Monday, September 29, 2008

Warning: NIce Ladies and Children should not read this blog. But Wallabees and Rheas can..




Some say the blues is getting up in the morning and stepping into the toilet bowl.

Well, it's one of those mornings

I am a caricature out of MAD Magazine #2, "Prince Violent", (picks up bow, drops bow, drops chain mail pants).

And even then, I look down at myself to find I have an extra belly button.

This is the goldenrod that once thrilled a bevy of beauties?

But, said one," I wish the rest of you were as good as your legs."

Well, I'm fancy!


Ah, Lothario turned into old goat.

It's a MAD, MAD world.

I think of "Clark Bent", hobbling from spitoon to spittoon, flies buzzing around him, the last frame in MAD having Lois Lane give him a backhander and yellinng, out of her talk balloon, "CREEP"..

Obviously in a funk this morning. Picking up my geetar. Thinking not so much of Transom-window belly to Leadbelly.


In the pines, in the pines, where the sun never shines
And you shiver when the cold wind blows


Woo. That indeed gave me a shiver.

Well, Norman Podhoretz says when a man has done some good writing, he feels like masturbating.

Says a friend, "Well, you can see the essence of his work."

Well, he did title it "Making It", but it seems all he had made was himself.

But it made him rich.


"Brilliant but broke doesn't cut it any more," says Mr. Podhoretz somewhere.

Well, I am certainly broke. And obvioulsy, not that brilliant.

I am working on another novel. Felt good to finish Chapter One, but I fear I am becoming like my contemporaties, all content and no style. Damn. It could have been a football schedule for the Hamilton Tiger-Cats.

Scratch one chapter.

Gets pretty desperate when you strive for dullness, just to satisfy some fuzzy-eared editor going over my stuff with probably spermy hands. "Write something people want to read."

Well, Ive tried everything, though I must admit Philip Roth got off to a good start with a magazine piece titled (sic)
WHACKING OFF, later retitled to Portnoy's Complaint.

Ah poor Alexander Portnoy and his valentine notes to the family's grocery liver.

Ah well, to each his own.

And yet, and yet, I sometimes get e-mails from bemused guitarist Liona Boyd and old school pal way back.

"Hee...Ivan, are you still writing about masturbation?"

She goes on to say they were some really weird people In San Miguel de Allende.

Er...


Thinking of this old cartoon chickens looking like Al Capp shmoos:

Chicken to other chicken:

Do people get laid?
No, people are chicken.

Why, that's it.

Rooster has become chicken.

But then rooster once spent $40,000-- to very nearly get aids.
Ya never know.

"How come the young girld don't go with me any more? I ask a friend in the building.

"You ain't got no money, honey."

Ah, back to the geetar.

In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun never shines.
And you shiver when the cold wind blows.

Oh Lord.

I am not built for tragedy.

I am built for comedy.

Tear up that first chapter. Start a new book

"Naked Came the Ukraiinian."

That's it

Envy is ignorance.

And imitation, especially imitation of dull work, is suicide.

But then a man from another ethnic group, Norman Podhorets has beaten me to it

Well, damn it all, Saul.

Have you ever tried women?

Not so lonely that way.

33 comments:

the walking man said...

Aged Ukrainian with working prostrate and good grip, dumbs down for economy's sake!!

You do realize right, that it takes talent to make your writing accessible to an editor? It is not easy for a MFA to write at an 8th grade level.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Mark,

You have a way of hitting the nail right on the head.

Charles Gramlich said...

If he'd kept the orginal title I might have read Portnoy's complaint.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Charles,

Yep.
All throught the book. And violated the family's grocery bag as well.
But there is a girl in the book called "the monkey."
She didn't monkey around.

Well, I guess Alexander Portnoy decided that a bird in the hand....

eric1313 said...

As a rockstar who I will not name once said: if you're going to rip someone off, make sure you steal a gem, and not just a rock.

OK, OK, I'll name him: It was the despicable dolt name Gene Simmons.

But I bet he stole that line too!

eric1313 said...

Another ripped off rockstar line came from my teenage idol, Mr. Jimmy Page: "Good composers borrow, great composers steal."

Of course he stole that line, that's what Jimmy did best... Willie Dixon and Muddy Waters are still waiting for their share of royalties from Led Zeppelin II...

And whoever said that line first will probably have to wait in a very long line to get his do.

Hey, but empty hands are good for something, right?

Write?

Wong.

*************

I've heard of an number of poets and writers who have used "manual stimulation" to try and heighten certain parts of their work.

But I need both hands to type, aye aye aye...

eric1313 said...

Yeah, my dad tells me "people do their worst thinking at 5:00 AM"

And you KNOW I argued that one!

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Eric. So many Gene Simmons in the business. I guess you mean the former Chaim Witz, born in Israel and forming KISS in New York.

Geez. Seems when you want to rock and roll all night, I'm either out of town or sleeping.

Sorry I wasn't awake

You always rock these pages. All night.

Insomnics always welcome here.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Eric,

Jeezus. I have lost, though drink and drugs a bit of the old Wikipedia mind.
The term was first used in literature, by, I think, Ford Maddox Ford. "Mere talent borrows, but genius steals."

But it sure does apply to rock'n'roll.
As far as I know, none of the great black guys were paid, either by the Stones, Cream, and even the Beatles.
To my mind, closest that came to originality was Queen...and that's debatable.
A promoter once said, "If I could get Muddy Waters, The Lonesome Amigos, and a whole string of such followers wouldn' have a chance.

Yep the old black bluesmen, some still alive will name actual riffs used by the Beatles and the Stones. They never got paid.

There is a story that Chuck Berry once got right up on stage and punched Keith Richard in the mouth.

ivan@creativwwriting.ca said...

Jimmy Page? Jimmy Page is God.

God would tamper with a commandment?

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Well, like Stephen Colbert said last night, "When I'm on the cellphone and the Blackberry at the same time, you can imagine what I used to shift gears."

Lana Gramlich said...

Liona Boyd's an amazing guitarist. I haven't played in so long it hurts again. Hang in there.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Liona Boyd turned out to be a guitar goddess, and me something of a troglyde.

But I was pleased to hear from her.

Yes, Lana. If we don't play we lose our callouses.

I'd never dare to play in front of Liona.

My Ponce is more like Ponce de Leon, always looking for the fountain of youth.

eric1313 said...

I just got back into playing again, have an acoustic that blisters me up for a week then after it's smooth riffing.

Yeah, Jimmy is awesome, but then again, sometimes criminals are worshiped.

Look at Chuck Manson. And he was a sh*t guitarist!

eric1313 said...

Notice how I'm feeling my old self again.

No, that's not another crack about masturbating.

Hey!

ivan@creativevewriting.ca said...

Yep, Eric,

And Jim Jones of Gyana and that lemming trap could play very well too.

eric1313 said...

Yeah, Muddy and old Willie are spinning so furiously in their crypts, they light up all of downtown Tuskegee.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Heh.

Not feeling myself lately either.

Maybe that's the problem

eric1313 said...

Take care of number one and the rest falls into line.

So the say, I'm still waiting on the last part....

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Didn't Howlin' Wolf one day write an emotional song about paying out
alimony?

Geez, if he'd only collected some blue-eyed blues royalty for himself.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Have mixed thoughts on Canadian rocker Randy Bachman and his "Looking out for Number One."

Very jazzy piece, I forget who wrote it first, but as a philosophy, I don't know.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Omigod, Eric.

I just realized the cocktail hour is upon us.

Reach for the vodka. There is a chicken in the pot.

I guess God takes care of drunks and fools.

...Like the man falling off our l,7050- foot CN Tower and in the air, "Gee, it feels good so far."

Anonymous said...

Straight thoughts 172
September 30th, 2008

Why so many?

Why so many good people going to church with you (and many church leaders) vote for socialist parties?

Because generally they think that “socialism” does more for the poor than capitalism. Thus, even when they are well off themselves, they think they are more compassionate (i.e.: feel less guilty) by voting for left wing parties.

Mostly because of lack of information and biased media reports, they believe that the poor will suffer less under left wing parties who develop more social programs with tax money (that the poor do not pay anyway).

However, the above conclusion it is not morally superior and is not true.

Morally, we are all called to help the poor personally, not collectively, by imposition of taxes.

To understand why the above conclusion is not true, two concepts need to be clarified:

1. The poor are suffering most in a poor economy. We can cite examples of countries around the world, but even better, people can understand that when the salary (cash in hand) of a “rich” person is cut in half, this person can do without some unessential goods, but when the salary of a poor person is cut in half, this person will have to do without essential items, such as food and shelter.

2. More government (Total Investment in Government infrastructures and programs) does not mean a better economy or a more compassionate government:

This second point needs to be further explained:

There are two extremes: No government and Total government (everyone works directly or indirectly for the government).

When there is no government at all, then some investment in government (e.g.: police, roads) is a investment for all.

When there is too much government (e.g.: nobody has a productive job), then everyone starves.

Thus, there IS and optimum level of investment in government, in between the two extremes.

Before that optimum point, when investment in government is very low, more government social programs will raise the standard of living of the poor (by taxing most of the others), but
After that optimum point, when investment in government is very high, more government social programs will lower the standard of living of the poor (as well as everyone else’s).

This has been explained in graphical form in the article: The STING curve. For reference, click on http://www.familycoalitionparty.com/FCP%20Notes/FCP%20SECTIONS%203/policies%20-%20optimum%20-%20maximum%20point.htm

Conclusion:

According to our best modeling (and a corroborating study1), the optimum point (measured in total amount of taxation) is about 20% to 35%2.

In today’s Canada the total level of taxation has risen to over 50%3 (without alleviating governments deficits4).

Thus, with today’s Canadian size of government (federal, provincial and local) any MORE investment in social programs (while maintaining the same old programs and priorities) is deleterious to the economy and lowers the standard of living of the poor (contrary to the very objective of those new programs).

Can compassionate “good people” (including many preachers) understand the negative implications of "more government" on the poor, in today's society?

Finally, they should also study what the role of government is: They should not confuse our personal call to help the poor with enforced government policies (which do not secure anyone a better place in Heaven).

Giuseppe Gori
Leader, Family Coalition Party of Ontario

NOTES

1. Georgios Karras, “The Optimal Government Size: Further International Evidence on the Productivity of Government Ser­vices,” Economic Inquiry, Vol. 34, (April 1996), p. 2

2. No previous government has tried to quantify its “size” with an econometric model, thus more studies will be required to identify the parameters and obtain a more precise definition of the “optimum point” in the STING curve.

3. Including Income taxes, sales taxes, property taxes, capital taxes, business taxes and a list of hundreds of other taxes.

4. A misconception, very common in left wing circles, is that more taxes generate more government revenue. Of course, this is true when the Total Investment in Government is low (BEFORE the optimum point), but is preposterous in today’s reality, with our Total Investment in Government is well AFTER the optimum point. The fact that after the optimum point lowering taxes increases government revenue has been demonstrated (e.g.: During the presidency of Ronald Reagan).


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JR's Thumbprints said...

I've actually had a student named Lothario. I think his momma was a crackhead. If I could find the "BIG W" I'd ask, "Why?"

eric1313 said...

Randy Bachman, ehhh? Yeah, I've only been a fan of one or two songs... mostly Guess Who stuff.

And as a Bachman my self, I was sickened every time a teach would ask me if I was related to him...

After a while, I just said, "yeah, he's my brother, mom* is the Ancient Evil."


*Mom is as kind a soul as you will ever meet.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

JR,

Why would any mothe name a son Lothario, which is a name for "Horny Bastard."

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Some nice "Moms" or Angels in the little bookstores when you're staring out.

They'll take your self-published book and put you on a list of poets; get you started.

Anonymous said...

one cracked headlight,trying to cut through the fog of broken down dreams and misplaced lyrics...we all drive that road,stalling,finally,at the wreckers' yard...another vehicle,another dream,another journey...nice ladies and children to the lifeboats first...

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Anonymous:

It gets even worse.

Two German Shepherd mastiffs barking and snarling at you as you try to get out of your nearly- wrecked car.

Donnetta Lee said...

...striving for dullness...

You put it so well, Ivan. I think I have been there, done that.

Love that line. D

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Yeah, Donnetta, thanks.

I thought I had made my Hat People novel sufficiently dull, and when John Dowson learned that I had made headway into getting my Light Over Newmarket published, he said "What?" THE HAT PEOPLE was more exciting!"

Hard to tell about one's own work.
And it's even worse when John's wife pipes in to say, "Fire in Bradford? Dull.
"Some dweeb chasing his girlfriend all over York Region." LOL.

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