Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Hep the Techie and Pro the Pro

I am hardly Prometheus--more like a weasly Publius Casca in Julius Caesar, but I swear Hephaestus, god of repair has left me on a cliff with that pesky eagle gnawing on my alcoholic liver.
Don't you hate that when it happens?

I have somehow missconnected my new compaq. I thought it might not have a built-in modem and applied my old modem to it and somehow knocked myself off the internet.

Not only that but I can't send out email.

Jesus. Little hard drive says DELL.

Friggin right. I should be in comic books.

Writing for years and years to prove to people I'm not stupid, but I think the final irreducible antinomy has been reached.

"You've dug your own hole, Mole. You are stoopid."

Years of shops in high school and I can't put two sticks together. (Of course, twelve beers a day during this holiday season--doesn't help at all).


So here is my techie, who will not make house calls, hanging me up on a cliff while the eternus famishus-famishus eagle flies over to have scoff of my liver.

Tough luck Henry Muck!

Went to my shrink and he said, "Fine, fine I'll get you the rope."

Jesus, that't the ultimate rejection.

Pull the chain!

First flush of despair.

Goodbye cruel world.

...Water closet disconnected and fell on my head.

Shouldn't have tied the rope there.

Says Hephaestus. "What a f*ck-up. Can't even commit suicide properly...but I think he meant just to flush it."

Well a load off my mind at last.

Maybe first flush of success.


##

16 comments:

Charles Gramlich said...

Computers could even make Einstein stupid, my friend.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Right.

And I think it was he that had a lot to do with quantum mechanics...At least he knew Borg.
No, not Startrek Borg but the real guy...The Borg who paved the way to my wonky quantum leap computer.
The thing doesn't seem to think the way we do...And its own way doesn't work half the time.
I am seriously thinking of becoming a shepherd.

Donnetta Lee said...

Oh, the magic world of technology. Did you click your heels together 3 times and say, "There's no place like home"? Or blow out a candle and make a wish? How about sharing a wishbone? None of these remedies can hurt. Some may actually help. They seem just as sound as plugging in or tuning up. Or down or up loading. Oh, I know! Just make a small sacrifice to the God Toshiba or the Goddess Compaq. You could sacrifice an ipod or something. Makes sense to me. D

JR's Thumbprints said...

Hope 2009 finds you computer-wise. Cheers!

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Donnetta.

Euroeka. I got it!

Finally hooked this machine up properly. Modem goddem.

Whee.

Now if my quirky techie would only get me a good anti-virus device.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

JR,

Thanks.

I think I finally got it. Eureka. I have accessed the internet at last.
For a while there my new Compaq was like Com Sub Pac...yellow Submarine Command in Pacific...Had to raise mental periscope out of my bathtub to finally get a grasp on cyberspace reality and not on myself. :)

the walking man said...

http://www.download.com/AVG-Anti-Virus-Free-Edition/3000-2239_4-10320142.html?tag=mncol;pop&cdlPid=10983733



Ivan...click on the H of http and hold the left button down while you drag the cursor over the entire address above...it will turn blue...right click on the highlighted address and click COPY...left click on the address bar at the top of the screen it will turn blue...right click on the highlighted address and hit PASTE...

The screen that opens is a free virus program that has had nigh on 2,000,000 downloads.

I use AT&T broadband and they have free of charge an entire security suite including virus and firewalls. Haven't had a virus that amounted to much in almost 5 years.

SQT said...

Some days I think it would be easier to chuck the computer out the window. Then I'd be trying to put the thing back together with duct-tape. But still. It'd be cathartic.

ivan@creaetivewriting.c a said...

Thanks, Mark.

I'll try it as soon as I unscramble my brains from the celebration vodka after I finally figured out that a modem is not built into my Compaq and had to be plugged into the hard drive unit...wasn't sure if an old modem would work, but it did.
...Cousin Weakbrain over here.
Took herculean effort to figure out what was wrong...many bottles.
...I swear Santa did a U turn and helped me out...Certainly helped me to somehow find the money for the new machine.
I can't believe it. My faraway son is a systems analyst...Genes working backwards?
Christmas Miracle!
Happy New Year.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

SQT,

Funny thing.
I have used a bit of duct tape over here to mark all the wires...but they were the wires leading to my old hard drive.
This new gizmo has only five to plug in.
Oh pick, pluck and pray.
Felt like that Mexican for a while...Manuel Ineptitude. And the vodka, with the frustration, wasn't helping.
Heh.
When the going gets tough, the tough get drunk. :)

ivan@c reativewriting.ca said...

Happy New Year, Quarks. and all non-Quarks who read this blog...!!

Danny Tagalog said...

Ivan,

Long time no see! I can put a few letters after my name now too! Spent the last year getting qualified in something in order to lengthen my stay in Nihon. I'm in Niigata, in a ski lodge where the atmosphere is impossibly warm and the sake goes down a treat after having a try at skiing.

Here's to a productive year for Mr. Prokopchuk;)

DT

Ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Moshi-Moshi, my friend.

Good timimg.

Happy North American New Year.
I tried skiiing once. Hara-Kiri.

Those people are crazy!

the walking man said...

Best to you old man!

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Thanks Mark.

I think I left a note on your site for same.

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