Tuesday, February 23, 2010

WHEREIN THE "TECH" PROFESSOR HAS TROUBLE WITH HIS SHIFT LEVER MECHANISM



EXT. NIGHT.
THEY ARE NOW IN FRONT OF THE NEAT WHITE COTTAGE IN HOLLAND LANDING. THERE IS A WEEPING MOCK CYPRESS TREE TO EACH SIDE OF THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE. THE PROFESSOR AND CELIA WALK ALONG STAGE LEFT OF THE HOUSE, AVOIDING THE FRONT DOOR. THEY ENTER THE COTTAGE FROM THE REAR.

FADE TO:

INT. NIGHT
CELIA AND THE PROFESSOR ARE
INSIDE THE WOODY, DANISH-
STYLE LIVING ROOM OF THE WELL APPOINTED HOUSE, WITH ITS OAKEN WALLS, ITS MILLET AND CEZANNE PRINTS AND ITS FILLIGREE TAPESTRY.

THE PROFESSOR AND CELIA CLOSE THE REAR DOOR AND SEAT THEMSELVES ON THE BY-NOW-FAMILIAR C-SHAPED CHESTERFIELD.

CELIA
Want a drink?

PROFESSOR
Yeah, could I use one! Comedy of errors. Car breaking down three times. Good thing we found that Italian mechanic. Jesus. What a night....Give it to us. We'll screw it up!

CELIA PEERS A LITTLE CLOSELY AT THE PROFESSOR, ALMOST A FIXED STARE AS SHE GOES TO THE GLASS LIQUOR CABINET.


CELIA

Are you hungry, David?
No?
Well, let's just keep drinking.

THE PROFESSOR PEERS AROUND. STAND UP.LOOKS INTO ONE BEDROOM TO THE LEFT OF THE HALLWAY LEADING TO THE BATHROOM. THERE IS ANOTHER BEDROOM TO THE RIGHT. THERE IS APPARENTLY NO ONE ELSE IN THE HOUSE... HE HAD FEARED THERE WOULD BE. HE TAKES CELIA'S PROFFERED DRINK AND SITS DOWN, CELIA SOON JOINING HIM WITH HER OWN WINEGLASS.
.
THE PROFESOR PUTS HIS DRINK ON THE COFFEE TABLE. HE LEANS BACK.

CELIA HAS PUT HER OWN DRINK ON THE END TABLE TO THE LEFT OF THE CHESTERFIELD.

SHE SUDDENLY, UNEXPECTEDLY, PUTS UP HER DRINK, MOVES TO KNEEL IN FRONT OF THE PROFESSO, LIKE A MADONNA IN SKIN-TIGHT DESIGNER JEANS.
SHE IS VERY LOVELY WITH HER BLONDE CORNROW HAIR, WHICH CASCADES DOWN TO HER SLIGHT SHOULDERS UNDER WHITE SILK BLOUSE.
IT IS AN EROTIC ACT.
SLIGHTLY STARTLED BY THE UNEXPECTEDNESS OF THE MOVE, THE PROFESSOR EVER- SO - GENTLY PUSHES HER AWAY. BUT SHE WILL NOT DESIST. MILDLY REBUKED,SHE STANDS UP NOW TO PUSH THE PROFESSOR ONTO HIS BACK AND BEGINS A PROCESS ESQUIRE MAGAZINE MIGHT CALL A LESBIAN DRY-HUMP.

THE PROFESSOR IS BECOMING HEATED. HE GETS INTO THE SCENE, CRADLES CELIA'S HEAD IN HIS RIGHT ARM WHILE HIS LEFT HAND MOVES TOWARDS THE TIGHT DESIGNER ZIPPER ON THE FRONT OF HER DUNGAREES, BUT ONLY GETS THE JEANS PART-WAY DOWN, TO GIVE CELIA THE LOOK OF WEARING HIP-HUGGERS.
CELIA'S LOVELY, LUTE-SHAPED DERIERRE IS NOW PLAIN TO THE AUDIENCE, AND IT IS OBVIOUS THAT THE PROFESSOR, WORKING AT THE FRONT OF HER, HAS FOUND THE OBJECT OF HIS DESIRE. HE SEEMS TO BE FONDLING CELIA WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HE NOW LEANS OVER HER.

CELIA

You're pretty smooth".

CELIA HAS TAKEN TO BE VERY STILL.
NOW THE PROFESSOR AGAIN TRIES TO GET CELIA OUT OF HER SKINTIGHT JEANS. HE IS VERY AWKWARD.HE FIRST UNSNAPS THE STUD TO HER JEANS. BUT THEY WILL NOT ROLL DOWN FROM HER HIPS. HE GIVES A TUG.
NO LUCK. SHE IS NOW HALF LYING AND HALF SEATED. THE POURED-ON JEANS WILL NOT COME OFF.
.
THE PRFESSOR, A LITTLE MADDENED, NOW TRIES TO REMOVE HER JEANS BY TUGGING FROM THE CUFF ENDS.

CELIA FALLS TO THE FLOOR,SHE REACHES FOR HER BELTLINE, NOW SOMEWHAT DESPERATELY TRYING TO SNAP BACK THE STUD TO HER JEANS.

THE PROFESSOR STOOPS DOWN TO HER, HIS ARM NOW AROUND CELIA. HE LIFTS HER BACK ONTO THE COUCH.

PROFESSOR:

How drunk are we?

.
THEY BOTH NOW SIT ON THE CHESTERFIELD. BUT NOW CELIA, A LITTLE CRAZY, IS AT HIM AGAIN, DRY HUMPING THE POOR DRUNKEN LOTHARIO.
THE PROFESSOR IS NOW IN HIGH HEAT. HE HAS HIS BACK TO THE AUDIENCE, BUT IT IS OBVIOUS THAT CELIA IS MASTURBATING HIM.
SHE STOPS. THEY BOTH TURN. SHE AND THE PROFESSOR ARE NOW SITTING DOWN AGAIN, FACING THE AUDIENCE.

PROFESSOR:
Oh!

SUDDENLY FROM CELIA:

Come in your drawers, Prof?

PROFESSOR, NOW TAKEN UP WITH THE COMEDY OF TYHE SITUATION

The Ice Man Cometh.

CELIA

Humour during sex becometh not.

CELIA, NOW RISING FROM THE COUCH:

You'll have to excuse me for a minute.

PROFESSOR
Yeah, me too. Going to have to use your washroom.

THERE IS A BIG WET STAIN DOWN THE FRONT OF THE PROFESSOR'S PANTS.


LIGHTS: DIM

BEAT

LIGHTS BACK UP.
MUSIC IN BG: THERE IS NOW BACH CHORALE MUSIC

MUSIC:UP.


SEGUE TO:

THE PROFESSOR HAS UNDRESSED CELIA. THEY ARE SOMEHOW LIKE TEENAGERS. DRUNK. HARDLY AWARE OF WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
SHE HAS HER FOREHEAD AGAINST THE PROFESSOR"S FOREHEAD. THEY ARE PLAYING CARTOON EYES.
HE IS OVER HER. THEIR FOREHEADS ARE LOCKEd THEY STARE INTO EACH OTHER'S EYES.

CELIA
Do I remind you of your wife?

PROFESSOR
Yes, yes, very much.

HE DRAWS BACK A LITTLE. REACHES FOR HIS DRINK.
HE ALMOST SPITS IT OUT.


PROFESSOR
Hey, what's in this?

CELIA
Just vodka.

THE PROFESSOR TAKES ANOTHER SIP--AND SUDDENLY APPEARS TO LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS.

HE LIES SUPINE ON THE CHESTERFIELD.
CELIA GOES INTO HER BEDROOM, COMES BACK WITH A SYRINGE, ROLLS UP THE PROFESSOR'S SLEEVE, AND INJECTS HIM.

....end scene

13 comments:

Donnetta Lee said...

Whew! D

Charles Gramlich said...

I just read an article on playwriting in Choice Words. I'm beginning to think about trying my hand at something like that myself, although I'm sure I'll be abysmal at first.

ivanl@creativewriting.ca said...

Donnetta,

The writer who names herself Sex Scenes at Starbucks on Charles' or Bernita's blog has never commented here.
...But it looks as if I did produce Something like Sex Scenes at Starbucks today. Whee.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Charles,

Why, sure, give it a try.

My own second draft, up here is kinda abysmal.

I got an eerie feeling as I was writing it.
Makes me think of what you have just said in your own blog about Lorca and playwriting.
Jarman on Lorca:
In this piece, Jarman, talks about the “duende.” The duende is one of three parts of an artist’s inspiration (the other two are the muse and the angel), as proposed by the Spanish poet and playwright Lorca. The duenda is “a dark, sudden, Dionysiac inspiration that rises up from sources too deep to be grasped logically… The duenda wounds.”

I swear while I was writing the current blog, the duenda had seized me by the pudenda.

Mona said...

I like the expression 'poured on jeans' :)

Do they really do porn on stage too?

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Hi Mona.

About porn on stage.

I guess the local theatre director knew I might be up to scurrilous copy. "Don't send me any porn, Ivan!"

Oh-oh.

Mona said...

O well, if we go by Shakespeare's definition, " all world is a stage and all men actors" then why should it be surprising at all that there is porn on the stage!

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

I forget which 19th century Englishman said "nothing human is alien to me."
But then he must have been the supreme liberal.
There are people (Leonard Bernstein?) who believe the serpent in the garden has a punk haircut and tattoos and he can bring the whole world of art down.

the walking man said...

I am a man: I hold that nothing human is alien to me.
Terence Roman comic dramatist (185 BC - 159 BC)


The scene unfolds easily enough, the stage well set and the direction terse enough (though a bit too many adjectives for stage direction)

I was laughing as the professor tried, fruitlessly to undress Celia. That is one hell of an entertaining situation for an audience to witness.

The old randy professor now not only is addicted to Celia she wants to ensure that she doesn't travel through her own addiction alone, and without some sort of harbor. Again a hell of a thing for the audience to witness the train wreck happening as they watch, plays really well to the voyeur within us all.

This could easily be entitled Misery Loves Company.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

OMG

Thank you so much, Mark!

sex scenes at starbucks said...

Picked this up on Google alerts. I have now officially commented here. :)

ivan@ceativewriting.ca said...

Hi Starbucks.

I don't know if I picked out your catchy monicker over at Charles' or Bernita's or Mark's blog, but its sort of like the strangely iconic Sarah Palin--you can't ignore an avatar like that.
So what do I do here? I write sex scenes...for the sake of art, you understand. :)

Anonymous said...

Not sure where to post this but I wanted to ask if anyone has heard of National Clicks?

Can someone help me find it?

Overheard some co-workers talking about it all week but didn't have time to ask so I thought I would post it here to see if someone could help me out.

Seems to be getting alot of buzz right now.

Thanks