Saturday, May 17, 2008

Years of self-denial.


Lord, it's so easy to produce drivel, and so hard to produce copy.

I think most of my problems come from having a too hard and too disciiplined a youth, and then joining the Air Force, where I was variously disciplined tear-gassed, called a prick and set out on parade.

Well, it turned out that the disciplne was good for future prrojects, like university and novel writing.
"You must have a lot of discipline," said an edtor. To produce a novel from scratch and still have it come out readable." He had a grant okay for me at the top of his desk.

"Years of self-denial,"I bragged.
(My wife, who had come along with me to the office had had grinned, "You never denied yourself a thing.").
Well, she knows my ins- and- outs.

Ah but the trouble with a guy who has had a hard life and had bullied himself into the middle class.
The struggle for survival was now pretty well. over. Strawberry Field Forever, it seemed.

Ah, but Catch 22.

You start doing things because you can and then you get into trouble.
I'll never go to another strip club again.

I am walking around a strip club floor, wearing a woman.
I had just joined some friends, out of curiosity. She came to my table, starkers, and announced she was mine.
Egad. I was married. There had to be a way out. "I am gay," I announced, hoping this would have the right effect.
"No problem," the brunette said. "So am I."
Then she proceeded to wrap herself around me. I tried to leave the table, but I was encumbered.
So here I am on the strip club floor, wearing a naked woman who just wouldn't let go.

I tried for the exit, but all houses of ill repute have all doors going in, and the doors out locked.

We did the oddest dance and for the longest time, and I somehow managed to extricate myself.

It wasn't pretty. Hell hath no fury. "If you say you're gay, what are you doing here?"

Well what was I doing here anyway.

Years of self-denial.

Now the protracted adolescence. Had to see carnal sights.
Never got all those beautiful high school queens.

Devil on my shoulder with a miniature pitchfork.

"If it feels good, do it."

Little angel on the rifght shoulder. "You'll lose everything!"

I almost did.

There were some ladies in the club out for a night on the town and they had visited the club out of curiosity. I think one of them knew my wife.

Nothing like Ivan doing the Hopak with a naked stripper for a sash around his baggy cossack pants.

There was a great formality around the breakfast table for many a month as I tried to explain.

"Hah. Years of self-denial. Bullroar!"


But as a writer, you do need discipline.

You can pick it up in the army or you can train yourself.

But no discipline, no seriouss work.

Which reminds me.

I have an article to write, but it's much more fun producing drivel like this.

............................

"All those whose mother is still alive, step forward!

"Uh-uh. Not so fast, Jones!"

##

20 comments:

the walking man said...

"Nothing like Ivan doing the Hopak with a naked stripper for a sash around his baggy cossack pants."

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...let's see you do the Hopak old man.

Peace

ea monroe said...

Ha -- that's a vivid image, Ivan! Yep, discipline is the key. I spend too much time goofing off! Have a good Sunday!

Charles Gramlich said...

I have discipline, but I think I've misplaced it somewhere in the house. Now if I only had the discipline to look for it.

Hum, wearing a woman. Interesting.

Donnetta Lee said...

"...wearing a woman." I focused on that as did Charles. Now there's a visual for you.

I've never been self disciplined enough. Only a little bit here and a little bit there. Usually in times of desperation.

I COULD give up my slovenly ways if I WANTED to. Really I could! Really!

Donnetta

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Discipline! Yes, I know discipline. I try to hide from it!

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

SORRY GUYS.
I HAVE HAD TROUBLE WITH ACCESSING THE NET FROM HERE.
TROUBLE WITH THE MODEM.

FOR A NON-TECHINCAL GUY LIKE ME, THIS USUALLY LEAD TO SEPARATION ANXIETY--NO CONTACT WITH BLOGGERS AND READERS--AND NERVOUS COLLAPSE.
SO I DRANK TO STAVE OFF THE NERVOUS COLLAPSE.
SEVERELY HUNG OVER AND FRUSTRATED AND ANNOYED, I CALL BELL 611 AND GOT THE MOST CHARMING FEMALE TECHIE, ONE NAMED SHERTTHI.

THE LADY IS A FAIRY GODMOTHER, I SWEAR....HAD ME LOOK FOR AN INTERNET CABLE....WHAT THE &*&^%$ IS THAT?....I FINALLY FOUND THE YELLOW COLOURED SUCKER AND SHE INSTRUCTED ME TO PLUG IT IN BETWEEN MY MODEM AND THE HARD DRIVE.
....THIS WAS ALL VERY HARD TO DO FOR RETARDED GUY. (ALL RIGHT...
"TECHNOLOGICALLY CHALLENGED")....

ANYWAY WITH A LITTLE CABLE PULLING AND INSERTING --AND GREAT STEP-BY-STEP INSTRUCTION FOR MS SHERTHSI, I JUST ABOUT REACHED MY LEVEL OF INCOMPETENCE BUT WE GOT THIS MOFO TO EVENTUALLY ACCEES THE NET.
....KNOCK ON ARBORITE, I THINK WE'RE BACK IN BUSINESS.

THERE ARE THINGS THAT ZEN CANNOT DO.

YOU NEED A LADY NAMED SHARTHI.

THANKS MOTHER BELL and THANKS SHARTHI

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Mark.

I suppose it beats the solo Mazurka. Ha.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Liz.

Hope your boss doesn't get you into bondage for "goofing off". :)...But she's female, so I think you're safe.

Well, the weekend has finally become good. I got my webesite back.
Separation anxiety!

Thanks, Ma Bell.

http://www.creativewriting.ca said...

Donnetta,

Neat comment.:)

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Charles,

Heh.

Right on.

Me too.

When suddenly finding myself single, I got obsessed with this G Spot you're supposed to find.
I got a book on it
But I lost the *&^^%ing book!

Now that's being undisciplined.

ivan prokopchuk said...

LGS,

No, you don't get a PhD from not having discipline.
Hell, I had to scour in the popcorn box trying to get my B.A., but it wasn't there.
Had to go the long way.

Discipline.

And later, some lady tried to get me into bondage!

She beat me with guitar strings, but I didn't like it.

Ah well, we once had an industrialist in Canada Named Vincent Massey. (Massey-Harris).

Here is hoping his wife was not named Sadie. :-)

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

ivan,
Thanks for the kind words but I am tempted to send you a picture of the rubbish pile that I call my desk to prove my point. However, on another aspect of discipline, i.e. in the presence of naked women, it is not so much a matter of discipline that saves me, but that nature has given me a built in protection in the form of extreme nerdiness.

the walking man said...

Waking, rising, occasionally bathing and, not forgetting to eat too often is discipline enough.

Peace

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

THanks, Doctor.

I think that club I went to would happily accommodate a nerd.

Cash does more than Milton can
To show the ways of Beelzebub to man.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Mark,

It is a hard regimen.

Monique said...

Oh Ivan, you do make me laugh. How on earth did you explain the Hopak to your wife!! And so well remembered. Now there's a script!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not much discipline here either but I have posted Middle Ditch 14! Yeah!!

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Thanks Monique.

Heh. Good advice from a script writer.
That would look kinda funny on stage, wouldn't it.

ivan@creativewriti9ng.ca said...

Monique,

Don't know if you're still perusing this blog.

I can't pick up audio on Middle Ditch. And I have a hard time finding the site.

I just had my computer fixed.

Can you hightlight something for me?
I seem to need to much googling to actually find Middle Ditch, as there are other categories with that name.

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