Saturday, September 12, 2009

Horse's Ass

To refuse a huge kid a cigarette after he had tried three others at the 404 Plaza bus shelter in Newmarket ON was to offer a life into somebody's hands. I was standing outside and behind the glass shelter, hoping the mooch would not spot me. But he was going through nicotine withdrawal and hard on his quest, no matter how invisible I tried to make myself..He saw me through the glass all the same. Ah a victim.
For me, it had had been a frustrating day starting with a library clerk's refusal of help with e-mail account that I was trying to set up. "We're not allowed to do that..." I'm thinking, Well, then what are you allowed to help with? You're all computer literate and I just wanted to ask some questions. What was the problem?
She just stonewalled me. What the hell. There seemed to be menopause all over the library, as all the women working there were about the same age--about 52. There are no men. And the gals aready seemed to have senior moments, seemingly deliberately not understanding, and almost asking "What do you not understand about my not understanding?"--like that. Like an obtuse girlfriend I once had. Seems the job and the sytsem was the thing. You were a mere patron... And the clock was right there on the wall.
I went ouside for a smoke, but here more aggravation... Why was everybody out to f*ck me today? Maybe it was I who had the problem.
In front of the library there had been the usual homeless people who had already hit me for cigarettes. Three in a row, as if they were playing a game. So they nailed me again. Got a live one. Piece of pie. Sucker.

So later at the bus stop, I was "mooched out" and in no mood to volunteer a cigarette to the new moocher at the Plaza.
I just said to the moocher at the shelter, "Go away."

"Go away? You're telling me to go away, you little faggot?
"All you had to say was no!"
He aims a karate kick at me. Luckily, I had been standing a litle behind the glass bus shelter and had moved behind a big concrete trash receptacle for protection.
Seeing now that I was "dug in", he re-enters the bus shelter proper and tries a couple more people No luck. He turns to peer at me again, this time through glass. Unfortunately, he could see that I had jus butted a cigarette.

"Faggot!. Pussy!".
Frustrated, he aims a kick at me right through glass. almost bringing the shelter down around him and other wating passengers.
This was going to be a really bad day.

He exits the shelter and faces me again over the trash bin that acted as my Maginot Line.
"All you had to say was no," you little pussy. I've got half a mind to take your cigarettes away from you."

This is making me nervous.
"I'm going to call a cop."
"Go ahead and call a cop. Call two cops."
I pretend to reach for my cell phone, which I don't really have.
He aims another kick at me. I step back behind the trash can."All you had to say was no, ya little pussy."

But my fake cell phone ruse slows him down a bit.
He reenters the shelter, gives it another kick, again almost bringing the glass cage down, and talks to a girl who had been holding his own cell phone, he having cleared the decks for action, aparently action on me.

Clear and present danger. He is going off into another rant. I could see his lips cursing through the parallax. Said he was going to dismmber me. Seemed to me dismemberment was not an option. What is the matter with kids today? He was probably not only out of cigarettes, but out of crack as well.

...Time to make my exit, better a missed bus than losing freshly fixed teeth.
As I walk slowly away, I hear, "Yeah, you're going to call the cops. Call the cops you little faggot. Pussy!"

It's a good thing we have a functioning police department, but there had hardly been any time. I walked away backwards, like a gunfighter out of a saloon.
I was glad to just reach the shelter of the Swiss Chalet Restaurant where there were people and a phone.
I didn't bother phoning.
I just walked home.
Funny things happen when you're tired and trying to find your way home. Or a new email account.


Midnight said...

Ivan, I've never met you in person, but, do you sport a moustache?

The ancient Persians (and perhaps latter ones) believed that men without moustaches looked ridiculous. I tend to agree. For me, it's not even a Kozak thing ; for me, it is a matter of personal style. Of course, I also tend to wear mostly black and blood red (Airborne Maroon), also as a personal thing (and for some reason, half of the Women that I've met in my life really think that THEY are Vampires). No doubt a coincidence ; I only treat the good ones, to my attempts at poetry, which to them is heavenly, of course. My point is, the way one carries oneself, often determines the bullshit one gets into. This was not meant to be demeaning. And while I smoke, it is never, or rarely in public : only after a few or more drinks, or after a wee spliff. Nevertheless, riding public transit can apparently be unnerving. You may wish to wear dark sunglasses all day, resurrect an old Biker jacket, and reply to any and all inquiries with a heavy German accent. Assuming you are still able to sport a moustache. Trim is in.

"Nice to meet you ; aww about a light?"
Or, "Get ouut!"

The best thing, is just to stare at any potential troublemaker, and not say a word.

Or, just give him a smoke.

I've mentioned martial arts in the recent past ; what it teaches you, is, that knowing you can win any confrontation, you don't need to constantly prove yourself. This comes in handy, especially when your opponent may be armed with a handgun. Too many men have died, trying to prove that they are men.

Anyway, you've made it this far, so you obviously don't need any advice from me. But if you don't already wear black, then you should. We all should. It's cooler near the lake.

Na Zdorovlia!

ivan said...

Have you noticed, that when you visit any library or primary school in Ontario that moustache wax is extremely unpopular?

Mona said...

Funny, how menopause sounds like a men's thing :D . Men o pause all over the library is like saying 'men who have paused for effect' . ( Don't worry about what I am saying, I utter nonsense when I am working my mind on words that sound like blasphomy :D)

That kids seemed to be finding a justification or seeking a reason to rob you of your cigarettes , that is if he could have managed to have done so.

Horse's ass, my foot, This is 'PURE' horse's shit!

Charles Gramlich said...

A bit of an adventure there. not a pleasant one. Glad you made it through intact.

TomCat said...

But he was going through nicotine withdrawal and hard on his quest, no matter how invisible I tried to make myself..He saw me through the glass all the same. Ah a victim.

Ivan, in thwe 2 1/2 nlocks between my door and the bus stop, if I dcon't get asked half a dozen times, it's a slow day. Is it true that in Canada, buying a carton cannot be done without taking out a second mortgage on your house?

ivan said...

Love ya for your ideas, Mona.

And congratulations on the glamorous Tourism PR job that you have just been awarded!

ivan said...


At seventy, you don't want to score any ego satisfaction against some 6' 8" 20-year-old lout.

ivan said...

It's true, Tom.

Eleven bucks a pack is certainly an exorbitant price, and one-armed- bandit taxation on a perfectly legal product is no fair to tobacco users.
Generally, it's the poor who smoke. End up paying triple taxes.

robert said...

Just wonder whether there weren't any other people around, looking/seeing the behaviour of this kid without telling him to stop.
Glad though that he left 'into the small hole he probably came out of'.
A weekend filled with peace and an account to you.

ivan said...

Thanks, Robert.

The others were terrified, I think, including the girl who seemed to be with him. He just about demolished the glassed shelter with his kicking.

Jo said...

Yes, I'm wondering what Robert said. Where was everyone else!? Gawd, nowadays, these creeps carry guns!

ivan said...

No sense of history.

And that godawful sharecropper rap in their earphones advocating exactly that kind of behaviour.

the walking man said...

I guess you have to dress and look like you have nothing of worth. Smoke only in places where you can not be observed.

I think the best defense though in that situation is not in saying go away but rather in saying, I got none brother but can you spare me some change so I can get high?

ivan said...


The asshat probably gets more money, with social support and "disability" for his habit than I make.
So I buy my smokes from the Indians and shop at the Sally Ann, look too good, and he thinks I'm Bill Gates.
Small wonder people have to dress down nowadays and drive Korean cars so they won't get, not to disparage Korean cars. :)

Midnight said...

Ivan, I'd be almost afraid to wonder, what they wax in libraries and public schools these days. Nevertheless, when drinking, I really should STFU, instead of posting comments. Thank you for your tolerance. Of course, like 'staring into the eyes of the Sun', 'that's where the fun is'.

Na Zdorovlia! (Nice driveway.)

ivan said...


See my illustration at the very top of this blog to get Woodstock talking to Snoopy.

TomCat said...

Eleven bucks a pack is certainly an exorbitant price, and one-armed- bandit taxation on a perfectly legal product is no fair to tobacco users.
Generally, it's the poor who smoke. End up paying triple taxes.

Here it's only a little over $5 and we're bitching.

ivan said...


There is a Private Members Bill before the provincial (State) Legislature in Ontario to stop the unfair taxation of tobacco products.
Private Members Bills usually get shot down, but it's a start anyway.
What the Federal and Provicial (State) governments don't realize is that everybody goes to the local Reservation now to get cigarettes at 1/1o cost and it's driving the tax collector crazy...The greedy politicos have brought it onto themselves with this unfair taxation of a legal product.

the walking man said...

$2.00 a a pack STATE tax on cigarettes in MI add on the federal and STATE sales taxes 2/3 of a pack of cigarettes is taxes. Seems to me that an tax targeting a specific population just isn't right. Seems to me non smokers should be taxed for every smoke free breath, that would about even things out eh?

ivan said...



And the goody-two shoes seem to now get lung cancer at abot the same rate as the smokers. Damn junk science, the WHO and the EPA.

TomCat said...

Next, they want to tax fast foods to fight obesity. Taxing is not the answer to the problem. If I had access to a program to help me stop, I'd gladly try it out.

ivan said...


I suppose eating and even breathing is addictive. The're already taxing the one and they'll surely have an exygen use tax next...That's if they left you any oxygen with their polluting.