Sunday, May 16, 2010

Pimp my write





Durn. I did it again.

Wrote what I thought was a blog full of ubanity and wit, including references to myself as The Scarlet Pimpernell of publishing and zog! Lost the whole thing in cyberpace.

A monomaniac, I wrote the column again from scratch--is it my pinky hitting the wrong spaces?-- and lost it again.

I remember my days in Air Force basic training.

Sgt: "Buck up, f*ck-up!"

Well, at least the F*ck-up has some pictures--actually a great one of a l790 Scarlet Pimpernell. Ooh. Simply!
But my intention, really was to be a book pimp.

No, not a Detroit pimp--Sorry Mark I really meant to talk about your book, but I found something on the internet that was hilarious. To wit:

Dwayne pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne's $800 per day crack habit?

I digress, but I'm still chuckling over that one.

Anyway my vanished blog was about pimping books.
My friends' books and one of my own.

I lost the damn blog to do with this, but you can at least check out the artwork above.

--Ivan

23 comments:

Mona said...

where do the vanished blogs go?

Anyway, the buck up fuck up sucks!

Pimping books is fine by me!

Charles Gramlich said...

There's a lesson in there somewhere but I'm afraid if I find it it wll apply to me.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Mona,

I think it was insufficient heap or something on the blogs. They are gone forever, though I have the first tentative drafts.

As for the sergeant, I got cute with him and went into a line from Tom Brown's School days after Tom got a caning:

"Thank you sir. Please, may I have another?"

...I had to give him 20.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Oh if ya got it, flaunt it!

the walking man said...

Each ho has to turn 5 tricks because they got to get their fix and food too.

You by the way weren't typing for Wall Street during last weeks flash crash were you Ivan.

and finally

thank you.

ivan@c reativewriting.ca said...

Hi Mark,

Just got the news. Looks like in Detroit, they are really serious about bulldozing Dwayne's bailiwick. I thought you were just writing for effect in your blog. That, or you're a prophet, and who says you ain't.
I think I know how I lost the blogs. I commented on something TomCat wrote in his space, tried to italicise a word or two in his comment space and bang. Insufficient heap on my side. The "i" sign and nothing else.

The Wall Street glitch crash.
Yeah. Funny. It happened at about the same time as my glitch. I got talent!
No problem with pimping your book, STINK: Prose and Poetry of Detroit.
When I used to play snooker, my cronies would hold their nose and point to the guy who was on an unnatural roll.
Shit luck.
My mother has always held that if you dream of shit, it's money.

TomCat said...

LOL, Ivan. He knew you. ;-)

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

TomCat,

Seriously, isn't he just such a one?

ivan@creativewritng.ca said...

BTW,

TomCat,

Just because I find some Detroit jokes funny, I am not a Rand Paul supporter.
This Senate cadidate appears to me serious and seems to me very nearly racist.
And the worst of it here in Canada, our CBC seems to be devoting a lot of air time to to Rand Paul.

The CBC, once considred "commie" now touting teabaggers? Have they lost their minds?

--Ivan

Mona said...

IVAN!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO MARK!!!!!

ivan said...

Yeah, Mona.

The Walking Man's site is dead in the water. I am concerned, as probably are hundreds who are no doubt peppering Mark with email today. What up?

Here is what I sent Mark this morning.

----- Original Message -----
From: Ivan Prokopchuk
To: Mark Durfee
Sent: Thursday, May 20, 2010 10:51 AM
Subject: not on air


Mark

What up?

I woke up with a twinge of something and found MIA on your blog.
I have certainly thought of quitting, many times.So has Josie and the others.

Bad night at the coffee house?

You have been going flat out for at least two years with your mini-masterpieces. Superhuman, actually.

Hard to keep the pace up, I know.

Hope it's temporary, as it often is.

Ivan

Erik Donald France said...

Man, appreciate the thought. My father dismisses everything that has gone wrong after 2000 as "Cyber."

ivan said...

Erik Donald France,

I think your father is right.

His and my generation were familiar with the naturalist author Rachel Carson (of Silent Spring) where she said we are about to abandon a beautiful planet and the mysteries of Earth for a virtual planet--and just a web page for the Universe? :-)

benjibopper said...

the artwork is cool, but i wanna know more about these books! gotta link at least?

Speaking of books, I got yours in the mail - complete with a character-building scent of stale ciggies - and am most grateful. I sent back a cheque for 20 bones and I hope you got her.

ivan@c reativewriting.ca said...

Benji,

My uh, magnum opus is not online yet.

It is available on Ontario inter-library loan. Maybe we can connect to Nova Scotia. Title is The Black Icon. It is available through the Newmarktet and Aurora, Ontario, Public Libraries. In the meantimes, I will link you to a couple of chapters of the Icon anyway.

Oh lord. Starving writer syndrome.

So glad you are sending the double sawbuck for Light Over Newmarket. Rent time, and I just made it with that :)
Thanks

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Mona,

Mark The Walking Man is alive and well. He's just sort of, uh, stopped.

Mona said...

Thanks for the information Ivan. I got a note from him too...

TomCat said...

:-O You mean you are not a fan of Teabuggery? ;-)

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

As you know, teabaggery (buggery?) is not a spontaneous movement by the people. It is corporate- sponsored, and dare I say, pretty oily!

ivan said...

This just in from Benjibopper:

Hi folks, My latest column is up at http://www.thecoast.ca/halifax/protect-the-fish/Content?oid=1652665. It's about marine protected areas, how they could help marine life and the fisheries, and why Canada is so far behind in doing so.

Happy reading,
Chris
--
Chris Benjamin
Freelance/Creative Writer
902-407-2433

Chris Benjamin is the Sustainable City Columnist for The Coast (www.thecoast.ca). In 2006/2007 he worked as a journalist in Ghana. His first novel will be published by Roseway in Fall 2010. His first book of nonfiction will be published by Nimbus in Fall 2011. Chris has written fiction and features for The Toronto Star, VoicePrint Canada, This Magazine, Now Magazine, Descant, Third Person Press, Nashwaak Review, Pottersfield Press, Rattling Books, The Society, University of Waterloo Press, Z Magazine, Briarpatch Magazine, The Chronicle Herald, Coastlands, Progress Magazine, and many others.

http://www.chrisbenjaminwriting.com
http://twitter.com/benjaminwrites

JR's Thumbprints said...

Ivan, Would you please send back the missing Math textbook page? My students can't learn without it.

ivan said...

JR,

I guess I did take a page from your students' book with my math example.
I'm sure they're all gwine say, "Gimme back."

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