Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Nut Bolts and Screws (almost)




Those of you who may have read the more interesting parts of Wuthering Heights--and are there any parts that aren't interesting?--may have come across the sickly Character of Hareton, who trundles around like an old TV dinner tray; he has trouble even sitting on the ground, let alone standing up...

Well, I have been Hareton this week. Trouble walking. Certainly running. Also a dizzy bastard. I should add, dizzy old bastard.
Part if the dizziness probably comes from the high octane beer I have been using to make up for the missing IV's--in both arms-- that I had unilaterally removed at the hospital."You can't do that!" the nurses had protested as I ran off, almost in my gown, all the way home to have a smoke and a drink...I spent half the night with a friend in a glass overcoat, worrying about police and men in white coats come to get me.
As in the headline joke about the madman, "Nut bolts and screws!"
...Last part would have been hard to do as I swear I still had half a catheter in there.
Beautiful hospital. Lovely, caring nurses. Great doctors.
But what. No booze? No cigarettes?...They had to have been kidding!
Did they not know I have been using my body as a theme park these last sixty years and that I had no idea that I would ever get this old...And this sick?

I am today trying to think of good things about old age.
Are there any?
The only saving graces are periods of incredible clarity in the dizziness and disorientation.
Surely it must be the company of Pierre Smirnoff.
At least, he got me to write somethin'.

...Had to be careful. I almost set this down in Russian!

19 comments:

the walking man said...

Yeah there is a benefit to being old...you can say exactly whats on your mind and people will just think you're old and nuts. so tell it like it is old man!

Charles Gramlich said...

A theme park. I like that. but hell man, isn't it hard to get all the gum off the machinery after a while? :)

ivan@creativewriting.ca: said...

Mark,

I don't know how I got this old and still more or less in one piece.
...It certainly was not from years of self-denial. :)

ivan@creativewriting.ca: said...

Charles,

So much traffic along this old machine that Computer Brain gets gummed up with Tiny Brain...Gotta pull a lever or something.

Anonymous said...

nuts bolt,find sustenance in getting scrod...

ivan@creativewriting.ca: said...

T,

I don't make it wish scrod or other seafood. But it's that tantalizing choosy plankton that bedevils me! :)

Anonymous said...

and there I thought it was the pluperfect subjunctive that was causing all the confusion...must admit that plankton is a bit kinky for me...I draw the line at calamari...

ivan@creativewriting.ca: said...

Yeah,

I won't say I would kill for krill.

Mona said...

Ditto here ( Except the hospital part) I have been sick too for almost a month now...

benjibopper said...

and I thought I was old, especially when I learned Kurt Cobain died 17 yrs ago this week!

I agree with Mark - you don't need to BS anymore. Kippis, as the Finns say.

JR's Thumbprints said...

Hang in there, Ivan. Sorry I haven't been around much; I'm not even home much either. I've been experiencing my own "Withering" height lately. I've discovered that the smaller I get, the less important I become.

ivan@creativewriting.ca: said...

JR,

Welcome back.
Ah those separation- anxiety blues.
...Been there as an ex-pat prof in Mexico...Unlike you, I couldn't even teach any more with that Dear John and the resulting pain.

Work and live in the pain industry! :)

ivan@creativewriting.ca: said...

Mona,

Sorry to hear about the illness, dear.

I'm starting to see what that's like.

Take care.

ivan@creativewriting.ca: said...

Benji,

Yep. Kurt Cobain, master of grunge.

...But have you seen his wife on TV lately?...I think she's just out of a Hole.

ivan@creativewriting.ca: said...

Mona,

Sorry to hear about the illness....I guess right now we can link pinkies. :)

Anonymous said...

Hi folks,

I have a short news piece in this week's Coast about Nova Scotia's possible violation of demolition rules, which could in time poison an urban farm: http://www.thecoast.ca/RealityBites/archives/2011/04/07/is-future-urban-farm-site-contaminated

Also, I got to do a guest post at Book Madam, a very popular Canadian book blog. You can see my post, Every Story is Political, at http://bookmadam.squarespace.com/salty-ink/2011/4/6/guest-blog-chris-benjamin.html.

Lastly, the trailer for Drive-by Saviours has hit 1,000 views, which is really not bad for a DIY no-budget production. But I'd love it if you took another look: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COQ1KYZUY-g.

Happy Friday!
Chris

plumbing supplies said...

Even though the climate outside is frightfully cold and wintery, does not imply which you cannot commence pondering about your outdoor space and acquiring an excellent time in the lovely warm weather.

plumbing said...

Leave your car at home and walk or cycle instead. Short urban journeys are often faster by bike than by car, and fold-up bikes can be used on trains for city-to-city journeys.

party bags said...

The Rc car speed racing vehicles of two wheels are of lower price and cheaper for maintenance. In fact, excellent handling is also may be achieved with a four wheeled variant.