Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Plumbing, Heating and Drains. PhD's passing through the rye

I am frustrated and annoyed. As happened to Josie yesterday on her blog,I have lost two blog drafts into cyberspace...I never take blogger Lana's advice to have a copy at all times; I get so hot in the speed and fury of the attack in blog composition, that I am like old King John and the cakes he was supposed to watch in the oven....Burned to a crisp, and since he was in mufti, the housewife took a broom to him.

"Mufti. Quite a word," My friend the builder of banks, said. "Mufti? Sounds French to me. Perverted bastards!"

Anyway here I am, King John sort of in mufti, for they don't call me Doctor at the college any more. "Looking at your lifestyle, especially at the reveling and carousing, it's more like asshole than doctor and I'm not sure if I want you at this campus any more, said the campus dean. "Go to King City where all the other whackos are. Just stay away from Newnham in Toronto.

I was fired. I was not fired. There were about seventeen campuses of mammoth Seneca College. All over the Province.

"And another thing, he said over his shoulder as I turned to walk away. "I hear you are teaching your kids Homer in your creative writing class. Homer? At a community college?
He was dangerously close to an oxymoron here. In fact, I suppressed the urge to call him a moron. Hell. Homer wrote not only the world's first set of ancienrt Greek bibles, but also the world's first two novels, flashbacks and all.

Ah. You're not supposed to teach them about Homer, you the Mickey Mouse prof among the other PhD's in Plumbing, Heating and Drains, Applied Beekeeping and Underwater Basket Weaving for divers? "Divers blow farts and bite at the bublles," the arts students used to torment.

"You should be teaching university, not comumunity college, you are so awful," said the dean.

Another oxymoron, it seemed to me.


Well, I have lost two blogs in the ether already. Looks like too much of the familiar unholy trinity of Rejection, Failure, Pain has brought back a flahsback, this moment of synchornicity to another ridiculout, but painful situation.
Rejected by a campus dean, I fear I might be even rejected by even Google, or something.

I need self-assurance, compensation.

So like the "You're So Vain" man in Carly Simon's song, I google madly, trying to find myself.

Google, google, google.

Well hey, lookee here:

Google Books by Ivan Prokopchuk.

The Black Icon: A Story / by Ivan Prokopchuk
by Prokopchuk, Ivan - 1992
No preview available - About this book - Add to my library

The Fire in Bradford: A Novel
by Ivan Prokopchuk - Fiction - 1996 - 101 pages
Cover title.
No preview available - About this book - Add to my library

The Black Icon: A Story
by Ivan Prokopchuk - 1969
No preview available - About this book - Add to my library

Light Over Newmarket: A Novel
by Ivan Prokopchuk - 1991
No preview available - About this book - Add to my library

Storm and Stress on the Campaign Trail: The 1985 Election in a Small Ontario ...
by Ivan Prokopchuk - 1986
Cover title.
No preview available - About this book - Add to my library

The Hat People: A Novel
by Ivan Prokopchuk - 2001
No preview available - About this book - Add to my library.


Damn, campus dean.
In a world of publish or perish, I know darn well you never even finished your thesis to get your job. You had pull.

And you're calling me odd because I teach Homer to my kids?

Get a life!

Ah vanity. Thy name is Ivan.


Ah well, Atleast it's a finished blog.

Even if I am finished at one campus of Seneca College.



Charles Gramlich said...

Some of the best teachers are at community colleges where they get to teach instead of getting shuttled into research or administration.

http://www.creativewritng.ca said...


The reseach and publishing can be a drag on students, no?

I heard one prof announce he was buiding and empire, "but the students get in the way."

Lana Gramlich said...

See what happens when you don't listen? *sigh* Silly, silly Ivan! (I feel your pain, actually. That's the only way I learned, myself.)

ivan@cresativewriting.ca said...

It can get you down. Till you learn. :)

Donnetta Lee said...

I agree with Charles. Some of the best teachers I had were at our local "junior college." Learned much in that environment. Good people, too. D

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...


I keep hearing from Canadian universities that the untenured profs are the best.

the walking man said...

Oh Ivan; Mufti in mufti why waste your prodigious talents on mere uneducated students? Gather your robe, place your mortar board upon your head with your many tassels around the strong shoulders holding so much education and make camp at the base of the CN tower. Espouse Homer to the masses needing to ride the elevators for a better view. Odysseus would do no less to war against the polyphemic bastards!

Educate the people! Hell I'd throw a dollar (Canadian) into the open violin case at your feet.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...


Thanks for the pat on the back.

I am hardly Socrates, but writers of his time said he could be a character too. :)

benjibopper said...

if it's any consolation, one of my few regrets in life is that nobody ever taught me Homer.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Says Paul Brikckhill, famed for his Stalag breakout book, The Great Escape, "you are not a genned man without Homer"...But then I think we have seen all the movies. I think that counts.

Anonymous said...

ya gotta keep in clear perspective,Ivan,who the better man is...from the sounds of it, the term dean, as related to that individual, was,in effect,an oxymoron,too...as for MUFTI [multi use tactical force intervention...eg. closing a large book on his head,forcefully and quickly ],all I can say is it's a good thing you didn't exercise that option...better to beat the crap out of him in ink/print...perhaps he suffered from SD syndrome...were you gathering a following of young beauties?...therein may the rub have been laid,so to speak,in a stroke of envy...

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...


Well, after I quit teaching the course, and they put a woman in, the course collapsed.
Hm. Animal magnetism? :)

Sydney plumber said...

Work for job satisfaction not just money

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Sydney plumber knows.

utah plumbing rules said...

Good post.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...


How about that.
Post is popular with tradesmen.

Last in was an Australian plumber.

Now it's Utah.

Checked your site.


Benjamin Franklin Plumbing serves Salt Lake City, Utah.
Benjamin Franklin Plumbing
If There's Any Delay, It's You We Pay!

...Ah but I am so far away.

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