Thursday, March 12, 2009

"I am famous "Polish' writer. Why you no invite me?

Letter to the Editor of the ERA, Newmarket, Ontario.

Hey Regional Chairman Bill Fisch!

They gave a a York Region Chairman,s dinner to support the arts and I wasn't invited?

I am your friendly down-home novelist, occasional politician and generally the fastest mouth in town.
My poetry graces (or defaces) many a town of Newmarket promotion flyer.
At the Newmarket Public Library, I just loom around, trying to look important. I have four book titles there. The novels are good because I tell everybody they are good. They believe me.

I am a fellow-traveller of the Newmarket Stage Company--and man, could they use support. They tried to hire me as PR rep, but they had no money to pay me; I settled for freebies at the snack bar which former director Ray Burdon operates to help pay the way. Fact is, they are very, very good, but they starve. Bailout package!. Bailout package! They need it more than I do!

I mean, I'm a character. Ask somebody.
Gad. This is sort of like the local Giller and nobody invited me. I had the tux from the Salvation Army. Alll dressed up annd nowhere to go!
Has the council no idea of the kind of person they ignore?
Are they blind, lazy or just stupid?
Says Hugh Grant, I am not one to blow my own horn, but.....
Well, I am a veritable Horatio.
Do a riff for you. Anything.
Just invite me next time.
Of late, I feel much extinguished.


Charles Gramlich said...

I keep telling people I'm famous too. But no one believes Me. said...


the walking man said...

I do believe that your invitation was to be forthcoming until they realized that the honorable Chairman Fisch would have been outshone in your brilliance.

Now if you had volunteered to work the snack table... said...


You have an uncanny ability to divine how things and people work;
100 per cent insight into this situation. Ya gotta meet Chairrman Fish, besides myself.
You should be a writer?

ea monroe said...

I like to walk around Wallymart and pretend I'm a "celebrity."

Want my autography? Sure, says the sales clerk at the register.

It's about time the arts received some grant money. I mean, we all can't be homeland terrorists? Or can we?

Where's my paintball gun?


Liz said...


Not sure what county you're in. There's gotta be an arts council.
Squeaky wheel gets the grease!
...But it's the damn forms. They confound me over here.
Hey, I can google Summer Doldrums, E.A. Monroe. You come out beautiful, of course, picture and all.
That's better than a basement exhibition, I think.
You might tell them all to get fuchsiaed one day. Splat 'em with the fuchsia coloured paint for good measure.

Donnetta Lee said...

Nothing like feeling extinguished. Maybe I fit into that category, too. D said...


You lit a fire in your comment space on your wicked 55!

JR's Thumbprints said...

Ivan, just crash those little get togethers with your pink boxers and shorts. Anything beats those tighty-whities. said...

Pretty in pink.

One must out-art 'em.

Oh, one is such a one! :)

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