Friday, January 02, 2009

Dangling man in January



You know that wistful, lethargic--but at the same time "Gawd! If one more thing goes wrong!" feeling.

Borderline psycho, I suppose.

I guess Alanis Morisette says it best.

"I got one hand in my pocket and the other is hailing a
taxicab."

What pocket is she talking about? For a guy, would that be playing pocket pool?
Hm. Not feeling myself lately. Gave it up for New Year's anyway.
Well, one thing Alanis can do is craft a song. And how she can craft! Almost ancient Greek odes, but extremely modernistic, always unrhymed coming down in lines of three. Calliope from Ottawa. She of the many voices.

Well, one thing I seem to share with my little goddess is an early January sense of unrealiy.

"I'm drunk but I'm sober.
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed baby."

And then the coda:

"What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five"

I mean to ask her, "Alanis, have you ever been crazy?"
And she'd probably answer, "Yes, many times...But you just walk through it."

Hard to walk though it this January, that god of the two-faced coin. Got one hand in his pocket saying "heads you win and heads you win."

I am schizophrenic, and so am I.

Same as if he were to say "heads you lose and heads you lose?

God of doorways. God of change.
Brings to mind, somehow, a joke heard in Quebec about this two headed guy who answers his phone and promptly offers, "It's for you."

January of the two heads.
Perhaps the most imprtant god in the Roman pantheon, perhaps even more important than Jupiter.
Says the Greek Heraclitus, "The one thing we can always count on is change."

...But for me, the more things change, the more it seems the same.
Or, to get it from the street: "Same shit. Different day."

Ah dangling man.

Got one hand in my pocket and the other on the blue movie.interface.
Heaven forbid if it is of such stuff that blogs can be made of.

But it's January. Do the Robert Frost. In February you will sleep.

Doing the Alanis today in January. Lovely Calliope of the two heads.

From the Alanis to the Pacifis.

##

24 comments:

Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

Ivan,

Seems you have the blues or feeling less than positive about yourself and life. You know, as much as I have read your writings about you and life, about everything, it always seems you get down on yourself. I could weave you a story that would make glad you are you. But then that would be saying my troubles are worse and really it is only how I see them and because they affect me, they seem worse.

In the last seven years good and bad things have happened, but man I am beginning to wonder myself and yet I continue to read of others having such hard times or moments of doubt, depression, loathing oh I could go on, but I won't.

Just last month I was hit my an SUV, my car is gone and I have been out of it for weeks, but I am breathing, I have my lovely children, a few close friends, my writing, a place to sleep and eat and of course people like you here on the blog scene. I am thankful all of you and even though I have not been able to be here as much lately, I do think of you often. So let's just say, "Smile Ivan, there are people out here that are touched by you even when you hide away during a full moon. We comforted in the knowing that you can always come here and find you. Life is hard love, you know that, but as the song goes, "Life is Sweet." (And so are you)

Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

oops that is by an SUV, I'm sorry.


Soft love,
T

ivan@creatigvewriting.ca said...

Real troubles and concerns...while most of mine seem in my head.

Feel for you, Tara.

Danny Tagalog said...

Don't get an unduly dark feeling from this post.

But I was surprised that you used Alanis as a Calliope type figure.

And it worked, but I'm unsure whether truth or sarcasm is the winner...

After all, Heraclitus loved to make epithets that were difficult to understand.

I can understand, but it's the 5% that bugs me...

Thanks for this;)

ivan@c reeaivewriting.ca said...

:) I don't know what it is with your foreigners. I am speaking American as distictly as I can. Why don't you udertand me?

SQT said...

Methinks Spring can't come too soon.

I also know the blues. It's no coincidence that my avatar has blue skin. She and I have a lot in common-- she's just much cooler than I am.

I agree with the first poster; you touch people whether you know it or not. I come by, interested to see what you've written today. I like the paths your thoughts take. The funny synchronicity you can find in an Alanis Morrisette song. The reference to pocket pool...

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

SQT,

Funny thing. Synchroniciy.
...You've just jogged another association in me.

Your blue avatar, alter-ego.

During a disastrous careet as a mountain climbing instructor--that I hadn't killed anyone is a miracle--i came aross another instructor, a woman named Blue Sterling
"That is such a cool name," I had said.
"It's an anagram she had said.
My first name is actually KALTRINA, but it suggests blue; my husbands name is Sterling, and, well, there you have it. Blue Sterling.
Blue Sterling was not only an accomplished climber (she was the first to show me the knots and belaying techniques) but also a brave person going up the rungs of life.
Both her children were dyslelxic and had adjustment problems, but she loved her husband so much and she was so glad to have had his children, even wih all their problems. She was very much in love with all those near her.

Certainly a doughty climber on the mouuntain of love.
I guess she too had a kind of avatar.

Blue Sterling.
A kind of wonder woman? I wondered.

Danny Tagalog said...

I'm beginning to udersdand you, but I guess i had better stop playing pocket pool and get reading Newmarket in order to have a better grip...

;)

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Well, we seem to "get" each other instantly.
I guess you might have worried that some of my associations may be a little arcane for the ordinary reader.
But I'm an ordinary writer.
Rugged realism, I say.

And thanks so much for being interested in my Mewmarket

Anonymous said...

I'd rather read Mewmarket than write about Classwatch and all that Orwellian bad jazz. Like 'the 'New' so far;)

Charles Gramlich said...

I do like that song, but that and "you oughta know" is about all I've ever heard from her.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Anonymmous:

Thanks. That you Danny?

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Charles.

You get a pretty good sampling with those two. But the ones in Jagged Little Pill really kind of get you where, at least, I live.
"You ought to know" seemed to be addressed right to me from somebody.
I guess good art makes you identify somehow.

On a screwball note, when I heard "Thank You India", I wanted to say, in my cups, "Thank you Alanis. I want to get India too."

ea monroe said...

"Always expect the unexpected..." that's my motto. Happy New Year's, Ivan! ~Liz

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

I've got a poster of a guy at the opera, while everybody else is applauding the fat lady, copping a feel of the breast of the lady next to him while she is raptly applauding.

"Expect the unexpected," says the caption. :)

Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

ugh, smile Ivan dammit smile.

Soft love,
T

ivan@creatgivewriting.ca said...

Expect the unexpected! :)

the walking man said...

"What's the matter Mary Jane; had a hard day?"

The seasons will pass twice for the schizophrenic; once for I and again for the he who is sleeping inside I.

I just am glad that they pass.

Sienna said...

Write it up in the stars

The beauty and joy she brings to our hearts,

The wonder of her new and precious life,

Unconditional Love

Isabella the beautiful.

DanglingPam

Anonymous said...

yeah, t'was Danny Boy

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Danny Boy,

A Japanese ExPat in an Irish kilt and with pipes would be a sigh to see.
Did your mither come from Ireland?
Who knows? There are even black Irishmen, probably descended from the Spanish Armada.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

The Walking Man,

My name isn't Polly, it's Sam.

And I don't want a cracker, I want a B.J. :)

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Sienna and all Quarks:

News item:

"Alanis is back -- and baby got back
Singer Alanis Morrisette has harnessed the power of YouTube to unleash her latest recording, a piano-y, ballad-y rendition of ... the Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps."

Hey, a song by the Black Eyed Peas
done by Alanis Morisette. Can it get any better than that?

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

P.S. to Pam (Sienna):

I've been sleeping at the switch, I think.

Did Alanis have her baby?