Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I'm a poet, I know it. I think I'm gonna blow it

A toxic teacher at Ryerson U, for some arcane reason of his own, kept handing my copy, rejecting a lot of it, and telling me, "You're all talent and no judgment."

Maybe he was right. Here is a poem I just pulled out of my back pocket.

Beware of Mary, wicked lass
She won't show you much money
But she'll invite you to her place
To feed you gin and honey

But you're simple Slavic guy
You don't ask at all the why
And you just jabber and spill your mind
What revelry this is, you say.

And you're simple Ukie dude
And your behaviour is so rude
Come from Alberta, bubbling crude
You need to caper, to be lewd.

You think you're great,
a boozy lecher
As on the couch you start to stretch her
You, poor old idiot savant
Who's spouting Socrates and Kant.

But Mary's foils are suble, sly
And you're a pretty simply guy
Despite your grandeur, oh so Slavic
And you free speech polysyllabic.

"Get off me you thin social climber.
Upon this Wasp you'll never lie
You mixed up idiot savant
Who's spouting Socraties and Kant.

"And here's your raincoat and your shoes
Thoughfully picked by laber, Hart.
Youre aspirations can be seen
You're really not that fuggin' smart."

So if you're ever down at Mary's
And social climbing is your game
give up those foible, feints and ploys
You'll end up drinking with the boys.

...Odd things are produced when your are out of cigarettes and booze...Hell, and even cooze. :)



TomCat said...

I don't understand some of the references, but the meter is excellent. :-)

ivan said...


I think the poem harkens back to another time, when to be ethnic was to be no-goodnick.
This, of course has changed maybe even become distorted in maddeningly correct Canada.
I really think I liked it better the old way. Straight out bias. Language full of euphemisms now. And I have joined THEM. Strange that now as a white male, I am again held as the enemy in educational circles. Move out of one prejudicial box to another. People now consider me white Anglo-Saxon, and therefore some kind of enemy.
O Canada.

Charles Gramlich said...

Roses are red
violets are blue
that poem
really is you.

ivan said...

Funny thing, Charles.

Other people had said that when another version of this same appeared in some of the university mags quite some time ago. Heh.

the walking man said...

Dude she simply wanted to get laid not to have a philosophy lesson. I would say you screwed yourself. ha ha ha ha ha ha

ivan said...

Heh. I do that a lot, Mark.

Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...


I never thought of you a poet. Wonder why that is. I guess I am just use to your pieces that rant and make my spin to a point where it can actually think.

I miss writing. I miss letting loose the words that often float around in my mind and cannot see to find the right door to which they can escape,

Where does the mind go when it has so much to say and doesn't know where or who it should go to in order to speak?

"Let me jump into the apple trees, slide down that rainbow and find your cellar door and if I do, will we be jolly friends forever more?"

Soft love,

ivan said...


Where indeed does the mind go when it has so much to say and doesn't know where, or to whom it should go in order to speak?

Feel that way a lot. A firehose of words that is plugged at the end...Frustrating.
...So though extreme fitness or some drug like alcohol, I sometimes manage to clear the logjam.
Writer's block, don't we all suffer from it at times?

Beth Dunn said...

I love it! xoxo

ivan said...

Beth Dunn.

Thank you.

Funny that in my poem, the guy is a Slavic social climger, and it just happened that you published a book, The Social Climbers. Congrats on that.

er, any relation to Ron Dunn the late iconic science fiction writer?

Donnetta Lee said...

Just pulled it out of a back pocket, huh? Maybe that's what I need. A back pocket! D

ivan said...


I kinda like Alanis Morisette's old song,

"I got one hand in my pocket
And the other is hailing a taxicab."

Mama Zen said...

That is hilarious!

ivan said...

Thank you, Mama Zen. Thrilled to have someon who has been on daytime TV as a guest to comment in this space.

Keep pushing to get on Oprah. She simply must have you on before she quits.

Erik Donald France said...

"Caper" as a verb is so excellent. Caper on, man! Worhty of a Woody Allen flick, certainly ;->

ivan said...

Eric Donald France,


Caper. I hope they don't see me from San Francisco. I'd probably get a
"You- Hoo!" :)

Middle Ditch said...

Nice one

ivan said...

Thank you, Lady.

JR's Thumbprints said...

Ahhh yes, a performance poet in a raincoat.

Mona said...

I assure you that I have produced many such a whimsical pieces , mostly in Hindi. :) They make a great 'laughter comedy'

ivan said...


Ya gotta have the outfit, the raincoat, the false pantlegs and the attitude. And elan.
Then you open the raincoat, and, Flash. :)

ivan said...

Hi Mona.

Yes. In Hindi, Urdu, Pashtun or English with a touch of Browning.
Good for a laugh. Puts an editor in a good mood for publishing.

Amo ergo sum said...

very nicely written, thank you

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