Friday, April 11, 2014

My tapeworm left me this morning. Now I have to walk alone


My tapeworm left me this morning.

Now I'll have to walk alone.

The parting was far from amicable, downright traumatic, as the silvery nematode undulated somewhat gracefully this way and that in his bowl, the squarish head, light sensor on each side, seeming to say, "All right, wise guy, it was bad
enough not getting any mustard on that last dog, but now you';ve really pissed me off."

I knew something was wrong for weeks. The little bastard liked to roam around a lot at night, and sometimes he'd forget the way home and end up sleeping on my scrotum. Then, before I could say, "gotcha, you little bastard", he'd disapear faster than you can say "Tally ho! The Fox!."

The fox hunt went on for quite some time until, as an old Air Force guy, I thought of Agent Orange and where it could be gotten. Sure enough, down at Camp Petawawa, I saw some denuded trees (along with at least one denuded Warrant Officer). I plucked forth the nearest branch, rotten apple and all. I can't believe I ate the whole thing.

That was the night before I gave the eviction notice to my
tapeworm. He ignored it to his peril.

There he is, splashing around in his bowl. Aggressive bastard, really. Didn't realize tapeworms were fully equipped with scuba gear. They are aquatic. And they like to roam around at night sometimes. Creepy, what?

"This is hurting me more than you. Parasites are supposed to clean out the intestines. Too much bowel cancer around."

"Fuck off," said the tapeworm.

##

10 comments:

Charles Gramlich said...

pretty bad when the tapeworm is abandoning ship, man

PhilipH said...

You sure know how to put me off my hamburger!

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Like my snarky tapeworm used to say, "All right, wise guy,where's the mustard?" :)

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

I am extremely weary of rare steak!

ivan said...

Oops.
That should be spelled wary.
(Worm's got it). :)

Anonymous said...

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "My tapeworm left me this morning. Now I have to wa...":

At the end of your article in the resource box place your affiliate link so the reader will click it
once they finish reading. When people click on the ads you
get 68% of the gross amount the advertiser paid for the ad.
Have you spent hour after hour investigating opportunities searching
for a legitimate one.

Take a look at my blog post - legitimate ways to make money online

Anonymous said...

Omigod.
Quiet on the blog today.

I'll even take anynymous comments. :)

Anonymous said...

good
Mengobati atau Menghilangkan Kutil di Kemaluan Wanita
Mengobati atau Menghilangkan Kutil Kemaluan Wanita
Menghilangkan Kutil di Kemaluan Wanita
Mengobati atau Menghilangkan penyakit Kutil di Kemaluan Wanita
Mengobati dan Menghilangkan Kutil di Kemaluan Wanita
Mengobati atau Menghilangkan Kutil di Kemaluan Laki-laki
Mengobati atau Menghilangkan Kutil Kemaluan Laki-laki
Menghilangkan Kutil di Kemaluan Laki-laki
Mengobati atau Menghilangkan Kutil di Kemaluan
Mengobati dan Menghilangkan Kutil di Kemaluan Laki-laki
Mengobati atau Menghilangkan Kutil di Kemaluan Perempuan
Menghilangkan Kutil di Kemaluan Perempuan
Mengobati Kutil di Kemaluan Perempuan
Mengobati atau Menghilangkan Kutil Kemaluan Perempuan
Mengobati dan Menghilangkan Kutil di Kemaluan Perempuan
keluar nanah dari kemaluan pria
keluar nanah di kemaluan pria
obat keluar nanah dari kemaluan pria
pengobatan alami keluar nanah dari kemaluan pria
pengobatan tradisional keluar nanah dari kemaluan pria
Penyebab Keluar Nanah dari Kemaluan Pria
Penyebab Keluar Nanah Kemaluan Pria
Penyebab Keluar Nanah dari Kemaluan laki laki
Penyebab Keluar Nanah di Kemaluan Pria
Penyebab terjadinya Keluar Nanah dari Kemaluan Pria
Gejala Keluar Nanah dari Kemaluan Pria
Gejala Keluar Nanah Kemaluan Pria
Keluar Nanah dari Kemaluan Pria
Gejala sakit Keluar Nanah dari Kemaluan Pria
Gejala Keluar Nanah dari Kemaluan
Obat Keluar Nanah dari Batang Kemaluan Pria
Obat Keluar Nanah Batang Kemaluan Pria
pengobatan Keluar Nanah dari Batang Kemaluan Pria
Obat ampuh Keluar Nanah dari Batang Kemaluan Pria
Obat alami Keluar Nanah dari Batang Kemaluan Pria
Mengobati Keluar Nanah dari Kemaluan Pria
Mengobati Keluar Nanah Kemaluan Pria
Mengobati penyakit Keluar Nanah dari Kemaluan Pria
Mengobati Keluar Nanah dari Kemaluan

HERBAL UTAMA said...

Thankyou
Menghilangkan Kutil yang Tumbuh di Kemaluan
Solusi Menghilangkan Kutil yang Tumbuh di Kemaluan
Tips Jitu Menghilangkan Kutil yang Tumbuh di Kemaluan
Menghilangkan Gejala Kutil yang Tumbuh di Kemaluan
Menghilangkan Kutil yang Tumbuh di Sekitar Kemaluan

Wenhao Guo said...

coach outlet
ugg outlet
ugg uk
the north face
ugg uk
north face jackets
louis vuitton outlet
ugg outlet
swarovski crystal
mbt shoes
hermes bags
canada goose outlet
jordan shoes
beats by dr dre
ray ban sunglasses
coach outlet canada
canada goose coats
hermes belt
nfl jerseys wholesale
prada outlet
ugg outlet
futbol baratas
tory burch outlet
cheap ugg boots
herve leger outlet
ugg outlet
fitflop clearance
replica watches
juicy couture outlet
michael kors outlet store
cheng1120