Monday, February 02, 2009

Kill that &*&^%$-ing Groundhog!



American groundhog
Stay away from me

American groundhog
Just let me be

I don't need no Punxsutawney Phil
All I got is a ten dollar bill.

Just stop hangin' round my door.
Don't want to see your shadow no more

American groundhog.
Stay away from me.

Wiarton Willie
You're a Canuck
Yeah, Woodrow Charles
You old Wood Chuck
Got your hippie glasses on
You've got a real gone scon

Wiarton Willie
Stay away from me.
Punxsutawney Philly
Take a vee

................

Six more weeks of winter.
Oh, after supper, motherChucker!
Ninety days so far of wind and snow.
Klondike Days over here
Fighting over the shoeleather.
My pal gets the upper and I always end up with the sole.
And the &*%ing bear comes over to eat us all.
Give this country back to the Indians.
Nine months of winter and three of bad skating weather.

February blues.
No more mouse in the apartment.
I think I ate it.
The little ofd lady next door has committed suicide by impaling herself with a dried mushroon. All she had to eat anyway.
The other lady, herself February blue, said she wants to commit homicide.
I am hoping i am not the homin she wants to cide.

People go nuts in February.
In Finland, where it is still dark, Olaf would not dream of drinking akvavit and driving his Volvo.
So he drives an icepick into his neighbour.
Had a yen for Sven.

Cabin fever
Here I sit.
All bunged up.
Can't even s..it.
Monday morning
Oh so blue
Hey motherChucker
Blame it all on you.

The grounhog saw his shadow today
I'm going courtin' Tina Fey.

Tina (Fey)lin
Remind me of Palin.
Got no itch
For the northern bitch.

Out, out the cat and that goddam Spot
Goin' somewhere
Where its hot, hot, hot.

41 comments:

Jo said...

We have rain on our palm trees here in Vancouver. It's supposed to go up to 50 degrees Fahrenheit tomorrow.

Why would anyone live anywhere else in Canada!?

Stay warm, Ivan! Be sure to keep your brass monkeys indoors. :-)

ivan@creatigvewriting.ca said...

Wilco!

Lana Gramlich said...

Shucks, you can't REALLY blame it on a varmint now, can you?

ivan@creativwriting.ca said...

Dang, some people want to ride a hog. I want to shoot one.

Midnight said...

Why do these bloody groundhogs only pop up once a year?
Are they hung like a field mouse, perchance?

And no, it doesn't really get THAT cold in Suthun' Ontario ... it's just a sympathy ploy....

Midnight said...

Of course, if you really need it, in Canada we have, field Moose.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Well, lately I seem to only pop up once a year.

Midnight said...

You may need to adjust your calendar,
to suit your delicate tastes.

From the web, earlier today :

'If we were meant to go Metric, then there would have been, ten Apostles.'

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Heh.

Also from internet:


COTFLGOHAHA Crawling on the Floor Laughing Guts Out and Having a Heart Attack
CSY

Midnight said...

On a serious note, Ivan, I haven't yet had the pleasure of reading John Updike. May I request one or three of your preferences?

I offer in return, the invitation to read Patrick O'Brian (beginning with 'Master and Commander'). British Naval history, life, and culture, based on true encounters.
Eleven years ago, I read his 17 novels, and decided, that if a movie ever came out, I wouldn't watch it, so as not to spoil the characters and story. And while I have caught several snippets on the TV, I still stand behind, my decision. Though I've been told that there are some powerful scenes, in the movie. I will see it eventually, but not yet.

Cheers!

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Updikes novel, Roger's Version, will bend your mind right around.
It's about an aging student who tries to prove the existence of God
while hooked up to the most powerful computer in the country.
For a while, through a rasher, he sees a hand, then a face. And then the flashed sign. NO HEAP.

Midnight said...

Thank you, Ivan.

Now, shrivel those timbers!

Midnight said...

Seriously, I'm not kidding 'bout Patrick O'Brian. His works are more than just battles ; he brings the early 1800's to life ; in a way, that has been suggested, no one else has.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Hear ya, but

Whoops.

Got me in my cups.

International drinking time.

I'm outta here.

Midnight said...

IDT. Yeah, I hear ya too.

Save no daylight ; ask nor give,
no quarter.

the walking man said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
the walking man said...

Phil from Punxsutawny saw his shadow and flexed his reputation brawny.
I give old Phil his due and used him in me mulligatawny stew.





I liked this better than the first deleted version

Midnight said...

Aw, the stew....

Which begs the question :

Is it better to toil, or to boil,
in obscurity? Tettering on the edge of oblivion, pondering one's eventual, encompassing taste.

If you're lucky, you'll be eaten by a Klingon.

Khap' La!

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Ivan tasted good.

Like a Wookie should.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Mark,

Im pretty sure you once rode a hog.

Hey, now you can eat one. :)

benjibopper said...

Brilliant!

(*^&in groundhogs.

Here's part of a story, called 'Natural Demise', set in NS, which I wrote recently, that relates:

"He plopped onto the couch and flipped on the sycophantic inanities of the evening news. The local cutely named groundhog, adorned in 19th-century top-hat, was predicting six more weeks of winter. Jim counted the people in the crowd surrounding Tatamagouche Tommy until he fell into a fitful sleep, one laced with dreams of sea turtles at Auschwitz. "

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Thanks, Benji.

Geez, I knew those Nazi cats scooped everybody.
They even corralled my father, but he somehow escaped.
His chambermate was a sea turtle?
...Couldn't get away fast enough, I guess.

Midnight said...

My Grandfather volunteered for the German Army, during WWII, hearing that the Soviets were forcibly drafting Ukrainian men, into their ranks. He chose to fight the Communists. He survived the war, but died before I was born.

My young father, stayed behind to take care of the family, but was scooped up by the Germans, and taken to Germany, as a slave labourer.

What a nasty war.

My Grandfather, served in the 14th Grenadiers, Waffen SS, later known as the First Ukrainian Division.

Google :

Brotherhood of Veterans of the 1st-Division of the Ukrainian
National Army.

Na Zdorovlia !

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

What's this?

Greetings from the 14th Panzer Division?

I can see why you drink, pal.

Midnight said...

Ivan,

Google it, if you please.

And read it, if you're interested.

Then, draw your conclusions.

Then, talk to me, if you wish.

And I am occasionally sober,
such as now.

Cheers !

the walking man said...

Phil his coat so tawny
predicted more snow
now covers
my shoulders so warmly

fucking rodent

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

:)

Watch it, Mark. The animal rights folks will getcha, and so will the Diners Club.

Mona said...

Yea...but don't send it to India...they will cook up & eat it too! :D

Ivanhoe...

I DID NOT write a 'wicked' 55ve this week you can Check it again!

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Mona,

I dasn't go into India jokes,but I have heard it said, that if you use a lot of curry...
Will check your "55".

Mona said...

I wonder how you can still stereotype jokes when boundaries are fast blurring...

about taste I feel...whether it is curry or cakes, it is only a matter of acquiring and developing...

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

We can all laugh at ouselves, probably for the first time in a long while.

Midnight said...

Hi Ivan, you up?

If you haven't already, I invite you to google/read at least the first part of that site, 'Statement of Purpose'.

It is Ukrainian history. And, after all, I'm just defending the honour and the memory of my Grandfather, and other Ukrainian men and women, who chose to fight for their freedom.

Like I said, I didn't have the chance to meet my Grandfather, but around twenty years ago, I met a night security man, a Gentleman of advanced years, in a building I was living in, at the time.

He also volunteered for the Division. His name was Eric. He was Lithuanian. He told me they ALL joined, to fight the Russians, rather than be 'conscripted' by them. Estonians, Latvians, Lithuanians, Poles, White Russians, and yes, even some Russians, volunteered. Those that were living in the Ukraine, joined together, in this Ukrainian Division, to fight the Communists. And he told me, that most of the medics, and almost ALL of the the doctors/surgeons, were Jewish.

Such is History.

Na Zdorovlia !

And, L'Chaim !

the walking man said...

"The Division was trained and became operational in 1944."

http://www.infoukes.com/galiciadivision/logusz/

"Since 2001, Father Desbois has led an historic undertaking. Using the Museum's archives to inform his search, he and his team have crisscrossed the countryside in Ukraine in an effort to locate every mass grave and site at which Jews were killed during the Holocaust. To date, they have identified approximately 800 of an estimated 2,000 such locations. They are marking these sites, collecting artifacts, and, most significantly, recording video testimonies from eyewitnesses, many of whom are speaking publicly for the first time."

http://www.pioneerlocal.com/evanston/lifestyles/trend/1362815,on-holocmus-121108-s1.article

#################################

While I am never inclined to indict the sons for the sins of the father it seems to me that there be some disparity here.

In the first article written as history and ending as defense of the Galacia brigade I took the one line and thought that maybe the author had left a word out...insert the word "fully" before operational.

The second is one recent report of the French Priest, Desbois, who has been finding hundreds of mass graves in the Ukraine. Buried in them it is supposed are not only Jews but other resident populations as well.

In further reading of testimony from survivors of that area who had been heretofore silent of their experiences, it is clear that the Ukrainian population was used by the SS to do the work of this extermination. And in fact it had become situation normal for the Nazi occupiers to begin occupation of a village or town with murder.

It is inconceivable to me that members of the German army, particularly the SS, no matter their ethnic make up did not participate.

1. It would have made the forming brigade hardened to death.

2. It would have been a test of loyalty to the Waffen SS.

I can see where possibly the more hesitant members of Galacia would have pulled the trigger only because there was a German gun aimed at their back, at first.

But I can not perceive in any case that the Galacia brigade is the innocent attempt of the Ukraine to build a usable military after the war. Especially since going in the formers of said brigade expressed the thinking that the German Army would ultimately lose the war, and knowing that the Russians were a vengeful lot.

In taking up arms I suppose they were trying to fight against a perceived future communist threat by aligning themselves with the non communist devil they knew but...once those arms were raised they were raised against all of the allied powers, not just the Russians.

Ergo the stated expectation of future American and British aid to stop the formation of the soviet empire was a foolish thought at best and duplicitous towards the Ukrainian people at worst.

I do wonder though how all of this regards that fucking rodent Phil who has made life miserably ill?

Midnight said...

No one is denying that atrocities didn't occur all over Europe. I have read, that in the Ukraine, some of the population pointed out Jews to the Germans, while others hid them, in their homes and farms, risking death themselves.

As for the above Division, it was cleared twice, of any wrongdoing, first by the Duschenes Commission (1986-Canada), and then by a panel headed by Justice Minister Anne McLennan (1998-Canada).

If you wish to read history selectively, filtered by your own preconceptions, then I cannot stop you. The information is out there, for all to see, and to decide for themselves.

eg.,
www.infoukes.com/galiciadivision/

(Back later this aft-evng.)

Midnight said...

Pardon me. Should read : Anne McLellan.

ivan@c reativewriting.ca said...

Or Anne McCaffrey?

This site is, after all, about creative writing, and not politics.

Politics is for ChuckerCanuck's blog where your atavar pops up quite a bit.

Midnight said...

Hello, again.

Hi, Ivan. I understand, and I meant no disrespect. My intention was to share a bit of Ukrainian history, and some personal family history, with you. It didn't even occur to me that it was *politics*. And since the integrity of my ancestors was questioned, I felt it was my duty to defend their honour and memory.

Cheers.

Midnight said...

And if Chucker doesn't want me commenting on his blog, or feels I comment too excessively for his tastes, then he will tell me.

Cheers.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

I guess Im from the old yippe-dippie generation, but here is somethng from Five Man Electrical Band;

"Signs, signs, everywhere signs
Can't you read the signs?"

Midnight said...

Ivan,

Prior to reading this, I posted a comment, on your new thread.

All I can say is, if you've got something to say to me, Sir, then just say it.

Thanks. And, Cheers!

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