Saturday, July 04, 2009

Hey Liz, thanks for sending the picture....I was out of ideas.



I used to pride myself on having the immune system of a starfish, chewing on rocks during the hard times--and still dumpster diving to this day just to keep my hand in.
Can't kill the habit, especially if I find a not- yet- stale- dated sirloin tip roast, all ten pounds of it spewed out of the maw of an automatic and ordinarily sealed dumpster.
Champion seagull figher. I can hear them squeaking, "F*ck-off! F*ck off!
Atavism. Never leave a tern unstoned. "Me f*c k off? You F*ck- off, you over-protected varmints. A man's gotta eat. Don't hang an albatross on me! You guys swarming the Swiss Chalet and Harveys eat better than I do. And Peerless Percy, the parking lot pigeon just shat on me..
It is still two weeks till payday and I won't take shit from anybody. Pigeons to base...you'd better!
Bird Man of Parking Lot. Jesus, a delivery truck just dropped four twine-bound roasts on the asphalt and the meat is so tightly wrapped that the seagulls can't get a beak in. food for a month!...And you guys aren't equipped by heredity to get at it!
Ah the gutter and other warm places.
But not so much now.
I think I've finally got it. Swine flu.
Impervious me? The digestive system of a starfish?

Yes you. What do you think you are, a starfish, a sea cucumber a sea urchin? Scientists have jerked off sea cucumbers for years trying to get at the DNA that makes them able to eat just about anything. Ask Dr. Suzuki, at one time, as a scientist, he had to jerk off many a sea urchin. Maybe hope for a cucumber of the sea!.. Sea urchins and sea cucombers. Fer their DNA.
Migod. Jacques Custeau aquatic child porn! Hope they were of age! Ever try to jerk off a plankton? They exhibit avoidance signs, some of them. Downright choosy!

In any event, I will dumpster dive no more, nor fight with seagulls.
I have developed a cought that will not go away.
Swine flu? I hope not.
Must have been those cigarette butts.
Lord, I gotta sell something as a writer. Gotta stop sarving. Maybe sell this, but who would take it?

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ivan...gotta keep the faith,kid,with your writing ventures...for anyone reading,note that Ivan is/was always far more than just a writer...Ivan saved my soul way back when we first formed the "Cavaliers"...he led us through all kinds of triumphs/firsts, and some really interesting times,from gigs to tv appearances,and even a run at recording,with Quality records,back when Canuck bands had to fight to breathe...[I remember they had to throw us out of the recording studio at a tv/radio station,in order to do the late nite news...we didn't finish until about three in the morning ]...when I was a high school kid,15 years old,in deep muddied waters,Ivan,you reached in and pulled me through all that crap,and gave me the gift of memories that can't be bought with money...you brought me to my first gibson les paul[ you said,"kid,you gotta get a better guitar to keep up with your fingers"]...right down to lending me your mint chevy,when I had no wheels,for my last big high school prom...even today,as I crank at my strat,"walk don't run",and "gypsy",to name a few,still run thru' my veins...and the energy of our group,along with the crazy times,including a fight with our drummer on the side of a road,in the dead of winter...later,the long road north to Haileybury for a big gig,and us being totally hammered...Eganville hotel,stoned and sideways,"Bobby McGee","Scotch and Soda",with most of the house band wanting to take off with us after we played for beer...North Bay...Hamilton tv...Ivan,you'll always be leader of the band...bud,if anyone deserves the big trip,you do...here's lookin' at you,kid...great friggin' memories...

Charles Gramlich said...

I guess the sea cucumbers are real fond of the scientists by now eh?

ivan@creaivewritng.ca said...

We go back a long way, T.

ivan@creativewritig.ca said...

Heaven forbid all those sea cucumblers should be on the beach in front of the Doctor's house at Kitsillano beach, waiting to be finished off."Oh David!"

the walking man said...

Go get yourself pinched, poked, prodded and, probed old man. You got me concerned now.

memories ain't worth a goddamn thing if you ain't around to share them.

Fucking pigeons anyway.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Mark,

I think I'll just do a Jim Croce and not look for time, but time in a bottle.
Nothing wrong with me that a 26-er of Smirnoff can't cure.

Thanks.

And Cheers!

Mona said...

O Dear, I hope not! Did you see the doctor?

I could be a mermaid...

Get well soon Ivan!

ivan@c reativewriting.ca said...

Hi Mona,

The cough is largely gone, but there is Woo! the mental hangover from the sickness right on this evning of full moon. I think I am growing flippers in a Captain Nemo fantasy.
Watch out for famous ecologist Dr. David Suzuki. I hear he has taste in women and, even for a scientist, has groupies.
He is especially fond of mermaids. Look out!

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