Thursday, July 24, 2008

My picture file. Kaput. I am seriously thinking of becoming a shepherd...Lord knows I've tried everything else, including rock star.


Never mind rock'n'roll.
I am on a bad roll.
For a computer geek, I'd make a fine blacksmith.
Persistence runs in my family, but it's like a chimp with fleas here. Both suffer damnably, and neither can win.
One was doing so well when one started out blogging. I could work out complex problems by pick, pluck and pray.
But now Hephaestus, the god of technology seems to have abandoned me, and I am reduced to simple shepherd.
How nice it was in the old days of hot lead.
Yeah, but that had its peculiarities too. I thought I could read backwards all right till I got down to a chase of newspaper or book print.
Jesus. Upper and lower case letters do not look the same way at all. Might as well be cuneiform, viz., <<<<<<<<<<<<
Dyslexia does no run in my family. While in the Air Force, I had to learn to write backwards on a lit plexiglass map so the controller in front facing me could get the track symbols and information, speeds of the planes, weather reports and all.
After a while it got to be second nature to write backwards. But if you put these very words up on a mirror ritght now, you'll see that the letters themselves are actually turned around. They have risers and descenders, serifs too. Never got the knack of setting up a page of hot lead type backwards. This was a special skill of the linotye operator, always a gay guy, for some reason.
Gay poeple are more left-handed than not. The right homme in the right place?
Had to be some reason I failed as a linotype operator.
Work around lead all the time. Lead poisoning. Mad hatters in the composing room.
And lordy, be careful not to spill a chase of type and start picking all the letter slugs up. Puff the tragic typie will getcha.
We used to make up songs about it.
Puff the tragic typie
Sat high on the shelf.
Couldn't find a **** to grab
So he ended up grabbing himself.
Yeah. Upper and lower.
They say the most complex problems are solved, oddly, with humour.
I am losing my sense of humour.
For god's sake, all I want to do is write, and maybe set up a picture or two. Is that too difficult to execute?
Well, not until I got my Windows 2000.
Never mind Bill Gates or all the ingenuity and the money he has.
Dare I say that a product has been put on the market that doesn't work half the time?
I am starting to believe that Mac really is "better built trucks."
And Windows is a shuck.
I am so frustreaded that I am starting to swear in Afrikaans.
Never mind H T M L
Rhymes with Boorkill, in Afrikaans.
Which is quasi-Dutch for a farmer's major appendage.
And that's quite an HTML tag.

16 comments:

Charles Gramlich said...

Wait till you get a load of Vista. A load is right.

Donnetta Lee said...

Ivan, techie son prefers Mac. I have Vista by accident and it's no picnic. (see Charles) But I do believe you are haunted by some wraith or other. Get out the pencil and paper!
Donnetta

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Donnetta,

A a woman's intuition. Right on.
Something of a wraith. Cops sometimes bother her. She had lived with a cop.
Well, here I was (blush) hoping to cop a feel and I felt a cop.
I guess the old ego was pumped up to have a good looking companion for a while.

But she's not mean.

Ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Charles.

I am so pissed I want to go through the garbage and find a Commodore.

Anonymous said...

News Flash!!!...Bill Gates buys rights to original commodore design...tape cassette drives to become wave of future...alien ship crashes...navigational system based on tape cassette drives and commodore clone equipment...alien entertainment console features vinyl 33/1/3 rpm equipment...vacuum tube technology entirely energy neutral in outer space...you,too,can have this revolutionary new technology at your finger tips...all this,and more...simply send me your credit card information...but wait...there's more...as an additional bonus,I will include a special collector's version of Windows 2000,along with assorted specimens of viro-technology associated with Windows and Internet Explorer[Trojans weren't always condoms]...but wait,there's more...a special bonus will include actual diagrams and schematic plans for true hard wiring of circuits,including where to buy solder,electrical tape,and weller soldering guns...don't get left behind in the rush to this new technology...act now...and as a final bonus,I will add a genuine Tesla coil kit,designed for home or portable use,or with a taser unit,along with a genuine electron,autographed by Tesla himself...if you're not interested,just send me $20 and I'll pray for you...amen...

http://www.creativewriting.ca said...

Brilliant,
EAB.

Anonymous said...

now haven't we just opened the door to quite a brave new world?...

ivan@creaivewriting.ca said...

Tower of babble? Electronic babble?

ea said...

Ivan, I think I have a Commodore in the Attic! ;-) His name is Frank.

Thank goodness I never had to work with hot type -- only cold type, and a lady who could read all that ticker tape coding. Some days we were up to our knees in ticker tape. After Merganthaler's Linotronic came alone we still referred to the code as "bells."

Years of typesetting and coding gone the way of click and mouse and drag, Mac or PC. Everyone's doing it themselves now and I have become a "graphics detective." Fix it, please. Make it work. I can do that!

It's more fun being a rock star! ~Liz

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Liz,

I swear we all have printer's ink in our veins, high tech or no.

the walking man said...

Ivan

Life was simpler back when we wrote backwards on clear plexi boards and left all of the nights work to a gay typesetter. Certainly was. Left more time for the manly journalistic pursuits of fighting and drinking with the press pass lodged firmly in a fedora ribbon.

That is one singular thrill Bill Gates will never have, fighting a pissed of public.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Jeez.

I swear you are right on.

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