There are times when I wish poor St. Anthony would have gotten laid and gotten it over with.
To stay pure and holy he would sometimes become a flaggelant, cut himself with glass, or jump into a rosebush.
"Get the f*ck out of my rosebush, Tony!" an irate campasino would yell. "Who do you think you are, Jesus?
Ah, poor Tony. A saint for sure, but but is was one earthly hell of a way to go.
Today, all he will have had to do was get a computer and spend a few delightful hours.
But who knows. Maybe Ron Jeremy might excite him.
"Catch you, Tony, you get a piece of this."
Saints generally have high intelligence and low sexual drive, but St. Anthony really had to keep that cobra down.
(Oh-oh. I am flirting with blasphemy. The nuns would not be happy.
Neither the priests).
A joke at the half-way house. "What do priests get?"
Actually, in the course of my descent into bumhood, I did meet a Franciscan monk, somewhat defrocked.
"Franciscans are the hippies of the Catholic church.
"Bishop came over one day to visit.
Monk went over and said, "How're ya doin', Phil?"
I can just see if the Pope were to visit this monastery.
"Ratsinger, huh? Makes me think of American Idol.
"What'd Randy say.
"Isn't that Simon creepy?"
Franciscans are nuts.
Still, there is definitely something in the story of St. Anthony.
Enough to inspire a freelance genius like Dali
to paint a marvellous vision of triumph over the flesh.
So one must be chary of notions of blasphemy. The saints were certainly bigger people than ourselves.
There is, in fact a gathering roll of thunder while I persist in my foolishness here.
Something prescient in old St. Anthony, certainly St. Francis, probably the word's first animal rights activist.
Would have gotten the old seal-bottom seal of approval today. No clap.
Ah, the do-gooders and the Newfies.
With two sealers dead in the current hunt, it was really bad form of Greenpeace to say,
in efffect, that a herd of untouched seal is worth any number of Newfies.
Now this is sin.
And I'm all for St. Anthony.
And St. Francis of Assisi too, for the activists have a point.
But in the current seal hunt, I think Greenpeace should flaggelate itself.