ON JEANS. THESE ARE ALSO BLUE AND NOW SEEM A LITTLE LOOSER.
SHE ISHOLDING A DRINKK IN HER HAND.

CELIA (WALKING TOWARDS DAVID)................................Hm. Here, I've got something here that will mellow your right out.

HE TAKES A SIP OF THE NEW DRINK. IT IS A GREEN COLOUR, LIKE CREME DE MENTHE.

PROFESSOR (IN A SUDDEN HICCUP).............................Holy Cow!

THE PROFESSOR'S EYES GO WILD. HE PASSES OUT.

LIGHTS: Dim.

BEAT

LIGHTS BACK UP

SHE IS ONLY IN HER NEGLIGEE NOW. SHE IS IN HIS ARMS, BUT HE IS NOT ENTIRELY CONSCIOUS. IN A DAZE, HE IS NOW FONDLING HER ERECT BREASTS WHICH PEEP THROUGH THE NEGLIGEE. SHE MOVES HER FACE OVER HIM, PUTS HER EYES RIGH T AGAINST HIS EYES.

CELIA..............................................................Do I remind your of your wife>

PROFESSOR.(WHO IS EXPERIENCING A CARTOON EFFECT, FOUR EYES BLINKING, AS IF BELONGING TO DONALD AND DAISY DUCK..................... ...."Yes you do, Celia. Yes you do."

THEN CELIA SUDDENLY JUMPS ON HIS LAP.

PROFESSOR (AS IF HE WERE A CARNIVAL BARKER................Doggie doggie!Buffalo, buffalo.

THERE IS A CLIMAX HERE OF SORTS. DAVID STOPS ALL ACTION.

CELIA GETS UP FROM THE CHESTERFIELD.

HE ALSO RISES TO STAND BESIDE HER.

CELIA (STANDING NEXT TO DAVID)..........................You know, you're not so tall in your socks.

CELIA( EYES HIM CRITICALLY),,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I don't think I'll take any more courses from you.

SHE TURNS AND AGAIN GOES TO HER BEDROOM.

PROFESSOR......................................................I want to be in your bedroom. I want you to lie with me.

CELIA GOES TO STAND IN THE OPEN BEDROOM THE LIGHT STREAMING BEHIND.

NOT SURE WHAT TO DO THE PROFESSOR GOES TO THE BATHROIOM FOR A PEE.

HE RETURNS TO FIND HER STILL STANDING THERE, LIKE SOCRATES INA CATATONIC TRANCE.

HE THINKS HE HEARS A MAN"S VOICE FROM HE BEDROOM.

WHISPER FROM BEDROOM:................................Not very macho.

.....END ACT II, SCENE 3.

LIGHTS: OUT.





14 comments:

Donnetta Lee said...

Wow again. Don't know how you do it! I don't have the sticktoitiveness to get something like this done! Good job. The saga continues...
Donnetta

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Oh, you are a doll.

Thank you!

Charles Gramlich said...

Hum, when's the movie coming out? and what's the rating?

the walking man said...

Best scene yet, clearly articulated through the dialog and action. The stage directions of the script are clearly here for the actors and directors and not to help the audience understand. Eyup Ivan, now you have hit the zone, in my opinion, more please.

Peace

mark

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

I was wondering about that rating.
Can't quite say that x marks the spot.
AA?

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Mark,

Glad that it seems to work.

Had to be something like our pioneers here called a "still hunter."
You sit still in the bushes waiting for the deer to come.
Then you blast.
I think I'd been sitting in the bushes for a long time, but the quarry finally came.
Just hope I won't end up like the "silent duckhunter" who has to have a bowel movement in the middle of his stillness, then, as the duck flew over, he had to use both hands, realizing at that moment that he was chawin' toilet paper.

the walking man said...

Ha ha ha ha ha Ivan, you aren't a duck hunter!

Peace

mark

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Heh.

Does a Vice-President go hunting in the woods?

Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

::blushes::

Heff said...

Nice pickup on the Blazing Saddles reference !

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Hi Heff

Ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Tara,

I was wondering why too many of the girls weren't commenting.

Ah well, the prof in this instance is in the position of a salesman who couldn't sell a hooker to a mining camp.

benjibopper said...

i'm blushing too.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Hi Benji,

Tres chaude?

As they used to sing in Northern Quebec, "With a knick-knack,Tabernac,give a dog a bone..."