Sunday, October 19, 2008

101 uses for dead cats.



My first encounter with the man in the hoodie and scythe came thirty years ago.

I had picked up my children at my former wife's home, was going to Toronto wirth them, where I lived. Along was my knockout girlfriend from California, and whe wanted to go shopping witth the kids an all. She was good with them.

Well at first I said fine, fine, but then a sudden shiver seized me as I looked at the red Exit light over the subway doors.

In the doorway was the dude. He seemed to enter, robe flutterimg. scythe almost caught just under the exit sign overhead. "Scrooge come to collect, Motherf*cker."

The moment came, I suppose, when the noise of he car, the lights, the lit ads, the mammoth drinking and pill taking, had finally cumulated. Anxiety attack. And with the fatigue and the separation. Angst. "You've dug your last hole, mole!. You're under control!.
"Your death cometh as the end.

"The glamorous job, the women, the fancy f*cking.
"You're dead meat."

Dead meat indeed, as I faced my glamorous, almost innocent girlfriend, who wanted to go shopping. Us and the kids.
I was immobilized. Face a mask. Who am I?...And a few moment afterwards, Loren indeed asks, "Who are you?"

I did not know.

The hooded guy could have come frrom a recruiting poster, out of Russia or America, or England.
"You!"

Cripes.This was serious businesss. I would have to take Loren and the children to the home of friend. He too had kids and would be glad to have us, since his own kids would like the compny of my tykes.

He was also my unofficial analyst.

"It'll never be over. The guilt, the self-loathing.
"Believer me, I know. I too took the suitcase and walked, sort of walked to New Orleands, away from my wife, like Fats Domino in the song."


The kids play in Morris' yard. Morris' second wife and Loren are talking together.

Morris and I are talking together.

"It may have just been an anxiety atack after all the storm and stress.

I relaxed a little.
"That or it may indeed be the man with the scythe. You can die of a midlife crisis."

"Thanks, pal."

There is a pause.

" But it was death. Death, man. Death come callin'

"But then you and I are about the same. Romantics to the end In a wheel chair, wondering, ideating, what it's all about. Does the universe vibrate in A-minor?
To the end."



Well, this morning I felt the robed guy's bad breath again.

He come callin'.

What's it for t for this time? I have repented.I have become as a monk. There is no more guilt.

"You think your paltry repentance will do? it is all nirvana. It is universal. Nirvana. It blows."

" But my visit was meant for you."


But then his cell phone rang. Death with a cellphone?

"Yes?" He put the cell down.

"You are one lucky MoFo.

"Mistaken identity.

He saw me sigh with relief.

"But I'll get you next time, Mother*ucker

As I know he will.


We get these warnings, these personal symbols.

Ad what do they mean?

Nirvana. It blows.

##

52 comments:

Charles Gramlich said...

So far I've only seen the fellow at a distance, or driving the cars that nearly killed me on the bike.

Missy said...

What a write dude!!!! Love the picture of the cat on the laptop woot that is so cute!!!

Found you by way of Donnette..

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Hi Missy,

Thanks.


You strike me as a dear kipper.

ivan@creativewriting.a said...

Charles,

Yeah. He de man.

Donnetta Lee said...

I thought I saw "him" once in Mexico. We were on a local bus going out of town and the locals were feuding with the government. The road was dug up so the bus had to stop outside a small village. There were young men carrying machetes and walking around angrily. I have never been so scared in my life. I thought I was dead meat. Then, of course summer before last when I got sick I thought it was the final curtain call. Nope. Here I am. Still kicking. Looks like you are gathering the Okies, Ivan! D

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Okies are somehow a lot like me.

I too come from sort of a depression background...Steinbeck and all.

ea monroe said...

Is that the "Dude" that sometimes throws lightnin' bolts? And stinks of ozone?

If that's him, then yeah! I've met that "Dude" about three times so far! He knocked me on my ass one time, but I got away. Barely.

~Okie Liz

Lana Gramlich said...

Death seemed to come in mom's form too many times when I was too young. After her, I ain't afraid of nuthin'!

the walking man said...

He keeps trying for a head shot with that scythe. I keep ducking. Problem is I can't bend like I used to.

Midnight said...

Fuck death, and all of its ramifications. Came close, through riding, and faced it matter-of-factly, through previous career climbing experiences. It becomes a part of the background hum.
I may feel differently, when I'm in my seventies, as opposed to my current forties, but I sure as hell fuckin' hope not...
Besides, I am not currently being perpetually shot at, unlike the brave men and women, that are presently, usually, routinely forgotten.

ivancreativewriting.ca said...

Mark,

How right you are.

I myself feel like an old straight crippled guy on Brokeback Mountain...and now I can't run very fast.
Death has a gay streak?

Anonymous said...

they say don't go,to brick broke mountain...and if'n you do,don't drop your soap...

Anonymous said...

actually,upon many second thoughts and considerations,it would appear that your most recent manifestations are simply sublimative surfacings ,driven by your own realization that you have not yet produced the ultimate Canadian "cloak and dagger" novel....

ivan@cretivewriting.ca said...

Lana,

Yeah. You don't feel too secure when old Mommer is trying to do you in.
With all deference, I too had a mother who should have been locked up....And then they gave a war.

Ah scarred.

But then we somehow mess up our own children too.
But I took care not to hit them.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Midnight.

Yeah, the danger is always there as kind of a backdrop.
Yes. And our boys in Afghanistan are being set on the altar. Worse still, the civilians and the kids.

Bob Dylan:

When you gonna wake up
When you gonna wake up
Don't let Henry Kissinger tie you in a knot
When you gonna wake up.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Midnight,

"They say don't go
To Broke Back Mountain."

...Clifton Clowers has lost his daughter. His only entertainment.

And he's saying, "If I don't catch you, you get a piece of this..."

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Midnight,

You say it's all storm and stress here because ous I haven't yet produced the ultimate Canadian "cloak and dagger" novel....

Heh. You say it because it's true :)

Midnight said...

Ivan, I have never posted comments, under the name 'anonymous'.

Cheers.

ivan@creativewriing.ca said...

Whoops.

Sorry Midnight.

...Senior moment

Anonymous said...

Ivan...I have never posted comments under the name "Midnight"...

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Ha ha ha ha ha.


Twirl that pinkie

Anonymous said...

so quit yer chucklin',boy,and get on with that there "cloak and dagger" story...cold war heat,sort of...re-born identity...sort of...moles,digging into the big mountain...you've been thru' it...

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Might get shot by Clifton Clowers up there on Wolverton Mountain.

The quest is fraught with danger.

"It wasn't as if I'd killed that Bo. I just shot him in the ass.

"I'm a good ole boy.

And the mountain is there, all right."

Anonymous said...

silly dick...y'all crossed that mountain a ways back...give my regards to Clifton and tell him his daughter is in real good hands...so to speak...

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Well yeah, anonymous.

Iguess I sort of got through it all.

I'm not quite gruntin' like a pig.
(I did have the crossbow).
I guess I kind of climbed up he mountain like an ambitious type.
But ignored everything else that was clamoring for attention all the while-- and it's all come home to roost.

To wit:

Sacrificed my health.
I have this week wrenched my back, my innards are fast going and I don't like the doc using a word like cat scan.... Radiation pellets coming all the way back from my old neighouring town of Chalk River
to zap old Ivan right up the ass.
It is my Neandert(h)al belief that catscans cause cancer and I want no part of that, though I haven't had a dump in five days.
Ah well, there are some who say I am full of it anyway.
Yep, good friend Tony, I have made it.
And thanks to pals like you, it ain't so lonely.
There sure was help along the way.

Heh.
Unhand my chick!

benjibopper said...

close call, man. i like his occasional appearance on family guy. nice that even death can poke a little fun at himself.

http://www.creativewriting.ca said...

thnks,

Benji.

Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

wow...


soft love,
T

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

:)

Midnight said...

Ivan, damn the torpedoes...
Rock on !

Also, Ivan, and Anon, after re-reading my comment at
10/20/2008 - 3:21pm, I can see how it may be interpreted as a snarky comment, toward 'anonymous' commenters. That was not my intention. It was merely an expression of my personal pride.
I may go by the semi-anon 'handle' of 'Midnight', but I would never switch to 'anon', if I had something more 'controversial' to say. I've always been accountable, to my 'handle'.
And I refuse to use, emoticons (is that elitist, like?), though I've often written:
[Insert emoticon smile, here].

Cheers.

P.S. - See what happened, when I was sober?

http://www.creativewriting.ca said...

Midnight,

Everything understood.

No need to explain.

I have bee known to take a drink myself. Sometimes you can tell in my copy. ...Yeah...makeshift emotion icon here.

p.s.:

Did you and I ever and cross commens on Antonia Zerbisias' excellent blog in the Star...till they cut off th blog?

She told me she had to cut off her blog becouese "too many assholes and cranks were getting in."

Present company definitely not included....There were a bunch of right-wingers and middlie east politicos in Antonia's blog all of a sudden and Antonia had to take another position at the Star; too bad. It was the best overgrond, Star-sponsored blog ever.
Had to hand it to the Star to come out with something good, and then, in Antonias words to me--"all the assholes took over and I had to quit."

Cheers.

Anonymous said...

Ivan,

I discovered Antonia's blog in the early spring, and read it occasionally, but I haven't commented there.

Stay cool.

Midnight

PS - I believe Goggle 'comments' may be acting funny, on at least a couple of sites, or maybe it's it's just my computer. Have never seen that problem before. Oh, and the 'sober' comment, was my afternoon one.

Anonymous said...

And no, that wasn't a joke. On C's site, the comments seem to be off, and here, they wouldn't preview, and gave only a Name/URL choice, saying, URL is incorrect. Had to dick around for 10min. Probably just temporary.


Midnight

Anonymous said...

Midnight,

Microsoft has been going crazy all night. And there is a sudden chane in comment protocol.

Cheers.

Ivn

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